I tried to read the review of Bigelow, but I kept getting irritated by the Google ads. But from what I did read, here’s my opinion:
I think Bigelow is taking a fresh look on war as opposed to Nochimson. Nochimson failed to remember that not everyone reacts to war the same, and thus, you could get something COMPLETELY different than what most people see.
And did anyone else feel a bit off with how she kept saying Bigelow was a “transvestite,” like being one is a bad thing in the first place? You know, really strong vibes of cisgender supremacy? Meh, maybe I’m sensitive.

For your main point, “women should stand together,” I agree. I always felt the “comparison game” was childish, but if I say this out loud, the replies are, “Well, you just don’t understand” or “EVERYBODY does it.” Just because everyone does it, doesn’t mean it’s right.