Feminism | Posted by Vimbai D on 03/29/2010

A Sibling Comparison

During a fairly casual History lesson, a few classmates, my teacher and I were talking about our families, in particular how our parents treat us in comparison to our siblings. All the expected things were said: the youngest is treated like a fragile baby and gets away with murder while the oldest has the burden of expectations. But what I found interesting was that one of my classmates was forbidden by her parents, especially her mother, from calling her brothers (who are all younger than her) stupid or any other variation of the word. Come rain or shine, anger or annoyance, laughter or tears she could not call her brothers stupid and if she did she would be punished. We all assumed it because it was not a very nice thing to call someone and the sentiment applied to her brothers as well. But she corrected us: they could call her stupid, and did, frequently in fact, without fearing the same chastisement she would endure.

Interestingly, my classmate didn’t understand our reaction; she thought it was completely normal to not be allowed to call her brothers stupid even in jest. Spurred on by our looks of disbelief, she attempted to justify her parents’ ban. Calling her brothers stupid would: 1) injure their pride and weaken their masculinity and 2) one day she would get married and she wouldn’t be a good wife if she didn’t know how to speak to her husband properly. Aside from the reasons why she agreed with the ban or the ban itself, I don’t think any of us would have had a problem with the ban on stupid had it applied to her and her brothers. In fact we all agreed that calling someone stupid was disrespectful and so what her parents were doing is nothing short of encouraging her to be respectful. But their actions beg the question: does she not deserve to be respected because she is a girl?

Yes, I run the risk of perhaps over-analysing their rule but that is what it seems like they are doing: her brothers are boys, they deserve respect and so she should show it. She is a girl, she doesn’t deserve respect and so her brothers can call her stupid whenever they wish. Their actions also act to reinforce the idea that women are the inferior gender, the less “special” gender. By suggesting that calling her brothers stupid would injure their pride, her parents held her male siblings’ ego in higher regard than their daughter’s. Her brothers are more important than her, their egos deserve protecting and hers is not as important: it can be damaged and wounded and the impact of that is of no significance.

More than that, I believe her parents’ actions act as proof that if the idea of gender equality should be a cemented part of our society it should start at home. If parents shape their childrens’ view of the world they really shouldn’t enforce rules that make one gender more special than the other. Yes, I know that nowadays more and more people claim that children and young people are learning more about life from TV, their friends, and the mighty, mighty internet than their parents, carers, guardians and so on. Call me naive or old fashioned but I still firmly believe that your life at home, your parents, guardians or carers will have a greater influence on you than the internet could ever have. So, if gender equality is encouraged at home, the demand and notion of equality between genders will expand to all other avenues outside the home. If it is not encouraged at home the likely result is a steadfast belief that one gender is more special than the other. This is no more evident than in the fact that my classmate firmly believes that as men her brothers deserve more respect than her (yes she said this, yes our jaws dropped in unison). Already she does not expect equality, in terms of respect, because she is a woman. And using her stance as a guide, there is a possibility that her brothers will grow up and not offer respect to women but always expect it from them instead; they will grow up to believe that they deserve to be respected solely because they are men, their gender alone gives them that privilege.

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