A Little F'd Up | Posted by Shenae K on 11/12/2009

A Rant

vagina does not equal sandwich maker

vagina does not equal sandwich maker

You know what I’m tired of? My boyfriend immediately looking at me when he’s hungry. Like I’m supposed to be this huge sandwich machine and just because I have a vagina it must mean that I make super sandwiches. He complains about how he can’t make anything that isn’t in a box. Well guess what, I didn’t either until I picked up a god damn cook book and slowly taught myself to cook a decent meal. My mom has always raised me to be proud of who I am and I can do anything that I want to do. She took charge and fixed up our whole house with her own tool box and stubbornness. So here I am fixing my heater when it’s broken, teaching MYSELF how to cook because I want to and my boyfriend thinking that he can get away so easily. How did it come to this, how did my own grandmother take to the kitchen and ONLY the kitchen when her then husband was hungry? How did she manage to make a whole meal herself???? I except help when I’m cooking a meal, it’s not just me that’s going to do all the work… NOPE.. I done.

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  • Suzie @ at 11:45 am, November 12th, 2009

    “I except help when I’m cooking a meal, it’s not just me that’s going to do”

    You mean expect ;)

  • Sammywich @ at 12:50 pm, November 12th, 2009

    “Well guess what, I didn’t either until I picked up a god damn cook book and slowly taught myself to cook a decent meal.”

    Yeah!

    Cooking something or preparing food is work. So, in essence, the boyfriend is asking the girlfriend to do his job for him.

    You’s think that would hurt his male pride.

  • Amy CT @ at 1:46 pm, November 12th, 2009

    The caption on that photo is absolutely brilliant. Made me laugh so so so much when it came up on bloglovin’ :)

  • phoquess @ at 2:18 pm, November 12th, 2009

    I completely agree. And it’s completely related to the fact that I just had to call out a friend on Facebook. “[name] is a fan of Women bringing you Sandwiches.” I replied with a simple “WTF man.” and he replied “What? Nothing wrong with that.”
    It disgusts me, but I’m really hoping to get a conversation going so he can figure out what is wrong with all of this.

  • Richard Bacchus @ at 4:44 pm, November 12th, 2009

    I wish you would talk to my wife. I make a mean sandwich too but wtf?

    Mrs. Bacchus has shortened the phrase “I am hungry” to “M”UNGRY!”. She yells this at the top of her lungs and I have to hop to it, and make with the pots and pans.

  • Lea @ at 5:31 pm, November 12th, 2009

    Sounds like a pretty crap boyfriend. What’s the point of staying with him?

  • K8 AH @ at 11:22 pm, November 12th, 2009

    My husband, used to play dumb in the kitchen too… I made fun of him and then verbally coached him through making a few meals. He is pretty great in the kitchen now. Perhaps have the conversation with him, that you are not responsible for his “feeding” sometime when he is not hungry and let him know that you don’t mind cooking something every once in a while as long as he does too. IDK… It worked for me.

  • Sky @ at 1:50 am, November 13th, 2009

    my boyfriend is the same, everytime he wants something he asks me or his mom to get it. Want a beer? Go get it yourself. I’m nobody’s Beer Bitch.

  • Jenna @ at 10:46 am, November 13th, 2009

    Well, part of love is doing things for the person you love.

    Your boyfriend is giving you a compliment, dear. Boys are notoriously bad at communicating. He’s not going to say, “Darling, I just love your sandwiches, and I’d really like one now. I don’t want you to make me one because you’re a woman, but because of how good yours taste.” That’s how a woman would get that point across, so if that’s the way you want someone to talk to you, I suggest you become a lesbian ASAP. If you still want to be a straight girl, you’re going to have to accept that men have trouble communicating, particularly with women. Your boyfriend is trying to compliment you. Get out of the victim mindset and accept it.

    And Bacchus, wtf. Somebody’s whipped, yes?

  • Steph @ at 3:16 pm, November 13th, 2009

    @Jenna: I think that’s a totally baseless argument. You’re saying that a)all men are poorly-communicating doofuses, b)that’s ok because that’s just how men are, nothing we can do about it, that’s just how it is, c) all women CAN communicate well(and therefore those who don’t aren’t women), and most importantly, that disliking the way things are can only be solved by lesbianism, becuase, y’know, conversation with your boyfriend shouldn’t be an option. EVAR.

    Also, wth was with that comment at Bacchus? Just because he cooks for his wife, doesn’t mean he’s less of a man. In my family, cooking has always been a strictly male role for as long as I’ve known, and going back to my grandparents as well – cooking was MEN’s work. Maybe that’s how Bacchus’s family is run – if not, still doesn’t matter, because saying that men who cook are whipped is akin to saying that cooking is women’s work.

    So, far as I can tell, your post is advocating that 1)cooking is women’s work, 2) that Shenae should just shut up and make him a sandwich, 3) all women are the same and all men are the same, forever, and 4) women who ‘complain’ about this are stuck in a mindset where they are “victims” (even though some of them might very well be such victims to patriarchal notions).

    Honestly, if you tried to come out with a more offensive yet presumably well-meaning post, I’m not sure you could do any better(worse?) than this.

  • Jenna @ at 10:55 pm, November 13th, 2009

    Steph, men and women are different, and as much as feminists want to change it, we can’t.

    I said she should talk to her boyfriend. But unless he’s incredibly mature and willing to change, nothing’s going to happen.

    Girls want their boyfriends/husbands to be like their girlfriends. We expect them to listen and help us and care about everything. Men aren’t like that, and if you need that, then yeah, you might as well be a lesbian.

  • kenzie @ at 1:58 pm, November 23rd, 2009

    i totally agree with jenna. if you’re tired of it, don’t do it, i don’t see why this is an issue. i enjoy baking my boyfriend brownies because i can bake and i love him. people who love to cook/bake usually don’t prepare meals for themselves.

  • kenzie @ at 2:01 pm, November 23rd, 2009

    eh, let me rephrase that last part. when you are in a relationship, especially when you live together AND enjoy cooking, etc, you usually are not cooking only for one person. if i cook, i make sure theres some for boyfriend. when boyfriend cooks, there will obviously be plenty for me as well. maybe he truly enjoys your sandwiches? just make sure there is balance. maybe hes good at back rubs? or maybe teach him how to cook and enjoy it together? or tell him to fuck off.

  • natasha @ at 11:12 pm, November 24th, 2009

    i hate cooking. id just throw a pop tart at him.

  • Rex @ at 2:34 am, December 1st, 2009

    “You know what I’m tired of? My girlfriend immediately looking at me when something breaks. Like I’m supposed to be the Maytag repairman just because I have a penis.”

    C’mon. relationships are give and take. How many things does your boyfriend do for you?

    However, if you answer “Nothing” then mabye you need to go dude shopping.

    I think I’ll go make a sandwich now…

  • Erin @ at 12:53 am, December 3rd, 2009

    I wouldn’t necessarily settle for Jenna’s argument — “Men aren’t like that.” I’ve never been a great cook, and I’ve been in 2 serious relationships where my boyfriend happily, and lovingly, did most of the the cooking. There was balance in our relationship– we never *expected* this of each other. It seems like the issue here is not whether the man or woman cooks, it’s primarily that someone is taking something for granted. I’m now in a serious relationship where my boyfriend is very loving and considerate, but I happen to be the more creative cook. Therefore, for the first time I find I’m the main cook in the relationship– but that’s fine. There’s balance, he helps, and he never *expects* this of me– he’s willing to cook if I can’t or don’t want to. And that’s key for me– I wouldn’t let a guy get away with being lazy and taking things for granted, and trust me, you don’t have to either.

  • RebJ @ at 1:51 pm, December 6th, 2009

    “Steph, men and women are different, and as much as feminists want to change it, we can’t.”

    Yeah we feminists should just keep indulging those immature menzz cuz we communicate better and multitask and ask for directions!

    Gender binary, anyone?

  • Nereida @ at 10:06 am, January 18th, 2011

    @ RebJ, your point could be made better if you spelled correctly…

  • Renee @ at 2:03 am, May 31st, 2011

    ha lol….but I really don’t see a problem really I’m my significant other was abetter cook than me and if I had to choose between my less than cooking and heaven on a plate I would pick it…if he smacked you in the face and said “bitch get to cooking” then we would have a problem…okay switching it around if something in the house breaks and my man is good at fixing things why wouldn’t I look at him for help..if this guy just meet you and expected you to cook then a problem would arrive that deserved a rant

  • someone @ at 12:08 am, July 31st, 2012

    “Steph, men and women are different, and as much as feminists want to change it, we can’t.”

    So I’m guessing you aren’t a feminist?

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