Feminism | Posted by Veronica N on 02/10/2010
“But Baby…”
representing the pro-choice side at the super bowl: Scott Fujita
I am a 14 year old girl, and a freshman in high school. I go to a great school, have amazing friends, and have found a love so deep and so early it’s impossible to understand. That said, I am also a feminist. I am relatively new to the feminism sphere sure, but I have always been fast holding in my opinions, beliefs, and ideals. One big thing for me is pro-choice legality.
Today, I mentioned the fact that although I don’t care for either Super Bowl team this year, I am for the Saints because of Scott Fujita and what he stands for. My boyfriend has never taken me for a feminist and thought I didn’t seem like the ‘type’. He likes feminists, he likes me, and so there was no problem with this situation. That is until I brought up being pro -choice and he quickly informed me of his pro- life (in my opinion anti -choice with a nice title) status.
To speak honestly, I was surprised. Not only is this coming from my anti-law/government partner, but also from a boy who is for gay rights and, not surprisingly, pot, not to mention other things. I know this doesn’t seem like too big of a surprise and that I may be overreacting, and that’s what I told myself until, and here’s the kicker, he then said, “If there wasn’t a law against killing, I wouldn’t care. I just think it’s hypocrisy.”
Wait, let me get this straight…I was just informed that if there were no law against murder he wouldn’t care? How does that make sense?
Tell me, how would you handle this situation? For now I’ll let it go but if this comes up again, I hope to have a better handle on how to respond to this situation.
(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Toongrrl @ at 12:14 pm, February 10th, 2010
He is aware that there are desperate women out there that can’t have a baby right NOW???
Morgan @ at 12:52 pm, February 10th, 2010
I think the only thing you can do, if it comes up again (or if it really bothers you, bring it up) is to explain your points/ideas of why you are pro-choice.
From what it sounds of things he is saying (that he is anti-choice but wouldn’t care if there wasn’t a law against murder, which as we all know, many anti-choicers say that abortion is murder) he sounds slightly confused.
Perhaps if you explained to him the pro-choice arguments, and that it means a lot to you and MANY other women, he could understand more.
I know personally it would be extremely hard for me to be with someone who wasn’t pro-choice because it’s such an important argument and so incredibly controversial and is mostly just a question of if you care about women’s health and well-being or not.
Good luck with this, it’s a hard one.
ACW @ at 3:03 pm, February 10th, 2010
I highly recommend locating and reviewing JJ Thomson’s essay, particularly the scenarios about the violinist and about the people seeds. An overview:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Defense_of_Abortion
Thomson makes a distinction between killing and allowing to die. Regardless of one’s position on the subject, it’s a worthwhile read.
Issa Marie @ at 4:57 pm, February 10th, 2010
I don’t quite think that abortion is murder. On two levels. One, can you really murder something that isn’t a person yet? Think about it. A fetus has all the possibility of being a person, but it hasn’t happened yet. A good amount of the time it doesn’t happen anyway for physical reasons. Miscarriage and all that.
On the second level in war which this country whole heartedly supports we distance the definition of murder away from the definition of murder, isn’t that viewpoint hypocritical just on the basis that war involves cognitive people killing other cognitive fully formed people.
Also how would he justify allowing the women who will have botched abortions to die? If we disregard people who are fully formed and already alive why should we be so delicate to not eradicate the possibility of a life. What’s the point in grabbing at the possibilities and ignoring the realities around us?
Yeah. just giving you some points to argue on.
Rosa @ at 5:46 pm, February 10th, 2010
I think you should show your boyfriend this:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/05a75a5837/every-sperm-could-be-tim-tebow
Ash @ at 12:14 pm, February 11th, 2010
I can certainly see where you’re coming from, and I’ve always considered myself pro-choice as well–in fact, in my opinion, this who thing should be a non-issue (much like gay rights)–but just to play devil’s advocate here, I feel the need to bring up an interesting article I read in one of my Women’s Studies courses at university that discussed how a feminist can actually be “pro-life” as they call it. She explained that abortions are a slippery slope; that is, sure, some women can’t have babies for medical issues, or simply because they aren’t ready, or were raped, etc–but what happens when abortions are so accessible that women who find out they’re going to have a handicapped or otherwise disabled child decide to abort? How is that equal rights for the baby? Remember that feminism is not only about equal rights between women and men, but also between races, sexual orientations, medical disadvantages, etc.
I really appreciate that someone so young is able to think for herself, and I encourage you to continue on your search for answers… just remember that there are always other sides to an argument. It’ll make your own arguments stronger if you’ve considered other possible points of view first.
Peace!
Ash
cathy @ at 2:33 pm, February 11th, 2010
I’m going to guess that he hasn’t really thought this through, and that his reasoning was made up on the spot, at some point in time, and never carefully analyzed.
I could be wrong about that, but unless he has conceived a child in the past, it is unlikely that this issue is one he has considered carefully. He’s probably had no reason to.
Since this issue is important to you, I wouldn’t let it go. I would explain to him all of the reasons that I was pro-choice, perhaps provide him with some literature, and ask him to think about it.
I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t respect my reproductive rights, at least in part because of the consequences it could have for me if there was an accidental pregnancy. But also because it would mean that he didn’t respect me enough to respect my bodily autonomy.
It sounds like you have a good relationship, generally, so I hope that he sees the light.
RebJ @ at 9:06 pm, February 11th, 2010
Does he know that being pro-choice doesn’t necessarily mean pro-abortion, whereas being “pro-life” most definitely means anti-abortion, and not really “for” life at all (i.e. the mother’s life). Does he know that the term pro-choice recognizes the full complexity and diversity of pregnancy situations in which “choice” is so important (whereas the term “pro-life” only sees one thing, a microscopic life form dying)? Have a discussion about it; if you’re both open-minded, it will go well.
CaleyS @ at 3:35 pm, March 3rd, 2010
It often helps to put it in perspective, as RebJ did. I prefer the following point:
Neither side favors forced abortions. But pro-lifers DO support forced pregnancy. Which gives women the choice to live their lives as they please?
Brooke @ at 8:23 pm, March 24th, 2010
CaleyS says, “Neither side favors forced abortions. But pro-lifers DO support forced pregnancy,” which brings up an important point. Caley and many other commenters on this page assume that to be “pro-life” means that one not only believes abortion to be a moral wrong, but also wishes for abortion to be illegal.
This is a mistake. Many Americans–such as myself–are convinced that abortion is murder of a human person, also feel strongly that new laws against abortion would create more problems than they would solve. I think abortion is a great sadness, and I hope it becomes rarer rather than more frequent, but I wouldn’t dream of achieving this by legal force.
Most importantly, I believe that one of the best ways to reduce the number of abortions is to provide better education and better access to birth control, and I’m proud to call myself a pro-life feminist committed to pursuing these goals.
sara @ at 1:26 pm, October 15th, 2010
if you want to call pro-lifers “anti-choice,” it’s only appropriate to call pro-choicers “anti-life.” If we’re going to be on a level playing field. No pro-life person would spit on you or swear at you if you protested in front of a pregnancy help center. However, thousands of pro-life people are harassed by bystaders as they pray in protest in front of abortion clinics. How do I know? I’m one of them. I’m the girl holding the rosary, the one singing psalms, the one who is praying in memory of her baby sister, who was disabled and could not live outside the womb. So thanks for yelling at me, calling me names, and thinking I’m a crazy religious zealot. I’m a teenage girl, just like most of you, and I’ve seen and met so many women who regret their abortions, and ones who, after seeing their child move in an ultrasound, could not go through with the suction of the fetus out of the uterus. Check out a video of an abortion sometime. see the pain on that tint person’s face? they’re a baby. they deserve to choose their fate as much as you or me. Thanks.
marla m @ at 5:35 pm, December 29th, 2011
I, like your boyfriend, am pro-gay rights, pro-marijuana legalization, and also pro-life. Why? Because the former two deal with consenting adults who are not hurting anyone else with their decisions, but the latter not only harms the child, but also–what about the father’s reproductive rights? Why does the woman get sole control over whether or not a man is allowed to have a baby? Also an abortion does not just affect the pregnant woman, baby, and father, but also by having an abortion you are depriving your parents of grandchildren, your siblings of nieces/nephews, etc. I do support abortions if the mother’s life is in danger due to the pregnancy, but other than that I believe it is a very selfish decision, if you do not want a baby keep it in your pants or use condoms and pills. It’s that simple. You can get them for free easily if you’re low income (I’m in college so I qualify and know this for certain), so there is no excuse if you were not raped.