Creative, Feminism | Posted by Freddy-May A. on 08/13/2009
Tags: body image
Trying To Be Pretty
this is a quiet acknowledgement
of running a hand over skin to see if it is soft
and over a body to see if it is full
and of measuring the size but more importantly the consistency of breasts
and of taking close-ups at odd angles to trick the camera
into believing someone is beautiful
this is a quiet breaking of an unwritten rule
to keep things silent that should not have to be silent
to put on paper the things that happen behind closed curtain,
under insulating cover. to hide the moments of just trying
to convince oneself of those words oft-touted by the overconfident,
who are really just trying to convince themselves too:
’i'm happy with my body’
because like hell you are but at least you try
in the shower when you have to be naked and you can’t help but wonder
when someone else one day sees all of you like that,
if they’ll feel like you do about it or if that was just all
in your head
this is a quiet confession
of putting on makeup that cakes and peels away layers of honesty
of spending time pushing-up shaving-off and hiding
and of looking in the mirror naked trying to convince something inside you
that that is something beautiful in front of you and maybe you can love it
it’s a hard thing to love,
with all the little things like
a birthmark on your shoulder and
a dark spot from when you were little that will never go away
and the hair you don’t feel like scraping off with an angry blade
or the hair down there you don’t like to think of
and it’s on the quizzes and questions everywhere
not just in the counselors’ offices and the self-esteem tests
but in the ads that say BUY THIS and WEAR THESE that are really
testing you asking you that question you hate
’are you happy with your body?’
and you never know which bubble to fill in
you are lacking something that you fruitlessly search for in the mall where what they tell you is here we will put on some makeup samples tell us what you like
and here go in the fitting room tell us what you like and look a fortune teller to tell you this is why your future will be dismal
but it will not be found in these faces only in the deepest roots of you
this is a quiet confession that i cannot seem to get out right
it is a quiet telling of times when i have felt perhaps ashamed, embarrassed
though with an audience of just myself
and of feeling a need to expel thoughts of what i have done
which is only just to want to be able to love myself in truth:
but the mirror seems stained with my nakedness and my scrutiny
i want to hide from myself
want to be someone else
(and why do you not shave your armpits
is it because you fancy yourself a rebel
no it is because i like being a mammal)
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Rachel @ at 12:10 pm, August 13th, 2009
*applause*
Nicole @ at 4:18 pm, August 13th, 2009
loved this. This is the sad, but true fate of every woman, in every country. And thanks to the media, things will only get worse.
Brenna @ at 4:37 pm, August 13th, 2009
I love this.
Sev @ at 4:43 pm, August 13th, 2009
this is amazing. Do you mind if I reproduce it elsewhere? (with credit, of course)
Zola @ at 5:37 pm, August 13th, 2009
Me too!
valentine @ at 7:21 am, August 14th, 2009
Lovely!Holy Truth
Freddy-May A. @ at 2:04 pm, August 14th, 2009
Wow, thanks for all the awesome comments!
Sev – of course, in your credit please link back to vgaer.deviantart.com if you can
body loving blogosphere 08.16.09 @ at 12:05 am, August 17th, 2009
[...] fbomb, Trying To Be Pretty [...]
Vanessa @ at 9:26 am, August 19th, 2009
“(and why do you not shave your armpits
is it because you fancy yourself a rebel
no it is because i like being a mammal)”
brilliant.
Freddy-May @ at 12:49 am, August 20th, 2009
To be shamefully honest, as much as I loved that as well and thought there was truth to it, since then I’ve succumbed to the occasional shave.
Sheridan @ at 10:41 pm, October 1st, 2009
I shave, and I still intend to.
But I adore this.
Because I have felt this way about my body so many times.
Holly @ at 6:56 pm, December 4th, 2009
Love it.
And the last line is brilliant (:
Steph @ at 6:36 pm, December 10th, 2009
Ugh. Don’t know how I didn’t notice this earlier – it’s AMAZING.
Freddy-May @ at 11:27 am, January 25th, 2010
Wow, thank you.
Nick Tilton @ at 11:11 pm, February 15th, 2010
Bullshit, I have to straighten my hair, use gel to keep my hair not frizzy, work out, use skin lotion, skip two meals, watch what i eat, and shave my ENTIRE body, so that I don’t look horrible, you girls just bitch about it and guys don’t. Feminism is a joke. Oh yeah, and if you don’t shave your arm pits, thats okay, you have the right, but your not gonna get any guys.