Feminism, Pop-Culture | Posted by Julie Z on 09/30/2009
Cougarism
I was der.
This past weekend I was lucky enough to go to New York City. Primarily I was there to see family. Yes my Mom is from the New York City area, but somehow my parents came to the conclusion that they should raise me in Ohio, where my Dad is from. This event of almost achieving greatness but missing out by thismuch really set the stage for my life in a lot of ways, I think.
ANYWAY, this weekend, while basking in the absolute wonderfulness that is NYC, standing amidst the populous of Union Square, I reflected on how last weekend, I have attended a deep frying party (seriously) in a magical place called Russell Township where horses outnumber people (though that is a guesstimation based on the cynical way I appraise most everything), and also a place where if you put up an Obama sign, it will get stolen within the hour. I also went to a playground. I live on the wild side here in Ohio!
But while in New York I got to do exciting things. Like NOT shop in malls! And eat food that tastes good! AND RIDE ON SUBWAYS, MY ULTIMATE FAVE.
apparently, they're actually supposed to live in a place called Cougartown. Iiiiiiiii know.
It was actually emerging from the 2/3 line that I saw an advertisement for this lovely new show called “Cougartown” starring Monica Courtney Cox (my epic transitions are brilliant, don’t lie…)
Which made me go “Oh sweet mother of Jesus,” because I really don’t like this concept of “cougars” for 3 very straight forward reasons.
1) Cougars = predatory animals. I don’t think sexual predators are ever really okay. Why are women “on the prowl” anyway? I don’t think love (“love”) should ever be about hunting, but thats just me.
2) All of this passing being a cougar off as empowerment doesn’t sit well with me. Why is sleeping with a younger guy when you’re in your 30′s or 40′s (or older) empowering? Because you’re defying socially accepted ideas about beauty, like women over 25 are ugly …because a younger guy slept with you? That doesn’t really seem like proof to me, or really a way of effectively combating that stereotype.
Or maybe it’s because guys have been doing this forever, older guys always sleep with younger women and nobody cares about that! Okay. That’s true. But that touches upon something I think people get confused about a lot when it comes to feminism. There’s getting equal…and then there’s getting even. Just because old guys have been sleeping with younger girls for usually completely shallow reasons doesn’t mean that women should, too. That’s perpetuating a bad behavior, not correcting it.
I mean some people love perpetuating it, though. Look at CougarLife an online dating website for Cougars looking for “Cubs” (ah. cubs. ew) and vice versa. As CougarLife puts it:
Cougars are Women in their PRIME: independent, sexy and wildy successful. They enjoy men that are youthful, fit with the same zest for life. Cougars are classy, confident women that already possess many of the finer things in life — but now want the young, hot guy to go with it.
Okay, cool, women being independent, sexy and successful. Yay. Trying to find men that also value those qualities (I guess) yay! Wanting the “young, hot guy to go with it.” Ohhhhh no. Objectifying men a little bit there, are we now?
3) Of course my perspective on this is quite limited. I don’t know what it’s like to be a middle aged woman, who is apparently single (I mean, I hope). I don’t know first hand how challenging that is in our society. But if that were my Mom, I’d probably flip a shit. Because while this generation of women are “empowering” themselves, they’re getting dangerously close to dating their kids’ friends (like…kids MY age). And that’s just Not. Okay. And I know what my guy friends are like. I even know what their older brothers are like. I even have a tad bit of experience with their “cool” uncles and cousins. I’m not sure what an “independent, sexy and wildly successful” woman would be doing with those guys, to be perfectly honest. What happened to VALUING maturity?
So, what do you think? Cougars: empowering or just plain wrong?
(6 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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Read other posts about: CougarLife, cougars, Cougartown, Courtney Fox
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Maria D @ at 1:46 pm, September 30th, 2009
“There’s getting equal…and then there’s getting even.”
Just fabulous.
There was this great documentary about the depiction of women in advertising called “Killing Me Softly 3″ that I watched in a sociology class. The woman on it made this great point that while men are now being objectified in the media like women, that is not a good thing. Equality has no place in that.
Grace @ at 2:16 pm, September 30th, 2009
Yeah, I never understood the idea that women should empower themselves by copying every bad behavior that men get away with. The point should be to stop men from getting away with their bad behavior, not to let women get away with it too.
Alex Catgirl @ at 8:26 pm, September 30th, 2009
OK important things first …..1…2…3…Poor Julie -cry- -cry- -cry- for being raised out in the sticks instead of NYC, that should be considered child abuse!
As for cougars, teenage girls should be warned that there are plenty of bisexual/lesbian cougars, I can’t believe how many of my bi friends have similar stories of being seduced by a much older women who confused them to the point of not knowing up from down. Picked up a bunch of really bad habits from “Jill” (named changed to protect the guilty).
As for 30-40+ year old women dating 20 something guys (or girls), meh. Idk, 40 is a long ways away for me, but from what I have heard from cougars, they date younger guys for the same reason older men date younger women.
1. “Cubs” are not professional/social competition. Even in college, people can be very competitive, I have compeated against dates who were in my “league”, I had to outdo them at X, Y, and Z or I ended up miserable. Nasty habit I kno, but I can’t help it. Older people are worse about it.
2. Many cougars are not looking for long term relationships, they are dating for fun. I’m told that mentality is rarer as people get older, but idk.
3. Women sexually “peak” in their late 30s/early 40s, guys peak in their late teens/early 20s so it makes sense the two groups would hook up.
4. baggage – most younger people don’t have any. Professionals women, like their male counter parts, hate other people’s baggage.
So while many teens may find cougarism creepy in the same way older guys going after young girls are creepy, from the cougar’s perspective it makes sense.
As for maturity, bah, highly over rated.
ACW @ at 9:18 pm, September 30th, 2009
THANK YOU. My sister and I have had at least four conversations about this show since we first heard about it. Not at all an attractive concept, IMHO.
I think this post nicely ties in with ‘type II’ of the 09/28 post, in that the ‘Cougar’ is similar to the ‘Female Chauvinist Pig’… by finding some ‘hot, young thing’ when she’s in her prime gives men permission to do the same.
On the one hand, sure, it’s liberating and an ego-boost for a woman to ‘win’ a younger man – however temporarily – and I guess the concept of ‘Mrs. Robinson’ just has a new name… but when I’m 40, I don’t want 18yo men (er, boys) thinking that just because I dress nicely for an evening out, I’m ‘on the prowl’. Okay, so when I’m 40 I probably won’t be turning any more heads than I am now… but surely there are successful, intelligent, head-turning women out there who feel the same way.
Ndidi Oriji’s post from 09/23 at the Racialicious blog would support this theory. She ‘runs the gauntlet’ every day, to and from work… and now we want to add an even younger group to that gauntlet? Blech.
Maria D @ at 10:00 pm, September 30th, 2009
Sorry for the double post. I was talking to my mom about this and she told me about this rule in France dating from around the 16 or 1700′s, that said older men in their 50′s should take female lovers in their teens or twenties since they’re more sexually compatible, and women in the 40′s on up should take male lovers in their 20′s since THEY were more sexually compatible. So the cougar thing really isn’t as new as people think. Interesting, huh?
Anyway, while it kinda ughs me out a bit, I know there are people for whom it’s not a sexual thing but a genuine relationship on all levels. I guess we should take the cougar thing on a case by case basis. Though my mom and I agree that ‘cougars’ is a REALLY stupid name.
Brooke @ at 4:51 pm, October 1st, 2009
You make valid points but it seems like your attacking women, rather then a sterotype perpetuated against women.The Cougar is just another label used to attack women for doing the same behavior that men do. There is nothing wrong with any sexual relationship that is mutual. Women do hit their sexual prime at 40, when at the same time most men are starting to lose interest in sex.