Comments on: Dealing with Terms of “Endearment”

By: Dani

Dani — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:12:09 +0000

I am female and I wouldn’t care if a male teacher referred to me by a pet name/term of endearment such as those listed above. I wouldn’t automatically think that he is being patronizing.

I’m going to have to agree with Mr. Happy and Joel.

By: A

Sat, 18 Sep 2010 04:11:52 +0000

I have some teachers who do that who I’m kind of close to, and I don’t usually mind. In class, it can be weird, especially “babe” (which one of my teachers uses for both genders). It’s almost exclusively my female teachers who do this. In my specific examples I’m primarily okay with this, but i see how it could be a problem for others.

By: Emily

Emily — Sun, 23 May 2010 00:10:36 +0000

I have mostly female teachers, most of whom I respect deeply. Occasionally one or two of them will call me hon or sweetie, like when asking my to hand them something or thanking me for something. Some of my friends think its really weird but I find it kind of heartwarming, especially if I like the teacher.

However, those are just slip ups and in no way make me feel uncomfortable. What’s going on with you sounds inappropriate, intentional, and disrespectful. You should definitely speak to someone about this.

By: Mr. Happy

Mr. Happy — Thu, 20 May 2010 22:39:08 +0000

get over it. They dont call guys that because you just dont call a guy that. It makes them feel effeminate and whatever your position on feminism, most guys dont want to feel effeminate. Girls should like to feel effeminate. Note: In this case, effeminate just means female, not “girly”

By: Joel

Joel — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 00:20:19 +0000

I don’t believe I’ve had a male teacher say that, but I’ve had female teachers say it throughout out my school life. It doesn’t bother me, b/c being from the south, I’ve heard things like that all my life. Terms like “dear”, “hon”, “sweetie”, “baby” etc are not meant to be belittling. It’s usually from older women, who call everybody those things, even each other. The terms just simply mean “I care” or “you are somebody” you know that you have some value.

By: Mindy

Mindy — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:24:27 +0000

I’m not a huge fan of nicknames or pet names, at least for myself. The main problem I have is that it takes me quite a while to feel really comfortable with other people, and any presumed familiarity before then makes me hostile. I had no problem with one of my best friends in college calling me “sweetie” or my favorite HS teacher giving me nicknames (“Mindola” or “Mindorooni”). But when it’s someone I don’t know well–particularly when the pet names are absent or strikingly different for men/boys–well, then I feel that the user is trying to “force” a relationship on me that I don’t feel we have. And that is not just annoying, but also disturbing.

By: Fairy Mithani

Fairy Mithani — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:47:16 +0000

Life indemnity is really a wager, between you and the insurance organization, if you are going to snuff it or not. You only win when you snuff it.

By: Dana Simel

Dana Simel — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 01:48:11 +0000

Nellie, great post!!!!!! I consider myself a feminist, but as you might remember, I use nicknames such as “dear,” and “sweetie” in my classes. I never realized that I did this until students – both male and female – pointed it out to me, but they made reference to it as a positive thing and something that made them feel valued; indeed, I use such terms when I am feeling kindly toward students. In thinking about it, most fellow American southerners do use such terms of endearment to people whom they admire and in this context, I can’t see the harm in it if it is used for both males and females. On the other hand, your point is well taken. Depending on who uses the terms, the context, and the inflection of the user’s voice, I can see how their use can run the spectrum of being perceived as endearing, or being perceived as offensive. When the term is used by a fellow southerner, I almost never perceive it as the latter. Again, super post – you have us thinking.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:39 +0000

Ugh, I have a history teacher who does this. A girl raises her hand in class; he says “Yes dear?” Or sometimes it’s “May I get water?” “Sure, sweetie.”

FUCKING NO.

He does this for every girl in the class, EXCEPT me. I don’t know if it’s because he just hasn’t gotten around to calling me “dear” yet, but if/when he calls me a patronizing nickname I will just speak to him after class. And if it happens after that, I would follow up with the administration.

By: Irishgal

Irishgal — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:06:00 +0000

Hi, so after reading your article -which I liked very much! I have to agree that this type of problem is EVERYWHERE, and from living in Ireland where everyone likes to call each other ‘dear’ ‘love’ and the like, the best answer I feel to give, which keeps you out of the ‘politics’ of school administration, (believe me you will have no leverage there, a little chat about ‘how not to read into that sort of thing’ would be given as stated by some commenter’s here, and the fact that you are a teen, will put you in an embarrassing situation where you quite possibly will have to eat your words and be up to numerous patronising jeers), would be to go with the ‘look approach with an answer just as ridiculous’ as mentioned by others (wise people?), this type of behaviour will be more effective – don’t forget 70% of human communication is body language. ?