Feminism | Posted by Colleen R on 01/11/2010
Impulse Control
I have been told that I have impulse control problems.
I have a tendency to put in my two cents in for every little issue that passes me by, whether it was asked for or not. My mother has always told me I need to learn to “let things go.” I do my best to just keep my mouth shut and let things slide, but sometimes I just can’t. So imagine my struggle to control my raging anger impulses when my friend sent me the link to a group on the social networking site “Facebook” entitled, “102 Things Girls need to know about Guys!” in response to another “Facebook” group entitled “102 Things Guys should know about Girls!”
the photo emblem of the group "102 Things Guys Should Know About Girls"
Let me just say, I find both groups ridiculous. The group made by girls, to start. Of course all women have the occasional prince charming fantasy, and rightfully so! It is perfectly reasonable to expect some chivalrous, polite men every once and a while. However, there is a fine line between expected chivalrous acts and high maintenance, primitive demands, and this group crosses it. These high maintenance demands make it seem as if men should serve women at any costs. That is not what feminism is about! I don’t know about all of you, but that goes against everything I have believed in and fight for, which is equality. A good relationship is a PARTNERSHIP, not a one-way employment. At the risk of sounding cliché, its about loving one another unconditionally and equally, making sacrifices for each other and working through problems that you both may have.
Photo emblem for the group "102 Things Girls Really Need To Know About Guys" It says: That's right sweetheart; dreams and goals are Satan's way of distracting you from making dinner
Now, the men’s group. At least the women’s group had romantic, fairytale-like intentions. This group has no other message or desire other than purely misogynistic, woman-hating, abusive feelings and it repulses me to an unhealthy degree. They make ridiculous claims such as “1. Women are for three things: Cooking, cleaning, and pleasuring,” “9. If you think you’re smart it’s not cute, it’s really fucking annoying. Seriously what a joke. A smart girl? No way.” and my personal favorite: “13. The term rape implies that a woman’s consent matters. Obviously it does not matter so rape does not exist.”
And that’s not even the worst of it, the statements get much more misogynistic and sadistic. I can’t even to begin to explain how angry they made me. But once again, my mother told me to just “let it go,” and “don’t indulge them.” And did I listen like a good little girl? HA! No, I decided to write an article and spread the word about this disgusting group, as well as write several comments questioning the size of their sexual organs…but we can disregard that part. So my question is ladies, when is it ok to just let it go? Is it ever?
Also – join the group I Hate the “102 Things Girls Really Need To Know About Guys!” Group. They think it’s sexist, too.
(21 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)
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Colleen @ at 12:50 pm, January 11th, 2010
this makes me angry too. everyone needs to report it. i don’t blame you for not wanting to let this one go….
it makes me wonder if these boys (i would never call them men) ever stop to think that their mothers are WOMEN. so are their sisters, aunts, and grandmothers…
Mvibes @ at 12:56 pm, January 11th, 2010
OMG thats…fucking rediculus! I know sometimes those lists of “things to know” are supposed to be jokes, but those aren’t even funny!
“dreams and goals are satans way of distracting you from making dinner” is sort of funny, if said in a completely joking matter. But “no such thing as rape”, “smart girls, yeah right”, and “women are for 3 things only” are not funny. Not in the least!
I would have done the exact same thing as you. Maybe I too have problems “letting things go” Or maybe I dont. Maybe other people just have a hard time knowing the difference between funny and offensve as hell! All we are doing is showing them their “jokes” are anything but.
Ruth @ at 1:03 pm, January 11th, 2010
First of all I don’t think you have an impulse control problem
. I think you suffer from what is known as “outspokenness” which is a terrible condistion that can lead to people paying attention to what women think. Okay that’s enough with sarcasm mode (I wish there was a font that looked sarcastic). Please keep talking! I’m also pretty opinonated but as I’m pretty quite the rest of the time I don’t get a lot of **** for it.
Taylor S @ at 1:23 pm, January 11th, 2010
Ahhh I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. My mother is EXACTLY the same; except my issues started as bullying…and well, progressed to social injustice.
When people tell you to let it go, there is only one thing to do.
Talk louder! Scream it from the rooftops is only maybe someone will listen.
Alex Catgirl @ at 1:33 pm, January 11th, 2010
Those are yobs, not boys, and they will spend the rest of their pathetic lives living in their mummy’s basement ranting about women they don’t have a chance with.
Sooo make fun of them,but not with a Facebook account that has your full name associated with it, no we can make fun of them here at the F-Bomb! So when they spew their vile, sexist crap, Julie can just delete it
Making the yob very angry, they will stamp their feet, curse at the computer, call us hos and refuse to go eat when mum calls them for dinner, choosing to waste even more time creating sad little facebook groups, nobody else reads, proclaiming their hatred of women.
Amy CT @ at 1:58 pm, January 11th, 2010
I second that motion, @Alex Catgirl
Alice @ at 3:30 pm, January 11th, 2010
Anyone else seen the group about guys being kicked in the balls if girls get period pain? or all the “hi I’m a girl and I (insert misogynistic comment here)” groups? Sure, sexism works both ways (I’ve seen plenty of “hi I’m a boy and…” groups too), but trawling these pages a while back trying to work out if they were “jokes” or not, I found a comment on the period pain group from a guy saying something along the lines of “if you think this you deserve to be sexually assaulted”. He later claimed it was just a joke, but seriously? Girls belong in the kitchen? I hope this IDIOT can cook for himself, because at this rate he will never have a girlfriend.
Monia @ at 3:39 pm, January 11th, 2010
i don’t know if it did any good but i reported it to fb. so many racist and sexist comments that are unacceptable even in the name of “humor”.
GF @ at 4:04 pm, January 11th, 2010
Way to go!
Can’t you report the misogynistic group to the Facebook administration? (Or somesuch, I have no idea.) If they really are going —
“13. The term rape implies that a woman’s consent matters. Obviously it does not matter so rape does not exist.”
– that is a bona fide hate crime stuff in the making. Maybe the Facebook could ban the group.
(No! I’m not in favor of the unpleasant women group either, but it seems that they don’t endorse sexual violence the way the other group does.)
Rae @ at 4:44 pm, January 11th, 2010
Oh no wait, I’m being far too optimistic. Least it makes us feel better…
Genevieve @ at 4:53 pm, January 11th, 2010
I hope this IDIOT can cook for himself, because at this rate he will never have a girlfriend.
My roommate has a cookbook called “The Art of Cooking for One.” This dude should probably invest in it, it’ll probably be helpful in his sad, misogynist life.
On the main topic…I’ve seen those lists before–the ass who started a “Conservative Club” on my campus was a part of the “male” list. He made his Facebook page visible to everyone on campus, so those of us who were feminists of the sneaky, curious bent went looking around at that–and his other assorted racist/sexist crap.
Vee @ at 5:49 pm, January 11th, 2010
Funnily enough my sister and I were talking about letting things go the other day. I vehemently believe that it is never okay to let it go especially if a situation is not addressed and/or resolved. If everyone just let everything go, there would be no one championing for rights or against any injustices. We have voices, so why not use them?
Moria @ at 9:41 pm, January 11th, 2010
If we just let everything go, we are essentially giving up on people and our ideas. We need to try to address hatred in the world, otherwise we aren’t meeting our potential. Good for you for speaking your mind! Being complicit in misogyny and indifferent to problematic and bigoted actions and words of others isn’t helpful, but speaking out and questioning their hateful attitudes is.
Alex F @ at 9:44 pm, January 11th, 2010
I just looked at the original group and I am still screaming inside (can’t outside, cat is purring on my lap, lol)This group makes me SOOOO angry!!! One girl said “This is so sexist” and people told her that she should just go cook a steak. Steak and strip they said. O_O That makes me VERY angry! I wish we could fight that kind of stupid, but I’m afraid we just can’t.
Colleen @ at 1:15 am, January 12th, 2010
I actually had like 3 hour long fights with the “boys” (i prefer pathetic excuses for human beings)
At a point I just stopped because it got boring.
Their insults and arguments didn’t go beyond
“Suck my d*** bitch!” and much more crude things that I’m sure Julie wouldn’t appreciate me saying on her website
Literally, I was just thinking…why am I bothering continuing this war when they don’t even have the brain capacity to understand the things I’m saying!
So I just reported it a thousand times to Facebook (but I honestly don’t know how much good that will do) As a direct call for violence, cause I’ve heard sexist jokes about cooking and cleaning before, but this:
“13. The term rape implies that a woman’s consent matters. Obviously it does not matter so rape does not exist.”
Just shouldn’t be laughed off. Its inexcusable, and unforgivable.
Kelly Anne @ at 1:38 am, January 12th, 2010
I LOVE MY LITTLE SISTER FOR WRITING THIS!
KS @ at 1:50 am, January 12th, 2010
These things are never okay. If we let this go, who’s going to change thins? As you so well put it, “relationship is a partnership,” which also means that rape is a form of violence and women are not for three things.
KS
O'Phylia @ at 9:15 am, January 12th, 2010
This is just plain disgusting.
For the first group, I am so sick of the stigma that females want a guy to “protect and take care” of them. Like you said, love is about sacrifice and partnership. Not someone showing up on a white horse to take away everything that ever went wrong with you. Love is not panacea.
Now, let’s get to the guy one.
Way to further the “dumb-guy” stereotype people. It’s not like we don’t get enough of that from commercials and television; now they had to make a group on a social networking site that’s pretty much said “Please don’t take men seriously. We hate women, but we need something to stick our dicks in. If you are one of those ‘independent women,’ go screw yourself cause you’re just not real. We reject your reality, and substitute it with chauvinist-idiocy.’
Morgan @ at 10:51 am, January 12th, 2010
Wow, to be honest i think you should ignore your mom on this point. Yeah, some people have a hard time letting things go but don’t hesitate to speak out! I’m sure she means the best because she’s your mom and loves you. However you’ve proven you have a voice by posting on this site. In an ideal world everyone should speak out about what they please, never hesitate.
I think the only thing my mom has said similar to is to be careful how to present your case. To be concise and smart about it and not just spur your argument out without thought cause it won’t make any sense. Which I think goes for pretty much anything you want to say. Which you have obviously done in this article.
Keep it up! You are definitely a role model for those going through the same issues.
melody @ at 1:44 pm, January 12th, 2010
looks like the rape comment (#13) got taken down and replaced??
melody @ at 1:45 pm, January 12th, 2010
SHIZ! j/k, i looked at the wrong one. sorry
Samuel W. @ at 4:15 pm, January 12th, 2010
I joined the “I Hate the 102 Things Girls Really Need to Know About Guys!” list, and I commented that as a guy I thought other guys shouldn’t waste their time with such stupidity as that idiotic list, which was intended as a dumb joke but it’s still stupid anyway. I got a few comments to that wall post, one of which said it was hard to take seriously a guy with a ken doll that has marker on his face (which according to him I used to plan my own make-up job) as his FB profile pic. Another guy made an analogy to that scene with the Barbie dolls in Grandma’s Boy! I actually thought it was utterly, utterly hilarious rather than insulting, it has got to be the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. I’ve gotten a lot of moronic internet comments in one way or another in my time, almost all of which have been funny rather than insulting to me personally, but that one is the most unintentionally hilarious I have ever seen.
Kayle @ at 5:05 pm, January 12th, 2010
okay right now I am so proud to say that the person who wrote this article happens to be my best friend in the whole world
I love you and your amazing writing skills.
and you are completely right colleen. Men are obviously insecure with the idea that women are getting more powerful in todays society. Sexism like that group is disgusting and horrible, and by creating an anti-group to “102 things girls really need to know about guys!” is a great way to protest their beliefs.
keep on writing colleen
Zoe @ at 9:37 pm, January 12th, 2010
Oh my God…I read that ’102 things girls should know about guys’ page and I feel absolutely sick, like I’m going to throw up. To think there are actually sick twisted mysoginistic pigs like that out there (sorry, that’s an offense to pigs)! They should be reported.
Maddy @ at 11:43 pm, January 12th, 2010
I am so glad to call u my friend. hahah and yes i did look you up. But the thing is even though i sometimes fall subject to the “102 things guys should know bout girls” fantasy I had never thought that it was, as you put it, also putting pressure on the guys. This group is gross and even if in the begginiing it was ment to be funny their were definite lines crossed in some of the things. The creators forgot that they were posting it where people could see it and get offended rather than just making some funny sexist joke to their friends. Your an amazing writer colleen!
PatriarchySlayer @ at 2:30 am, January 13th, 2010
That is just a great example of how angry I get with anything to do with this topic. Even in the relationship self-help section of your local Chapters there is tons of crap on what women need to know about men and vice versa. Most of it is archaic and irritating. This trend of advice is a problem for me because again it’s creating this huge void between men and women and doesn’t even account for the possiblity of same sex relationships.
What can men do to figure out what women want, how to be in a relationship…ask!!
Ruth @ at 4:46 am, January 13th, 2010
I just read some of the list on the “what girls need to know” page and now know what to read if I ever have to have a fight to the death, it was just so hateful! While the “what guys should know” page can be eye roll worthy some of the stuff seems reasonable “please listen to us and don’t interupt when we’ve had a bad day”, “We don’t like clingyness either”, “we like surprise presents but don’t make them too expensieve, we like the surprise more”.
sangetencre @ at 9:31 am, January 13th, 2010
I’m certain the 102 Things Girls Should Know page was created with the exact intention of getting a rise.
Of course, the fact remains that there are many men–and not a few women–who hold some truth to the shit spouted over there.
Further, the fact that these kinds of “jokes” are considered funny just proves how far our society still has to go.
Things like this are the equivalent of a joke that runs riot through a group for days or weeks on end until you’re tempted to box the ears of the next person who tells it for not having one original thought in their head.
I have a sense of humor.
It’s just, apparently, more discerning than many.
And to the 102 Things Guys Should Know…
Really? Can’t we step away from the Cosmo-Glamour-Generated-ClapTrap about how women just want to be loved and cuddled and protected by a big strapping knight in shining armor? (There are a couple of good points in the list, but they’re mostly overshadowed by glurge.)
Samuel W. @ at 10:50 am, January 14th, 2010
I still think it was a pretty pointless, stupid and potentially hurtful idea to create that whole page, but now that I see there’s all this drama going on on the “I Hate the List” group, I’ve come to regret coming on and immediately putting up a condemnation of its makers, because apparently members of the original group are joining the anti-group and getting into this big, bloated internet drama thing, so I left the anti-group just because I didn’t want to get caught up in a tedious cycle of net drama that was inevitably going to start. I kinda reacted before I found out it was a complete joke intended specifically to make people get pissed and merely a page for hardcore trolls to act like trolls. I’d recommend that people just ignore it, hate it in private and/or complain about it to friends & family who’ll probably agree with you rather than join the anti-page and get in internet fights with strangers and all that crap at this point.
Colleen R @ at 5:43 pm, January 14th, 2010
I don’t like how people are saying its just a joke,
because men shouldn’t joke about raping women
and abusive things
The pictures they post on that group are VILE! They have photos of women being abused! Thats GOT to cross the line of just asshole jokes to hate crimes
But no yeah, you’re right, some of the makers say “its just a joke” which gives me at least a LITTLE relief
compared to the other makers who say
WHEN WILL PEOPLE GET IT
THIS IS NOT A JOKE
which I kid you not, terrifies me.
Shut the Fuck Up. « More Sex Chocolate and Red Lipstick @ at 7:06 pm, January 14th, 2010
[...] 15, 2010 in Uncategorized I read this post about ‘Impulse Control’ on the fbomb a few days ago and it got me to thinking: when is it time to fight and when is it time [...]
Naim @ at 1:49 pm, January 25th, 2010
Hi. Bet you weren’t expecting to see me on here, weren’t you? My name is Naim Goodman. The former acting admin and now admin in name only of “102 Things Girls Really Need To Know About Girls!” Apparently, you don’t know what we stand for, so I’m going to give you my farewell address form the group.
“On a serious note.
Someone REALLY just complained to one of my school’s administrators. Some people just don’t understand the concept of satire. This is a sad day for America and the world. When a few people can’t say a few off color things and not mean it, and get witch hunted for it, we truly have a failure to communicate. This makes me depressed beyond all words. The sensitivity of the world, apparently is so delicate that they can’t see obvious satire of sexism. No one here is real sexist and believe me if you think we are a real organization with real ideals and real versions of these horrible horrible people, you need to reevaluate your life. It’s Facebook. Nothing on here is legitimate. I am disappointed and annoyed with the person who decided to “turn me in” as it were. It saddens me. So this draws me to my last point. As of today, this will be my last post. I will not participate in “sexism” anymore, because apparently my free speech rights don’t matter anymore.
-Naim.”
Am I STILL a sexist? Despite the fact that I’ve been raised by two women for most of my adolescent life? Am I still a sexist, when I’m one of the most chivalrous people my peer group knows? You do realize, that most of this group is just teenage kids getting their laughs in right? None of this is a reflection on us at all.
Colleen R @ at 12:04 am, February 28th, 2010
Yes Naim, you are still sexist.
You’re so full of shit and you don’t even see it, it makes me laugh.
Thank god you’re group finally got shut down, maybe now you’ll grow up
BYE!
David Pliskin @ at 11:05 pm, April 2nd, 2010
Hahahahaha 102 is still strong!
Thomas @ at 4:29 am, May 6th, 2010
Great article Colleen R. I find these kind of groups so pathetic though, don’t you? I mean the “102 things a guy should know about girls”. The other one, about what girls should know about guys, is a bit more about satire, but equally as meaningless and quite misogynistic, as you implied.
I have a question though: Why do you have a PC in your kitchen? Or I can get to the point: How do you write such a powerful article as ferociously as you do while making a sandwich at the same time?
Brittni @ at 5:23 pm, May 6th, 2010
It’s really not a big deal in my opinion. It’s obviously a joke. (for teenagers mainly) I’m a female, and I like women jokes, because I’m mature enough to realize that when someone makes a joke like that, they don’t actually mean it. They aren’t really sexist. Girls make jokes about guys most of the time. WOMAN ARE JUST AS GUILTY AS MEN HALF THE TIME. One sex, is NOT better than the other. If you people are going to whine about people who joke about it, then that’s pathetic in my book. If you don’t like it, start a group against abuse towards women, or sexist men something that MATTERS! Something that will help women who get abused. I’m 100% for that idea! That’s great! BUT getting mad about JOKES do NOT help these women and it’s just stupid. Don’t you guys see that? Sure, it’s crude humor but that is how soecity is. Grow up, and face it. You don’t have to think it’s funny, just shut up about it. Like I said, I’m a girl and I don’t care. I’m not going to whine about it because it’s not important to me. Anyways, I just, ugh, I’m so angered about people who take time to worry about a list of teenage jokes when there is poverty, war and other more important things going on in the world. Grow up, please.
On a side note, if you don’t like these guys who say this, don’t date them or befriend them. The reason most of your females (as myself) think all guys are like this, is because you ignore the sweet guys because they aren’t the best looking or w/e, and go for the guys who treat you like that. Half of you, are asking for it by doing that. I said half, not all. So don’t flame my ass. Okay, I’m done. Bye.
eazye @ at 1:19 am, May 9th, 2010
just calm down everyone. your mother is right, choose your battles. also learn how to recognize a joke. if you dont find it funny, then just ignore it, rather than flippin out like this. seriously, this is bad for your blood pressure. go nake some sandwichs :p
Colleen R @ at 12:09 am, August 24th, 2010
Easy guys, I can take a joke. My (male) friends tease me all the time about sandwich-making and kitchen jokes. These guys just harassed my friend, who is a rape victim. I took it personally. I just chose to leave that out of the article for her sake. But if you must know…that’s why I freaked out.
Sherry @ at 5:43 am, May 4th, 2011
Ppl like you get all the brains. I just get to say thanks for he aenwsr.