Feminism | Posted by Amy CT on 12/11/2009
“I’m Not At All Sexist, Except…”
women can't defend themselves?
I work in a café – this may not initially seem important, but bare with me. So, when I work on Sundays, I’m the team supervisor; a seventeen year old girl running a team which includes at least two over-eighteen year old guys.
Up until yesterday, that had never been an issue. I’d never considered for a moment that they might react to me being in charge, or that they might not respect me the way that they’d respect any other supervisor they’d ever had… or that they might not respect women in general.
Yesterday, though, two of the guys on my team started making sexist jokes – I don’t think either of them even know how it started, but by the time I heard them talking about this, for the first time, though, things had become nasty; and yes, I know that they were only joking, but I still reacted the way that I would have to any other anti-female comment… I called them misogynistic arseholes and told them to get on with their work. They were, by this point, discussing ‘appropriate’ treatment of wives – to which I responded by pointing out that anyone who agreed to marry them would have to be insane. And I wasn’t joking.
By the time they’d both realised that they had genuinely offended me, I was past expecting an apology, and was beginning to wonder if they were serious about any of it. One of them apologised profusely, assured me that he hadn’t meant any of it, and that he wasn’t sexist at all, but what did misogynistic mean? He kept on apologising to the point where it could almost have been called grovelling, and assured me that “if I was a woman, I’d be a feminist” (why aren’t you, anyway? I wondered. To no avail), and so I eventually forgave him. I had to. I have to work with him every week, and on the whole he’s a good guy.
The other one, though, didn’t apologise… he just told me that he wasn’t sexist, except for when it came to women in the police force. “It’s not possible to be ‘not sexist, except…’”, I told him, seriously annoyed now.
“But I mean it. Women shouldn’t be in the police force.” He insisted, smiling smugly.
“Why not?!” my friend, another girl (of course), and I demanded.
“Because you can’t defend yourselves properly.” He said, completely seriously.
“Of course we can. Have you heard Amy yell?” my friend asked, and he nodded, remembering how I’d yelled at him earlier. And he hadn’t enjoyed it either, let me tell you.
“Even a Sergeant says you shouldn’t be allowed, though.” He assured me, as if this made it right, “even Sarah (his other supervisor) agrees with me.”
To which I say, if this is the British Police Force’s attitude to women, there are serious issues with it; I can defend myself just as well as any male.
That’s not the point, though; the point is that I don’t believe it’s possible to “not be sexist, except…” To me, even that one thought makes him sexist…
And I was wondering if you agree with me? Or… am I being too extreme?
(8 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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ACW @ at 10:52 am, December 11th, 2009
If you want to reduce it to a matter of semantics: he, himself, admitted to being sexist simply by continuing with ‘except…’, and pointing out a case in which he is. While there are varying degrees of sexism, unless one is completely nonsexist, one is sexist.
Personally, I’d argue that everyone is sexist to some degree, however minute. The larger issue is that he is admitting to having sexist views without apology. By definition, sexism is wrong; he’s acknowledging being wrong but without remorse… as opposed to your other employee, who has the decency to be ashamed of his behavior and attempt to change his mindset.
GG @ at 11:01 am, December 11th, 2009
I agree with you.
In order for a man be non-feminist, he’d either have to be a total himbo (”Oh, gosh, I’ve never thought about it!”), or just plain sick.
There’s no logical way to be a misogynist. All hatred of women is based on fear, and is thus irrational. (I mean, fear can be understandable, but you really can’t base a whole rational belief system on it.)
I see no reason why men should be cuddled or protected from seeing what the world is like for us. After all, aren’t men supposed to be the strong sex? If they are mentally strong, let them hear the truth.
Amy CT @ at 11:21 am, December 11th, 2009
I like that explanation – thank you!
Lalita Raman @ at 11:35 am, December 11th, 2009
I think the problem is pre-conceived notions that some men have. Issue lies in them using these notions to put down women & humiliate them. False superiority complex, arrogance and immaturity is what men of such nature portray.
Angelica @ at 11:57 am, December 11th, 2009
No, you’re not. He admitted to being sexist simply by adding the “disclaimer” before he launched into his explanation. Plus he didn’t apologize for offending you and he seems not to care if he offends anyone else, and he even drags another woman into it to justify himself… yeah, I’d say he’s plenty sexist.
allie @ at 12:46 pm, December 11th, 2009
hell to the no your not being extreme. seriously, you need to tell him about fort hood shooting in texas. a woman POLICE OFFICER, thank you very much, not only defended herself but she save lots of lives by taking down a shooter that was shooting random people. she faced him head on. she did not anybody else. heres a link to here
http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpp/news/dpg_fort_hood_hero_lwf_200911111257967039792
or you can google her and her story her name is Sgt. Kimberly Munley. that should shut him up.
Toongrrl @ at 2:20 pm, December 11th, 2009
Hope things get better for you, you are probably the best Police Officer as far as I’m concerned
Penhaligon @ at 4:00 pm, December 11th, 2009
Hey, I agree, I think that guy’s a douche, he’s got his facts all wrong.
YES, its true that guys are GENERALLY bigger built and have a higher muscle ratio than women do.
This does NOT mean that women can’t defend themselves properly.
I have a friend that is training for her black belt in a martial art (i’m only a white belt), and is training for the police force. She also used to be a bouncer for clubs. This woman is chinese, about a foot shorter than me and lightly built, and she’s terrifying.
I can honestly say that my city will be a lot safer with her as an officer here.
And you know why?
Because she’s been training with guys that are twice as strong as her for about five years. Strength has nothing to do with being able to defend yourself.
Ooops long post.
Anyway, I’d be pretty pissed at that guy too. Just keep breathing ;D
Emily @ at 8:28 pm, December 12th, 2009
I agree completely dont ever let any man manipulate you like that EVER!!! There are so many ways that men manipulate without women knowing!!!!
Tinnie @ at 1:57 am, December 13th, 2009
I will never understand the low intellect of the male teenage species. sorry.
Amy CT @ at 1:44 pm, December 13th, 2009
Wow – thank you all for your support. Today was my supervising day at the cafe again, and knowing I’m not the only one who thinks like this definitly made a difference
Also, Tinnie, that comment is priceless. Priceless and true
x
Vanessa @ at 9:03 pm, December 15th, 2009
Obviously, this boy has never seen a woman give birth.
Kat @ at 11:27 pm, December 17th, 2009
I would definitely agree with you, especially since having women on the police force is crucial to making sure the police adequately address women’s needs.
In cases of child trafficking, helping out victims of domestic violence, and assisting prostitutes, victims of these forms of violence are often more responsive to women than to men–the men are (perhaps, in a sexist way) more similar to their assailants than women are–and victims are more willing to help out women police officers in these cases.
(Plus, there have been documented cases of male police officers engaging in police brutality and raping victims–I have not yet read a news story involving women police officers doing that. Perhaps it is because there are fewer women police officers–but perhaps not.)
Brandon @ at 8:04 am, January 24th, 2010
This is why you don’t discuss things like politics, sex or religion during work hours with co workers. These guys were stupid for opening their mouths.
Co workers aren’t your buddies, they are your co workers. Keep all the “women can’t be cops” and “men are pigs” talk away from work. Why risk getting canned because you said something politically incorrect?
@Emily: How was that manipulating her? The guys voiced an opinion (a stupid one and at the wrong place). They have the right to say what they want. It isn’t manipulation because you don’t agree with it.
Also men and women manipulate each other on a constant basis. To say that men are the only offenders is laughable.
@Vanessa: What does childbirth have to do with women’s physical strength to subdue criminals? I am not saying childbirth isn’t painful, but it is completely unrelated to women being police officers.
@Kat: Your comments are completely misandric in nature. Police officers regardless of gender are there to follow the law. Are you saying that male cops are incapable of stopping child trafficking, prostitution and helping domestic abuse victims? Cause it sure sounds like that.
There have been documented cases of everything happening. There are bad cops like there are bad teachers (the recent trend with female teachers having sex with boys). Every profession will have bad apples. You are painting male cops with a extremely large brush.
There are good people and bad people. Women do not have a monopoly on virtue.