Feminism | Posted by Veronica N on 06/28/2010
Self Respect and Sexting: Take 2
Sexting: Not Always a Case of No Self-Respect
While it may be true, especially publicly speaking, that “sexting” is a very negative thing for young women to do, I don’t feel this is always the case. Even if it’s not “true love” or if the couple isn’t going to be “together forever,” isn’t it still her choice? I mean, as far as the wide spread public goes, sexting is a bad thing; but that’s just the public view. No matter if the relationship will last, if two people have a certain respect for each other, then I say why not?
Now, this doesn’t say that it is something me and my boyfriend have done (mom, you can stop having a heart attack) but why does it have to mean that a girl feels so utterly crappy about herself that she has to send these photos to get a positive image? Sure, sometimes that is the case; but then you’re ignoring the other part – the part that the media isn’t alerted to because they don’t leak it. The part that is kept just between two people.
And hell, has it never been thought up that a young girl or woman wanted to take these pictures? That she takes them because she does feel beautiful, sexy, strong, or empowered? That maybe she just wants to share that empowerment with the guy or girl that she loves, or at least cares for?
Why can’t we tell girls the facts: that it’s not safe, that it might get leaked and they could get slut shamed? Why is it never mentioned that some women take these pictures and don’t share them? Or that it’s better done in a relationship with a mutual respect, not just a “oh baby I love you please help me cum.” People shouldn’t tell these girls what they can and cannot do, but encourage them to make healthy decisions for themselves, not just because what they’re doing upsets some people. Focus on them and their well being, maybe then the message will get through.
(13 votes, average: 4.31 out of 5)
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Read other posts about: feminism and sexting, girls and self-esteem, internet safety, sexting, teen girls and sexting
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Zoe Y. @ at 8:23 pm, June 28th, 2010
Thank you for this post. This reflects what I think about the sexting “situation” in the media. There are definitely two sides to the story and this side gets ignored. Both sides are important and absolutely valid. No situation is black and white, and it goes for sexting as well.
SarahC @ at 11:22 pm, June 28th, 2010
In terms of sexting, I have to say that perhaps my favorite opinion on the subject was expressed by Rusty DeWees, a comedian better known as The Logger. While far from a bastion of feminism, he does point out that if he had the choice between sending his daughter to a normal school dance or one where the boys and girls sat on opposite sides of the room and sent each other dirty cell-phone messages, he’d send her to the one with the cell phones.
While this isn’t exactly an enlightened point of view, it does help put sexting in perspective.
Taylor S @ at 2:34 am, June 29th, 2010
Oh man, commenter ^^ kinda missed the point eh? Looks like the Fbomb is getting popular enough to attract the attention of spammers.
I really agree with this article. One of the basics of feminism is to give women the right to choose what they want to do with their lives and bodies. If they choose to engage in this kind of behavior, then so be it. It’s their right to partake and enjoy in it
As long as it’s mutual, of course.
Samuel W. @ at 11:12 am, June 29th, 2010
It’s nice to see a second opinion on things. And no, it’s not because I’m a guy, it’s just nice to hear a different view of things from the main side of it, which is that sexting can often be a boyfriend’s pressure rather than the girl’s desire. Women shouldn’t sex-text unless they want to and their partner wants to, it just comes down to that for me, and I would never downright pressure any girl to do something like that, even if I were to ask subtly, because I wouldn’t want her to feel like it’s merely a chore for one thing. I would want her to enjoy it at some level as well, of course. If she doesn’t, I don’t want her forcing herself to do anything she doesn’t want to do.
Katherine C. @ at 10:41 pm, June 29th, 2010
Can the Kidphone thing please be removed?
Julie Z @ at 7:37 pm, June 30th, 2010
hey everybody sorry about that spam. i have to approve all comments so I’m not really sure how that one got past me…which is a little disconcerting for me =/
but please continue to comment without people trying to sell you shit…
Miriam @ at 9:37 am, July 1st, 2010
I’m glad to finally read a dissenting opinion about this. Nobody can tell you that you’re doing something because you don’t respect yourself. Only you can know your own motivations. I don’t doubt that some girls do send dirty pictures because they feel bad about themselves and hope to feel better, but that’s not the case for everyone.
Melissa @ at 2:04 pm, July 1st, 2010
Not to mention “sexting” (wow I hate these cutesy names for things) is a two-way street, at least in theory. While I’m sure there are some douchebag teenage boys who expect sexy pictures from their girlfriends without ever thinking of reciprocating…the fact remains that for a lot of girls/women who “sext,” it’s in trade for sexy pictures of the man in question. You just tend to hear about the girls since those are the pictures that wind up getting publicly distributed. Because women’s bodies are for public consumption, after all.
Christ @ at 2:22 am, July 2nd, 2010
i have a girl who is going into her teens soon and can i suggest that self respect to be tied with self confidence or having a healthy esteem of who they are. the peer pressures in school and not to mention from boys are strong. i think self-respect or self-confidence needs to be polished and practised daily right from a very young age.
Anne @ at 2:44 am, July 2nd, 2010
i just kinda have to wonder why men don’t need to take nude photos of themselves in order to feel “empowered”, but women always seem to feel a need to “prove” their sexualities by doing such things. men can run around in totally baggy clothing and we all acknowledge that he is a sexual being. he has no need to do anything, because it’s a given that men are sexual and since he already feels empowered no matter what state of dress or undress he is in, he has no need to peel off clothes for anyone, nor to wear sexy outfits or anything. but for some reason, our society feels that female sexuality needs to be proven, that we need to make a show of ourselves in order for everyone to believe that we are powerful, sexual beings. i am a sexy, empowered, sexual being whether or not i take nude pics, whether i am wearing a t-shirt or a cleavage-bearing tank top. and my boyfriend knows that.
Of All People, a Jezebel Should Know Better « Imagine Today @ at 4:31 pm, July 2nd, 2010
[...] just noticed, another young woman challenged the original post, on the F-Bomb here. I really like her take on [...]
Sarah @ at 4:30 pm, July 5th, 2010
I completely agree with this article. I take pictures of myself on my phone a lot, most of them would be considered explicit. And you know what, they make me feel amazing. They make me feel strong, sexy, empowered, not to mention BEAUTIFUL. And yes, I share a few of them with my girlfriend (yup, I’m queer) But it’s because I WANT to. And she would never share them with anyone. To be honest, I don’t regret a thing.
Sorry if this rambled….
Sara @ at 11:08 pm, July 24th, 2010
My bf and I “sext” but I would NEVER send a naked pic. to him because you just never know what could happen with it. If women out there are willing to endure the risk, power on ladies. I think laws need to be enacted to allow “ownership” of the photo to remain with the person in it or sending it. If there is explicit intend that it’s “for your eyes only” and the receiver ignores this, there should be consequences. Until then, don’t act helpless and surprised when your boy/girl starts passing around the nudie photo at work.
I’m an adult, a feminist, and a sexual being. I honestly chalk up my “sexting” to playful fun. We usually use lame innuendos anyways but I don’t say anything that would ruin me forever if anyone else caught a glimpse. Again I think the overall issue is that no one has rights or ownership of what they say or send.
I want to vomit at the idea of a young teenager, boy or girl, sexting. I’m old enough to know the risks and know why I choose to do it. When I have children and they eventually get a cellphone (when they’re 16 like I was) I plan on monitoring it closely. Where are these parents who are letting their teens send sexy pictures?
Natasha @ at 7:04 pm, September 2nd, 2010
I’m really glad that you pointed out that sexting is sometimes a way to be intimate in a relationship, rather than just a way girls with low self-esteem fish for compliments. As long as the people involved trust each other and agree not to share the photos even in the event of a breakup, then women (not girls under 18 because that’s technically illegal and child porn) should feel free to express affection this way.
Yen Scrape @ at 11:58 am, February 6th, 2011
thanks for sharing .:)