Feminism | Posted by Julie Z on 07/13/2009
KGOY “kids getting older younger”
yeah
It’s pretty depressing how I’m used to waiting in the line for H&M or Forever 21’s dressing room with middle schoolers. I look over, see a 9 year old with a tube top and low-riding jeans, and shrug. Normal. Kids getting older younger is no longer shocking because it’s so widespread. I think our society is getting to a point where this is no longer a sad phenomenon — its just what childhood is now: you leave elementary school and your life is an extended process of waiting to be a teenager.
The first time I actually thought about the way I looked — was actually worried about it — was when I met the teenage daughter of my parents’ friends. I was shocked by the way she looked. She wasn’t ugly at all, she was just normal looking. At 7 or 8, I was so used to the way I saw teenagers on T.V. and in movies. Never having really interacted with any teens on a personal level, I just assumed when you got to be a teenager, you’d automatically be beautiful. I actually thought that. From that point on it became a conscious thought, “Well I’m going to have to do something to make sure I’m pretty when I’m a teenager.”
Which is why when I read this article from the Washington Post, I wasn’t all that surprised. Bluntly depressed, yes, but not surprised.
Apparently there has been an increase in girls as young as 9 hiring image consultants, paying as much as $120 for an initial consultation and $500 per shopping session. The worst part is that parents hire these image consultants under the guise that they are helping their kids’ self esteem.
Am I the only one that thinks self- esteem can’t be built from having your parents confirm that the way you look and dress is a legitimate way to feel good about yourself?
Of course, it’s true, when you look pretty, it makes you feel good — but for a whole host of fucked up reasons! We shouldn’t be confirming that the reasons looking good feels good are legitimate ones.
In the article, three friends are reported to all hire the same image consultant. Their reasoning? “I dress for other girls,” admits one girl. “It can be pretty competitive,” says another, “You don’t want to see someone wearing the same thing.” “But we don’t want to be the different one, either,” the third concludes.
I think this is the biggest problem teenage girls face today: we know exactly how wrong the fucked up patterns we get ourselves into are, we don’t hide them. We know eating disorders are bad, we are aware that we aren’t independent. But it’s far more important to act like this than to accept that it might okay to be any other way.
Maybe I’m just idealistic, but I’m pretty sure we all feel this way. We act the way we do because we think everybody else believes in a society that makes us paranoid about the way we look, when in reality few of us do. We can’t be that odd person out who sees the truth. Can’t we just all admit it?
Of course that’s easier said than done. But I’ll be the first to admit it (probably not first, but first publicly). Maybe somebody else will, too.
I admit that of course I want to be thin, I want to dress in a way that makes people jealous of me and look up to me, and generally would like to be as “beautiful” as the emaciated women I see on billboards. More like I want people to look at me in that way.
But it doesn’t make me happy to always be wondering how many calories are in the food I’m eating. It doesn’t make me happy to spend my entire, hard-earned pay check on clothes that may be considered cool but don’t actually look that good on me or are uncomfortable. I really, really want to be happy with the fact that I have curves, but it’s hard to be. I want to stop feeling jealous when random guys that I don’t even think are attractive or cool whistle at some of my friends and not me, because why should I be jealous of that? It’s gross.
So that’s why I believe in feminism, that’s why I love it. It helps me to see the world beyond these things, see myself in a way that’s beyond the shallow. Of course it’s a process – I’m a teenager, and even if I am a feminist I still feel like that all the time. I’ll never be totally happy with myself. But with feminism, I’m a lot happier than I ever was without it.
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Bethany Elfrink @ at 3:12 pm, July 13th, 2009
It is so hard for people to talk about how appearance rules the world. When I talk to friends about this, I usually say something, “I realize I am not the ideal woman” and I immediately get floods of, “Bethany, you are beautiful!”, “Bethany, there are so many things about you that I wish I had”, etc.
I have come to terms with my appearance. I am by no means skinny and I have freckles, perhaps not the most attractive feature. I like me, though! I am not my appearance, but my personality and character. I do not want to change those at all.
It is so strange that “You’re pretty” is a compliment. Most pretty people are just born pretty. They did not work for it. It is like saying, “You’re black. I like that”. Pretty and ugly are not really things you can help. You can try to enhance it or hide it, but you are born looking a certain way, and that is the facts of life.
I think our obsession with appearance is really similar to racism, actually. It is nothing we can help, as previously stated, and it absolutely has nothing to do with one’s character or personality unless they want it to.
Lisa @ at 5:20 pm, July 13th, 2009
This is a really great post. Sometimes I feel like we try so hard to reject social pressures that we’re unwilling to acknowledge that they do affect the way we see ourselves, even though we’re feminists. I think recognizing that we do want to be thin, we do want to be stylish, we do want to be admired for our appearance is the first critical step towards evaluating why we feel that way and how we can begin to develop self esteem and self respect for personal qualities that aren’t so potentially destructive or so superficial. It’s easy to say ‘how I look isn’t that important to me’ or ‘I want to look nice for myself and not for other people,’ but it’s much more difficult to really trully feel that way. I also found that learning about feminism and embracing feminism was pretty crucial in helping me get out of my unhealthy relationship with food and with myself.
RebJ @ at 9:08 pm, July 13th, 2009
I feel like our culture puts way too much emphasis on beauty, and that obsession is trickling down into younger people. We can admit that we or our friends are shallow, greedy, or even stupid, but tell a someone they’re fat is the ultimate transgression. These young girls are willing to give up their dignity, their self-valuation, and even their morals, but not their image of falsified perfection.
Em @ at 10:29 pm, July 13th, 2009
I find it ridiculous that teenage girls are looking to image consultants for help. Our society needs to realize that the teen years are just awkward, and you’re not always going to look the way you want, and you might have a few self esteem issues from that, but it’s OKAY. I realize, easier said than done, but i think girls need to get over this need to look perfect and conform to the beauty industry’s standards, especially since nearly everyone recognizes how impossible it is to fit into those parameters. I know you can move past all that, though. I can honestly say that at least 90% of the time, I am happy with my looks, even if they don’t fit in with what society tells me they should be.
Melissa @ at 12:34 am, July 14th, 2009
You’re right; that link is depressing. But I think it makes me more disgusted than anything. I don’t know whether to be sickened by young girls who dress provocatively- or to pity them for their “low self esteems” and their irresponsible parents who allow them to go out in public dressed skimpily. Kids will continue to be older at a younger and younger age, and then they’ll have an even worse childhood than ever. Those horrible teenage years will start at 7 or 8. Can’t imagine that torture.
It makes me wonder if I’m a hypocrite for wanting to be emaciated, hairless, and fashionable while believing in feminist values. Probably. I get angry because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accept myself. I want to, but everywhere I look society’s just telling me I look the wrong way.
*sigh.
Christina @ at 3:45 am, July 14th, 2009
I forgot about the whole “awkward teenage years”. I thankfully retired from that a while ago, and looking back on it, I can say it was more as “Be hot and sexy and available and you’re worth something/ if you don’t have a boy friend by the time your in eighth grade, you’re a gay.” I remember girls wearing THONGS in 7th grade and feeling “wow, I didn’t know pedophilia was “in”.” I heard my little cousin, 12 years old, say “They are so SKINNY” in an envious voice looking at the tv. I asked her “Why do you even care? You’re 12. Worry about if theres gonna be re-run’s for Saturday morning cartoons, not skinny brats.”
Cri @ at 12:03 pm, July 14th, 2009
I wanted to add to the discussion that it seems like the entire consumer culture for little girls these days is centered on fashion. It seems like 80% of toys aimed at little girls are fashion and style themed. “Polly Pocket goes to the Mall,” Bratz (ugh don’t get me started), or video games on the DS where you can have, erm, baby fashion shows or have your own fashion boutique. And I’m not even including craft sets for jewelry making, because that’s a great creative activity. I was looking at a pamphlet that came in a pack of Play-Do (I’m a mom) which had all these little Play-Do sculptures along the bottom and one sculpture was a little hand bag with a flower. Who decided that 3 yr olds care about HAND BAGS? Yes bags are awesome for carrying things, BUT it just reminds me of the crazy obsessions with Birkin or LV bags that we grown-up women supposedly go ape shit for. Let’s indoctrinate them early!
Yes, of course there were “fashion” toys and Barbies when I was a kid (in the 80’s!!) but back then I was obsessed with Harriet the Spy and having adventures and starting campfires in my backyard (perhaps not a great idea but a useful survival skill) and traveling the world. Even Barbie was flying the Space Shuttle and camping. These days all Barbie does is wander her Dream House wondering if she can convert the Nursery into another walk-in closet.
Cri @ at 3:29 pm, July 14th, 2009
Oh, and I don’t know where else to say this, but this site is awesome and I’ll never be mean to you!
Carolyn @ at 3:58 pm, July 14th, 2009
I had to babysit my 9 year old cousin for a week in the beginning of the summer, and she showed me her closet and started dressing up for me. And it was so different for me to see a 9 year old talk about fashion and what works together and what looks good. When I was 9 I was just reading or running around the neighborhood with my friends. And now it does seems that most girls are indeed getting older younger.
I remember the exact moment I became concerned with my appearance. I was looking at a girl on the cover of Girls Life magazine, and her hair was perfect, her face beautiful, her body skinny. And that set the tone for middle school. I fought with my unruly curly hair all through 7th and 8th grade. But then I just accepted myself. Not sure why, but now I genuinely love the way I look.
Elyssa @ at 4:25 pm, July 14th, 2009
Totally agree. Going to the mall now is slightly scary because of the number of preteens and early teenagers who are dressed “older” than I am — and I’m not even a teenager any more.
And just a heads up on the article you posted – its from the Washington Post! Not the Wall Street Journal. Totally different paper. (I’m a loyal Post reader – I had to point it out!)
Julie Z @ at 4:38 pm, July 14th, 2009
@ Elyssa
thank you – its been fixed. for clarification, I do know the difference btw the WSJ and WP, just a brain fart haha
Kat @ at 12:06 am, July 15th, 2009
This is a great post. I wish that, as a woman in my early 20’s, that I could say my friends and I were past a lot of these issues. Sadly, this post still really speaks to a lot of my day to day experiences.
Alex @ at 11:23 am, July 15th, 2009
I don’t know why I didn’t have more body issues growing up (or why I don’t have any now). I wish I did know, if only so I could talk about and explain it. I certainly wasn’t beautiful. I went through my awkward stage.
What was strange as a child and a teenager, when my body was changing constantly (up, out, in, down, out again, and wowza, those things came out of nowhere), was that I always knew somehow what I was going to look like. And more critically, I always knew who I was.
Our physical appearances are in constant flux – we get to adulthood and things settle down, relatively, but after ten, fifteen, twenty years, our bodies change in different ways. The breasts that were so new begin to sag. The faces that finally lost their baby fat begin to wrinkle.
It seems such a waste to try and change or preserve something that isn’t static. Something that, by it’s very nature, must change and grow and evolve. So too must we with it, as individuals.
What I don’t like is the double-standard. We are not perfect, yet we strive for perfection. When we admit that we are imperfect, we are accused of fishing for complements. When we obsess over our bodies, we are accused of being shallow and self-involved. But the world is watching us so closely, it’s hard not to.
My strategy? Give the world the finger and tell it to take a fucking picture if it cares so much. Pictures last longer, after all, since next week, next month, next year, I probably will look different. I can’t wait to see what I become next.
Kimberly Sepulveda @ at 4:34 pm, July 17th, 2009
Hey, you are so cute. I totally agree it is so sad, and all of the pressure effects every girl. I am frustrated I have been self-conscious of my body since 3rd grade, and started ‘doing something about it’ in 6th grade. I am still trying to be a more confident person and I am 19 years old! It is hard to realize that you do not look the way you think you do. You look better for sure.
Here is a video like that and I am pretty sure it is a parody, but it sadly very well could not be..
I hope you become happier with yourself, all girls need to be. It doesn’t matter if a girl has more curves or is skinnier than me, or if she has lighter or darker hair than me. I always feel they look better. We need to stand up for our natural beauty and accept it, it is just easier done than said.
-Kimberly