Feminism | Posted by Hannah K on 09/20/2010

Fudge

Fudge: A Feminist Issue / Delicious Dessert

Fudge: A Feminist Issue / Delicious Dessert

I go to a fairly progressive co-ed school in Northeast Ohio. We just implemented this new crazy schedule where no period is less than sixty minutes long, and there is going to be a three week period where we take only one class ALL DAY LONG. Yet, beneath this shiny, new agey exterior there seems to creep some weirdly archaic views of women.

These ideas presented themselves recently in the form of a few delicious and gooey pieces of fudge.

“Fudge” you say. “How can fudge be sexist? Fudge is chocolate. Fudge is goodness. Fudge is right.” Ah yes. How I wish. Yet, this fudge of sexism has a very specific purpose, a specific meaning. It is part of an old school tradition.

Before a football game a boy on the football team asks his girlfriend (or for lack of a girlfriend a girl he is interested in or just a friend) to make him fudge. Now, okay that sounds bad, but you’re wrong. It’s worse. “Making him fudge” doesn’t entail making fudge for just your boyfriend or your buddy. If you are asked to make fudge and you accept, you are expected to make fudge for the entire football team. That’s a lot of fudge.

My cousin, let’s call her Jane, is dating a senior on the football team, let’s call him John. So, last week he asked Jane to make fudge. She accepted, and proceeded to freak out for the three days until the day her fudgely duties arrived. The girlfriend who went before her made three kinds: chocolate, peanut butter, and double chocolate. Jane didn’t know what to do. She needed to make awesome fudge, for John’s reputation and her own. It’s no secret that the football team judges girls based on the quality of the fudge. It’s not a lasting judgement, a joke that fades, but no one wants to be associated with bad fudge. In a panic Jane baked a trial run (illegal under the never written down but well known Fudge Rules). Sources told her she had nothing to worry about, so she then spent Rosh Hashanah baking four trays of fudge. When we saw her that day at services she smiled tiredly, and told us of her new fudge making prowess. She noticed our salivating and promised to bring us a tray to eat at dinner.

I’m not going to lie. It was awesome. Yet, as I sat enjoying the buttery, sugary, chocolatey goodness, I couldn’t get the aftertaste of patriarchy out of my mouth. What does this fudge tradition imply?

Girls are homemakers. Girls are cooks and bakers and the boys they cook for are warriors who deserve a woman’s love in the form of food.

I don’t think the football boys actively have these thoughts as they eat fudge before games or when they ask their girlfriends to bake. I think their main thought is: yum. Still, these easy stereotypes played up in this tradition need to be laid to rest. Girls aren’t angels of the house anymore. Sure, some girls cook. Some don’t. Girls are fighters and warriors and athletes, not just cheerleaders. Girls should not be judged on their cooking abilities. Welcome to the 21st century.

There is a way to remedy this issue without becoming the Grinch who stole Fudge. It’s simple, possibly fun, and yes I benefit directly. The boys need to bake for the girls. Jane and I are both on the tennis team. When Tennis Districts roll around I will forgive John and the football team all their sexist leanings as long as John bakes our team cookies. It seems only fair. Jane made him fudge. He should make us food as well. Then the tradition becomes about supporting each other- not about some weird fifties housewife, dessert slavery show of affection. And lets be serious, baking cookies for seven girls on a tennis team is way easier than making fudge for 30 boys on a football team. But I want this to happen, and I’m willing to start small.

The tradition doesn’t need to disappear; it needs to change. It’s not about telling off the football players; it’s about creating a new tradition where students of both genders at my school support each other as people and athletes. It’s about baking for each other, showing warm sugary love- free of outdated expectations of the female gender.

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  • Julia @ at 11:44 am, September 20th, 2010

    Totally right.
    I always wondered, what’s about the girls who aren’t able to cook or bake? Are they less loving?
    Not even my grandma thought like that.

  • Ryan @ at 2:11 pm, September 20th, 2010

    I wish this could be true but females will never step up to the plate and provide for, nor protect men. Females will always be dependent upon men or government to provide for and protect them.

    Women are incapable of supporting themselves in marriage but most importantly after divorce. Women and children are in the same category. Both are made the responsibility of men to take care of.

    The tradition of which you speak comes from the expectation that women will nurture and support the men they are dependent on, the men that depend on them.

    Until men no longer are expected to be the only ones to acquire territory and resources, until all the lines between countries are not drawn in the blood and sweat of men and boys, until men are no longer expected to jeopardize or own welbeing, safety and our lives when there is danger, until men no longer have to pay to support you on a date, in marriage and most especially after divorce, until women are able to support themselves and children on their own without the help of men or government they should have some sort of reciprocal obligations to men.

    If this means providing nurturing sustainence while the men work then that’s what it means. My father and I would do the same thing at home. We mower the lawn, cut down the dead limbs of the Oak tree with a chainsaw and GUESS WHAT my mother was kind enough to make us sandwiches and lemonade.

    The tradition you write about comes from a larger social construct than your sports teams. It is indicative of how we function as a society. Things won’t change until women are independent from their dependency on men and government.

    Things won’t change until women have the same responsibilities toward and for men that men now have toward women.

  • Ryan @ at 2:23 pm, September 20th, 2010

    The truth is that men and women are different and we are supposed to NEED AND DEPEND on each other.

    Without the other we are unable to meet the ends of our own formation. We define each other. We are different and we are made for different things. We are supposed to be a team. It is supposed to be more practical for us to do different things to reach a common goal. It is practical for us to embrace this and not fight against it.

  • Ryan @ at 2:37 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Let men take on your gender role. Provide for us, protect us. Support us while we stay home and wean an infant and you might make progress toward equality. When we decide to leave you and take your children you had damn well better send us your money.

    Most women will never free men from our gender role. As men have given women choices women will never give men a choice. You will always use male lack of choices to support your own. You will always hold on to your female privilege.

  • SarahC @ at 2:40 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Ryan, we don’t need your bitterness here. You clearly have your own issues with women, quite potentially caused by a bad experience in the past. That’s okay, but unless you’re interested in constructive discussion, please find somewhere else to vent.

    Hannah, I like how you’re starting to equal up this tradition! With things like this, it’s definitely an easier road to add new traditions to even to load than it is to start refusing the old traditions.

  • Ryan @ at 4:01 pm, September 20th, 2010

    I’m not bitter Sarah, I’m being serious here. This is not emotional non sensical blathering but logical points which pertain to real cultural and societal norms.

    I take it that you really don’t know how to respond to my points other than attempting to dismiss them as bitterness. How about addressing my points in regard to gender roles?

  • Sarah T @ at 4:41 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Fuck you Ryan. If you’re so negative about all of the articles, why do you even read them?

  • Tommy @ at 4:54 pm, September 20th, 2010

    My girlfriend is on the varsity soccer team at our university and I similarly was asked to make cookies in a nearly identical scenario. I made them, and they were so-so. I viewed it as a fun thing that significant others did to show their support for the team that their girlfriends spent so much time and energy on, and to meet the other players on the team and have a good time. If any of the girls who baked fudge had a problem with it, couldn’t they just say no? They were “asked” after all… is this really something anyone needs to get all fired up about?

  • Ryan @ at 4:59 pm, September 20th, 2010

    I’m not being negative, I don’t really ascribe any feelings to my points. What I believe you are saying is that I have no legitament points.

    I don’t agree with you and believe I am making compelling points In regard to gender roles.

  • Sophie @ at 5:14 pm, September 20th, 2010

    *legitimate, Ryan, not ‘legitament’

    If you’re going to make an illogical argument, at least spell correctly. Also, if gender roles are societal constructs, which I’m fairly sure that we can all agree they are, then people like you propagating these views don’t really help to change anything. The reason why most readers of this website are interested in reading this website is most likely because they are already aware of the harmful constructs in society and wish to do something to change them.

  • Tessa @ at 5:56 pm, September 20th, 2010

    @Ryan

    Your points are certainly NOT compelling because no one here cares to answer them. They’re incredibly sexist and misogynistic, as well as completely NOT TRUE. You believe that all of society functions in a certain way because you have a blurred viewpoint of women and our roles in society. IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR POSTS, YOU SAY THAT WOMEN ARE DEPENDENT ON MEN. That’s sexist and offensive, and I don’t understand why your comments are not disregarded by the moderator.

    Why are you even on here if all you’re doing is disagreeing (not logically) with every article written by these wonderful women? I don’t understand why you need to rant about your emotions against women on the internet

  • Liz @ at 5:59 pm, September 20th, 2010

    One of my most heartwarming memories of high school (also a new-agey private-hippy kind of place, but on the east coast), was in my senior math class, we had a friday morning section. At the beginning of the year, our teacher asked that we trade off Fridays and bake or bring in food for the class to make the 8:30 calc session more bearable. One time, one of my classmates complained that we had too many brownies (I know… such a problem, but he was actually allergic to chocolate), so another boy in the class volunteered to bake apple brownies for that Friday. Come friday, he actually brought them in, and it was just one of the most adorable things I’d seen. Boys can bake too! Sounds like your school needs some lessons in gender equality.

  • Juliet @ at 6:00 pm, September 20th, 2010

    “You will always use male lack of choices to support your own. You will always hold on to your female privilege.”

    Ryan, I think your entire speech just pointed out that *there is no such thing* as female privilege. Since you appear to have no respect for women I do not understand why you are even reading the thoughful and intelligent essays posted at this blog.

    Hannah – so true, and when all genders have the same positive expectations of each other we will have a much closer-knit and respectful society.

  • Katherine C. @ at 6:34 pm, September 20th, 2010

    @Ryan: Fuck you! :)

    @Hannah: You rock! Way to shake things up!

  • Ryan @ at 6:53 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Tessa, women are dependent on men and government to support them. How can you deny this???

    In order to be equal you must no longer stay home while a man supports you.

    The infant should then be placed in a corporate or government child care facility so that the woman is able to work.

    If divorce takes place women should be able to support the children on her own. Men should not have to send women money. Women need to support themselves when they decide to divorce.

    At very least custody of children should be shared with the father. Until these things happen we will not be equal.

    Men must also not be expected to sacrifice our own safety and welbeing for women. Women must also insist on paying their own way while dating. She should have her own job.

    The whole idea is not to need a man. The whole purpose of female independence is to no longer have to depend on a man to support you. When will women be able to accomplish this???. It’s been 45 years since second wave feminism began and women are still being supported while they stay home and after divorce as well.

    When will you allow men to stay home and be supported by you? When will you share the children when you divorce men? When will you stop expecting men to pay for you and support you after you divorce him?

  • Maggie @ at 7:31 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Point Number 1: Women do leave the home and they do support themselves without any help from men in their lives or their governments

    Point Number 2: If women are single mothers then they do drop off their children at available day cares. And there is no such thing as government childcare, a fact that many feminists are pissed about.

    Point Number 3: Not all women decide they want to get divorced. If women gain primary custody of a child then the father is expected to pay alimony to SUPPORT HIS CHILD. Not his ex.

    Point Number 4: The preferred end result of divorce involving children is joint custody. I know this because I have several friends whose parents are divorced and both my parents come from divorced families.

    Point Number 5: Women are also expected to sacrifice health and safety, though not as much as men (pesky gender roles and all that), it’s called joining the goddamn military and both sexes do that.

    Point Number 6: Women work and sometimes *gasp* they support their families and their husbands. ex: My parents and my family, My mother runs three different hospitals and my father is a nurse at a retirement home, my mother makes twice of what my father does and my father is also my families primary childcare provider.

    Point Number 7: The whole idea is not “to not need a man” the whole idea is to not be expected that we don’t need them or to have people think that we still do. Most women, when they are with a man are because they CHOOSE to because idk they like him?

    Frankly Ryan, I just want to know what world you live in. Do you genuinely know any women? Do you have female co-workers or employers?

    And most importantly, how big of an oedipus complex do you have? Because seriously, dude, you’re freaking me out with your obvious issues with women (Women are awful because they need to be supported!…Why won’t women support men AKA me?).

    (Note To Julie: Could we please get him off of here? Obvious asshole is obvious)

  • Kali @ at 7:32 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Hannah,

    I thought that this was a really interesting piece and I agree with you that when it comes to real life, most gender roles and stereotypes aren’t there out of maliciousness but rather ignorance.

    But thankfully we have really awesome people like you who question those antiquated traditions!

  • A @ at 7:52 pm, September 20th, 2010

    ryan, your attitude is absolutely unacceptable.
    i can’t even believe there are people with such limited views in the world.

  • SarahC @ at 8:11 pm, September 20th, 2010

    @ryan when i was born, my mother took a year off from work to raise me. When I was in kindergarten, she took another year off for by brother. My father took 2 years off to raise a dog. My mother happily supported him during that period, because he was helping the family through doing housework and cooking.

    My mother doesn’t need my father for a damn thing besides their relationship. She has a full-time job, recieves benefits including the family health insurance, and made sure I learned necessary skills from operating a sewing machine to changing tires.

    In tenth grade, I went out and got a part-time job i proceeded to hold for three years. My slacker of a brother still doesn’t have a real job.

    Quit generalizing based on what I assume is your golddigger exwife. Real feminists don’t need men, although plenty of them enjoy having men in their lives.

  • Eric @ at 8:42 pm, September 20th, 2010

    @Ryan

    As a guy I usually just read this blog and don’t comment on it since I feel like all of the women here supply all of the commentary necessary. In this case however I can’t stop myself from responding to everything you said. It might be because it offends me to see you use the word logical(one of my absolute favorite words, just because it’s meaning is so beautiful) to describe such a disgusting and archaic mindset.

    You say that if mothers of young children decide to provide for their families than they have to find someone else to replace them as the primary caretaker of their children. Why the fuck is it the woman’s role to take care of the child while the man is out providing for them. The roles could just as easily be reversed. Men are just as capable as taking care of children as women are and women are just as capable of taking care of their families as men are. All your argument has done is point all the obvious gender roles that exist in our society. These roles are completely unnecessary and pretty much everyone I know who calls them self a feminist will tell you that they are unnecessary. The statement that women will never step up to the plate and provide for their families is repulsive and insulting not just to women but to humanity as a whole.

    Go take your patriarchal comments some place where the other readers won’t laugh at you for them. Also please thing rationally about what you are going to say before you decide to use the word logical.

  • *A* @ at 8:57 pm, September 20th, 2010

    I think what this comes down to is that people are INDIVIDUALS. Some of my friends have two parents that work; some people have stay-at-home dads/dads with part time jobs and mothers that work; and some people have the opposite. What works for one woman or man may not work for others, and what works for one family may not work for others. I think everyone should have the opportunity to do what they believe is best for him or herself.

  • Ryan @ at 9:13 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Eric says: “Why the fuck is it the woman’s role to take care of the child while the man is out providing for them”

    If you read what I wrote, I am thinking the same thing. Why won’t women provide for men and support men and our children, especially after we leave women in divorce. Men only initiate 30% of all divorce.

  • O'Phylia @ at 9:16 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Dear F Bombers,

    DON’T. FEED. THE. TROLL.

    Kthxbai.

  • Ryan @ at 10:12 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Don’t delegitimize my statements O’phylia Eric and I are working on reaching the same conclusion regarding gender roles.

    We are trying to understand why women won’t provide for men and children while we stay home.

    Eric and I both think men are capable and I would absolutly LOVE to be provided for by a woman, especially after I take her children from her in divorce and make support me.

    Currently men pay over 90% of support. I would love to have female privlege! I want women to take on male responsibities so that we can take on theirs. Currently women won’t let men have choices. Eric and I both agree that as is current men are not allowed the same choices as women.

    Women won’t provide to men while we stay home. Women won’t send men and children their money. After we divorce them. They won’t give up their female privilege. Women won’t give men choices.

    Men are still stuck in the same old gender role even while dating.

  • Ryan @ at 10:59 pm, September 20th, 2010

    Besides you are all welcome over at The-Spearhead to comment anytime.

    Women aren’t the only ones concerned about feminism and where it has led us. Men want to get things sorted out as well.

  • Eric @ at 12:13 am, September 21st, 2010

    @Ryan, Whoah, don’t put words in my mouth. Yours claims are illegitimate and if you read my post I think that it is quite clear that we are a very long ways away from reaching a similar conclusion. I don’t know where you got the idea that I believe that “as is current men are not allowed the same choices as women.” I openly identify as a radical pro-feminist and believe that women are an oppressed class in our society. Don’t come whining to me about all the terrible injustices that men are subjected to because they don’t exist. We unfortunately are the ruling class and we sure as hell reap the benefits of the power that we hold. This isn’t the way it should be, but it is the way it is. In other words your male privilege is showing.

    I don’t believe that women aren’t capable/willing to provide for their families, in fact many women do act as the primary providers for their families. Actually I think that the fact there are as many women acting as bread-winners today as there are goes to show how willing and capable they are since in order to do this they have to overcome the gender roles that have been forced on them by our society since they were born.

    Besides no one here is saying that the woman should work while the man “stays at home”(I don’t appreciate the way you reduce the work of stay-at-home moms to chillaxing at home on the couch). Couples should split up work and household duties in the way that they find works best for them and their children. The important thing is that both of them have equal say in how this works.

    Don’t assume that just because I have a similar reproductive organs as you that I agree with your bullshit arguments. I don’t think anyone here is going to comment at whatever site strokes your idea of male superiority. The very name of the site itself betrays it’s patriarchal position and no one is going to waste their time talking to a bunch of whiny men who are trying to hold on to their privileged place in society.

    Having said this I do agree with O’Phylia and I really shouldn’t be giving you attention that you don’t deserve, so I’m not going to write anything else here.

  • Emily @ at 4:07 am, September 21st, 2010

    Look! Ryan learnt something today! Not every man on this planet is a misogynistic, patriachal, whining dick like himself!

    Just because he’s a dude, Ryan, doesn’t mean he’s automatically gonna be on your side.

    And guess what? I fully support the views represented on this site and so does Eric, and so do all the girls you seem to love arguing with so much here. Why? Is it the only female contact you recieve all day?

    Look, I don’t even know you mate, but I think that you should just get right back to ‘The Spearhead’ or whatever it’s called, where you can moan about how incredibly easy women have it in life and how unbearably terrible it is for men (LOL!)

    Quit your whining, coz you know what, no-one here is listening, except to tell you how incredibly wrong you are. So kindly just, you know, fuck off :)

    /end rant

  • Sophie @ at 4:55 am, September 21st, 2010

    Pretty shitty thread to see my first time here. Just because you don’t agree with Ryan doesn’t mean you should abuse him and dismiss everything he says….maybe thats why nobody takes feminists seriously?

  • Emily @ at 8:50 am, September 21st, 2010

    sorry bout that sophie :) its just that this guy has been commenting that kinda stuff on loads of articles lately, i guess after a while it just starts to piss everyone off.. thats probably the reason he does it, but better not to get into that.. yeah :)

  • The Raisin Girl @ at 9:26 am, September 21st, 2010

    Ryan, since I do think it’s a little unfair that no one has bothered to simply answer you rather than shouting you down or dismissing you, let me go ahead and do it.

    1. I would venture to say that the main reason no one here wants to take you seriously is that you start of with a very large, generalized, and incorrect set of assumptions: that all women are dependent on men or government for survival, and that women, as a collective, either prefer it this way or are incapable of operating outside such a dependency. This is simply not true, and frankly quite insulting. Speaking as a young, single woman who just recently called her father to tell him joyfully that he would not be paying for her college tuition or health insurance this year, because she had managed to scrape together the money HERSELF by working all summer, I am personally insulted by this assertion that I must have a man to provide for me. Speaking as a woman who knows and has practiced basic self-defense, and as the friend of at least two women who have bravely and single-handedly fought off male attackers, I am insulted by the wrongheaded assumption that either myself or those women need men to protect us. And speaking as a woman raised by her grandmother when her father was incapable of doing so–her grandmother who divorced one man who was abusive and lazy, and cared for a second husband through terminal cancer, and then raised her son’s first child by herself with no financial aid from anyone, least of all that child’s father–I am insulted that you think a woman has to seek shelter within a marriage. There are millions of women who do just the opposite, and must seek shelter FROM the men they’ve married. Bearing in mind that my own personal experiences are far from isolated incidents, is it any wonder that most of the readers here are too insulted by your opening remarks to respond to you or care what you have to say?

    2. I do agree with you that the societal norm that puts all the financial pressures on men is wrong and an obstacle to equality. Men SHOULD be able to stay home and take care of children if that is what makes them happy, without any pressure to do otherwise or negative connotations attached to the choice. Men should not be the only people expected to defend their countries when defense is necessary. I think, if you will do some research, you will find that there are already people within the feminist movement fighting for a man’s right to make choices that are counter to socially acceptable “male” roles as well as a woman’s right to make choices outside of “female” roles. There are also many women who prefer to “go Dutch” rather than expect their dates to pay for them.

    3. As to your point about women providing nurturing sustenance to men, all I can say is that this article is not talking about the context of a woman who is at home while the man works–if a woman chooses to stay at home, as some still do, I do agree that she should do her part in that sphere. However, this article refers to a tradition between high school students. This is an atmosphere in which both sexes are expected to show up at a certain time, work all day, leave at a certain time, and do extra work outside of the school to be returned on a deadline. And on top of that, should the girls be expected to provide snacks for the boys who have chosen to do an extra activity? I fail to see how they should.

    4. The truth is that the only thing my sex organs can or should determine about my place in society is my ability–NOT my duty, merely my ABILITY–to become pregnant and have a child. And the only thing your possession of a penis can or should determine for you is your ability to cause a woman to become pregnant. End of story. If you are unhappy with your role in life or the way you relate to the women in your life, I suggest you start communicating with those women and making some changes in your own life, rather than merely complaining and generalizing your frustrations onto ALL women.

    5. Whatever you say to the contrary, the tone and word usage of your comments suggests that you feel personally persecuted by the gender norms imposed upon you by society. That’s fine! We’re all in the same boat here. The whole point of feminism is women fighting back against the idea that their sex should determine their place in society. If you feel like your sex has determined a place for you in society that you are unhappy with, perhaps you could join the conversation in a non-inflammatory, genuine way, and start to make some positive changes for men instead of blaming women for your feelings of oppression and persecution.

  • Ryan @ at 11:37 am, September 21st, 2010

    Listen, I have no problem with Matriarchy and the development of the Matriarchal family.

    However, since second wave feminism began women have been unable to support themselves or their children without needing men and/or government to send them money.

    The law by implication states that a woman and children are unable to survive on their own without a man and as such men are required to send woman support alimony

    The law by implication says that as fathers should not be necessary in the lives of their children that their role is instead that of provider and turned into a capitalized liability.

    My point is that the matriarchal family has proven impossible. Women have been unable to achieve it. Women lobbied for and created no-fault divorce law in the 1970s. The idea was to make the patriarchal family unnecessary by allowing women to force men to provide to them after divorce and at no fault or breach of the marriage contract.

    It follows as a logical conclusion that matriarcy is oppression of 3+ and that men need to liberate ourselves from the matriarchal family. In all known matrilines and matriarchies in nature the female is able to survive on her own and support young without a male.

    Human females have proven themselves incapable of this. It follows that men have no choice now but to liberate ourselves from the matriarchal family or insist that patriarchal family and marriage law be reinstated.

    Men must insist that women be able to support themselves without a man supporting them ESPECIALLY after no-fault divorce. Personally I believe that women are incapable of this.

  • Ryan @ at 11:48 am, September 21st, 2010

    Oops.. sorry, the autocorrect goes crazy sometimes. I meant to say the following.

    It follows as a logical conclusion that matriarchy is oppression of men and that men need to liberate ourselves from the matriarchal family.

  • Steph @ at 12:17 pm, September 21st, 2010

    @Sophie: The reason people are being the way we are towards Ryan is because he’s pretty much a troll. Rational arguments just DON’T WORK ON HIM. Believe me, I tried for about a week to explain things, and it didn’t work out.
    O’phylia’s right – ignore everything he posts.

  • Ryan @ at 2:22 pm, September 21st, 2010

    What is a Troll? This should not be about “explaining things to Ryan” but at very least a mutual understanding and hopefully some common agreement.

    I am here because I believe deeply in establishing rights for men and fathers. I believe in the health and welbeing of boys and men which is in contrast to the feminist establishment for women and girls.

    I am an MRA. I can’t speak for all men but I can learn from their thoughts and experiences and share my own. By this new consciousness among men we will better be able to understand the male condition in this new order and how to take care of our welfare. A lot has changed in the last 45 years.

    We are no doubt in the transition to a matriarchy and to the matriarchal family. Men need to understand just exactly what this means and how to look out for our health and welbeing in this new order. Men need to understand that we are not members of the matriarchal family and are currently being exploited in order to support this dynamic.

    Again it must be made clear that the feminist model created in order to allow for the matriarchal family has not been possible at this point. Women are still dependent on men to support them and offspring.

    All known matrilines and matriarchal groups in nature and even human cultures do not require the male to have to support a female or offspring.

    Under the feminist model males are removed from the family and forced to support the female and “her” offspring or the males wages and even unemployment can be garnished. If the male refuses to be the provider to the matriarchal family he can also be placed inside of a metal cage untill he submits to the role of provider.

    Men in turn need to become independent and liberated from women as women have been striving to do from men and the patriarchal family. Men need to learn just what their rights are, not only to their bodies and the fruits of its labor but to their children as well.

    Men should withdraw from marriage and the matriarchal family. I am pleased to say that we are in fact doing this in growing numbers. 40% of all births in the United States are to single, unmarried women.

  • Samuel W. @ at 2:47 pm, September 21st, 2010

    Never heard of that tradition. Must be super old. My dad’s the cook at our house & mom goes to work, so don’t talk to me when it comes to why gender roles are supposedly necessary.

  • Samuel W. @ at 2:52 pm, September 21st, 2010

    PS just ignore Mister Troll.

  • Ryan @ at 4:41 pm, September 21st, 2010

    I think you all would enjoy the video Workhorses of the Matriarchy on YouTube. I’ve learned a lot from this guy and men’s and fathers rights in general.

    Male consciousness raising has had explosive growth in the last couple of years. The other video entitled Men’s and Father’s Rights Movement United States & Great Britain is also a wonderful video on the struggle that men and boys face. The end of the video gives one great insight into misandry in popular culture.

    For those who think I am a “troll” I think you will change your mind after watching these videos. You may find out how sincere many men are about resolving these issues.

  • Sarah @ at 5:32 pm, September 21st, 2010

    Ryan, I am sorry that you appear to have been living under a rock and thus have never been exposed to women who do, in fact, single-handedly support themselves and their families. Maybe you fell asleep around the 1920s and only just woke up? Whatever the case, maybe you should go outside, talk to some women, and learn a bit before you go around making stupid, outdated generalizations.

  • Steph @ at 9:02 pm, September 21st, 2010

    Sarah: DO. NOT. ENGAGE.

  • Hannah K @ at 9:26 pm, September 21st, 2010

    It’s really nice to hear that I”m not crazy, that this tradition is old fashioned, because I’m running a version of this article in my school news paper. I went to ask the football coach if that would be ok- and honestly that conversation was one of the most uncomfortable of my entire life. He’s this sort of blue eyed white haired 50′s movie star, just a quintessential football coach. He didn’t see anything wrong with the tradition at all. I was left fumbling- trying to explain why the ideas it implied might be antiquated. I think it’s really hard for people to change views of traditions, things that are seen as sacred.
    How do you change that? I think the only way is by sharing- shifting the tradition, not obliterating it.

    We’ll see how many football guys talk to me after the article runs. Eh. Most of my friends run cross country. :)

  • Tessa @ at 9:43 pm, September 21st, 2010

    Can we PLEASE get Ryan kicked off of fbomb? It’s not because his views contradict femininism. I love some good controversy. However, his comments are just offensive and have no support to back them up. He’s trolling this site and attacking women, in general, in all the posts. I haven’t seen some good discussions about gender roles on the fbomb in so long because everything now revolves around “ryan”, the troll.

  • Emily @ at 2:20 am, September 22nd, 2010

    Tessa: agreed!!

  • Katherine C. @ at 9:41 am, September 22nd, 2010

    Thirded!!!!

  • Heather Aurelia @ at 12:47 pm, September 22nd, 2010

    I smell login to comment.

    I like this post because it makes people realize how ingrained sexism is. When I tell someone that I can’t cook, they look at me strange, like…wha’ you can’t cook? Even my bf’s mother was surprised. Really I hate cooking and I really don’t care.
    My bf cooks for me. :)

  • Ryan @ at 1:30 pm, September 22nd, 2010

    It is oppressive for women to cook right? I have no doubt that your boyfriend is the better cook. None of my girlfriends knew how to cook or were taught that it is oppression. I cooked instead.

    The worlds most talented and acclaimed chefs are men.

  • Brenna H. @ at 6:02 pm, September 22nd, 2010

    It’s a tradition. No big deal.
    I think this is one of those times that us feminists are overly-sensitive about an issue that doesn’t really matter.

  • Quinc @ at 2:36 am, September 23rd, 2010

    @Ryan
    Seriously, multiple examples have been presented here that counteract your claims, or at least prove they are not universal. Clearly you’ve never seen such a thing yourself, so sorry not our problem.

    The things Ryan says are often true, but only because of traditional gender roles, the very thing feminism seeks to change. Unfortunately Ryan has no idea what feminism is apparently. Feminism (despite the name) has nothing to do with instituting Matriarchy, and doesn’t prefer woman dominated families or male dominated.

    Somehow he perceives women as limiting his choices, but he doesn’t really explain this mechanism. How do they do that? Yes, men face penalties for going outside of their assigned roles, but guess what? So do women!

    If you want to adopt a new gender role or identity DO THAT ALREADY RYAN. Stop pretending you need a woman’s permission to redefine your masculinity. JUST DO IT. Finding a woman to provide for you might be harder (they’ve received the same messages as men) but it will be IMPOSSIBLE is you don’t ever accept what she has to say. LIKE YOU’RE DOING HERE.

  • Ryan @ at 11:59 am, September 23rd, 2010

    @Quinc No one said these things were universal but they are the norm.

    -”Somehow he perceives women as limiting his choices, but he doesn’t really explain this mechanism. How do they do that?”

    Think about it hard Quinc, women have choices and men have responsibility to support women and their choices.

  • The Raisin Girl @ at 3:03 am, September 29th, 2010

    Okay, Ryan, I think I see what you’re saying. Basically, you feel that there is an inherent bias in United States law that favor women in familial situations such as divorce. A divorced husband must pay alimony, for example, and a man who does not wish to be directly involved in his child’s life must still pay child support.

    I agree with you that these laws are unfair and biased in favor of women. If two people enter into a marriage, and that marriage contract is broken, I see no reason why either party should be financially liable to the other party. Possessions often have to be split when there is a joint ownership issue, but this is different than the concept of the man essentially paying for the fact that he was once connected to a woman, and no longer is.

    I also do not understand why it is considered necessary for a man to pay support for a child he helped create, especially when the decisions concerning the life and placement of the child are almost exclusively in the hands of the woman. There is a growing cultural shift toward de-stigmatizing abortions, and yet there is no corresponding shift toward the de-stigmatization of men who choose not to be fathers even if the woman chooses to become a mother. Essentially, if a woman chooses to have her child, this obligates the man as well if paternity can be proved. I fail to see how this is fair.

    Still, I think the problem is in the way you present your arguments. Instead of drawing broad generalizations about what women can or cannot do, perhaps you should present some actual facts and statistics, and say what specific issues are troubling to you.

  • Jack @ at 12:09 pm, October 2nd, 2010

    Ryan, you are an idiot.

    Hannah K… She didn’t have to make the fudge. There isn’t anything wrong with the tradition, there is something wrong with Jane. She is the loser for making it. She didn’t HAVE to. Just because she is a weak person doesn’t mean men are bad.

  • Bryan @ at 10:23 am, October 5th, 2010

    Fudge is a tradition. its been going on for many years, and its not going away. If you don’t want to make it, then dont make it. We ask you, but we don’t force you. You do it of your own free will. all of you are taking this too far. its a tradition. nothing more, nothing less. stop blowing this up into something more than it actually is.

  • Anon @ at 10:38 pm, October 5th, 2010

    Im sorry but this article frustrates me a great deal. I don’t have a sexist bone in my body, and this upsets me. I am a part of this team, and i feel as if this is completely wrong.
    1.
    First off, instead of saying that she had to make fudge or whatever, she had to say no if she wasn’t up for it. It wouldn’t have been a big deal, and no one would’ve cared.
    2.
    I see that girls making fudge for us, (yes us, the team), is a way of saying Go Hawks, and a way of supporting us and getting us fired up and having something to look forward too. We LOVE having fudge before our games, and we greatly appreciate that these girls take the time to make it for us
    3.
    Instead of saying women rely on men, its really quite the opposite in this situation. We appreciate that girls make us fudge and we need them to make it for us. Because of the tradition, and minimal cooking skills, guys simply can’t make the fudge.

    Also, i talked to this jane, and she said that making the fudge wasn’t actually that hard, and the spin that she had “slaved” over it pisses me off. Now, im not trying to depreciate her efforts, but instead of trying to look abused, a better strategy might make people less angry.

    Im obviously offended by this article, but it clearly blows this issue way out of proportions, and that instead of insisting on us to return the favor, just drop it.

    btw, the test batch thing is a load of crap.

  • Sophomore @ at 8:35 pm, October 6th, 2010

    For the record, I am perhaps one of the most liberal men you will find. I also attend this said “progressive school” and fully support these blogs and basically the feminist movement all together. I also play football, and have to disagree with this view. This is a tradition, just because women dont belong “in the kitchen” doesnt mean that fudge cant be made as a “good luck” gift to the football team. I am positive that we would do the same to the girls sports teams if they asked us to

  • Jennifer Drew @ at 2:57 pm, October 10th, 2010

    Whilst you’re making the fudge, maybe you’d like to consider whether the members of the football team are not expected to conform to a gender role too? Have you asked them if they’re happy about the assumption that, just because they’re male, they ought to be doing manly things like play football? Why not ask them if they’d like to make some fudge or simply decline & say “I’d prefer not to make fudge as it conflicts with my feminist thinking re gender roles”?

    Either that or simply accept that traditions exist & they are not necessarily in place in order to undermine women or perpetuate gender stereotypes. You’ve simply decided that this particular tradition makes assumptions about women…that they are “fudge makers”…well, maybe men aren’t always happy to be considered goal scorers, line backers, quarter backs or any of the other roles they have been designated.

    Gender assumptions don’t just affect women. Turn your fudge argument round…the assumption that men cannot, don’t want to, are unwilling to or are simply “not cut out” to make fudge is as sexist as the assumption that women are “natural fudge makers”.

    Don’t make the same assumptions about men that you claim men make about women…oh wait, I forgot, you’re a feminist…that’s basically what you do, assume the worst of men until proved otherwise.

  • Jennifer Drew @ at 3:17 pm, October 10th, 2010

    The problem with feminist theory & why it has largely been a force for bad rather than good is that it assumes that traditional gender roles are inherently pro male & anti women. This is an argument based on the idea that traditional gender roles are in place to suit the needs of men, which is only true in part.

    The fact of the matter is that traditional gender roles WORK. You are free to take issue with them, but the fact remains that women & men adopt the roles best suited to them as a result of thousands of years of conditioning.

    Feminist thinking is the assumption that men alone are responsible for this conditioning. That women are simply “victims” of male dominance. This assumption is as untrue today as it has ever been. Modern feminism is about clinging onto victimhood in order to “prove” feminism. If women want to take charge of their lives, ending feminism would be the first logical step because it’s poisonous theory has you gagged & bound just as surely as the male oppressor you spend your lives railing against. Who is woman’s worst enemy? Woman.

  • Jennifer Drew @ at 12:36 pm, October 11th, 2010

    Men will stop assuming that “women make the fudge” when women stop assuming that “men fix the car/take out the trash/mend the fuse/mow the lawn/molest the child/rape the woman,etc.”.

  • Jennifer @ at 4:50 pm, October 12th, 2010

    It is the girls choice to make the fudge. Hannah, you said the girls are allowed to say no and that means that they are able to make their own choices and I think that you need to respect that if a girl wishes to make a treat for a team then she should be able to without people saying she is giving women a bad name because she is not. I think that you school might have some more important gender inequalities at your school, like a crappy girl’s bathroom and nicer boy’s bathrooms. That is inequality, but a girl being asked by her boyfriend to make him and his team is nice and NOT a demand. The girl could say no so it is not really any of your business if she wants to make food for her boyfriend and team mates.

  • Bryan @ at 12:58 pm, October 13th, 2010

    If you think we (the football team) are so sexist, then why did you still come to our game? Why were you standing in the front row, starting cheers?

  • Bryan @ at 1:03 pm, October 13th, 2010

    And get your facts straight. That test batch thing, thats not real. at all. And when you said that we judge girls based on their fudge, thats also a lie. We judge the fudge on how good it tastes, not the girl who made it.

  • Sammy @ at 6:12 pm, October 14th, 2010

    So true! I didn’t find out about this until junior year but it’s bothered me ever since. It’s not about the fact that a girl makes fudge for the team, it’s about the fact that no other teams get the same treatment. And maybe they just haven’t because no one has asked, but either way there’s no reason this new tradition shouldn’t be started.

  • Chris @ at 5:17 pm, October 28th, 2010

    One could take nearly any desultory everyday object and connect it to it being sexist, prejudice and whatnot. There is little to no point about being so analytical about a certain food, such as fudge. Reading this article reminded me of seeing National Treasure, where they connect one miscellaneous point after another, then reaching some magnificent conclusion which in retrospect, while looking at the steps to reach that conclusion, made the film just seem ridiculous. Now, even though that was just a movie, and it wasn’t on a serious topic such as feminism, I’m feeling the same mystified, unimpressed aura reading this post as I was feeling watching that movie. I don’t see how a girl making fudge for her boyfriends team is such a problem. If she feels negatively pressured, she should tell her boyfriend what exactly she is feeling, and why she doesn’t feel comfortable making something for her partner. Secondly, if she does feel uncomfortable, and she is a feminist, she should confront her boyfriend and stand up to him, and just say no (as opposed to blogging about it). Lastly, I highly doubt that it is just a one way street in that relationship. In other words, I doubt her boyfriend has NEVER done her a favor, NEVER spent his free time devoted to doing something nice for her, the poor fudge-maker. In the off chance that it does happen to be a one way relationship like that, the girlfriend SHOULD have the balls (no pun intended) to break up with that guy, or else it is blatantly her fault. I guess my overall point is, ridiculous conclusions can be drawn from pretty much anything. I do agree that there IS sexism going on in the world right now, and that it IS wrong, and I also support many of the arguements made on this website so far, however this blog just seemed like it was written to be controversial.

  • Chris @ at 8:51 pm, October 29th, 2010

    hahahahahahahahha Theres no EQUALITY in a damn BLOG if you delete an actual post involving true constructive criticism of a post. It’s quite hypocritical for a website like this to delete a blog post just because it magnified the gaping holes of this “argument”. How bout responding back instead of deleting my post? Cowards.

  • Bob @ at 2:15 pm, November 4th, 2010

    This article is very misleading as a result of poor research and snap judgment. As an alumnus of this school and its football team I am just shocked by some of the claims that this article makes.
    In no way is the girl required to make the fudge if asked by a football player. If you don’t like to cook, then you can say no. It has happened before and everybody moved on. Its a long standing tradition and is in no way sexist at all.
    In fact, while on the team, a player in fact helped the girl he asked to make the fudge with her. Now if that is sexist then you have an argument.
    In terms of the quality of the fudge, it has no overall effect on the girl or the guy who asked her to make the fudge. There have been bad batches of fudge and, just as a joke, it fades and it doesn’t even connect back to the player who asked him.
    The tradition has been in place for decades and all of a sudden it became a problem because someone took on the task of making fudge when maybe they shouldn’t have accepted. Nonetheless the players in no way force the girls to make the fudge and are willing to help the girl if needed.
    Also, fudge for 40 football players isn’t much more than a batch of cookies. Two trays of fudge is more than enough to feed the football team and the amount of work of making the fudge is overblown in this article.
    I suggest that before writing an article like this, the author should do some better research and not purely write off of emotions.

  • Mike Hook @ at 4:13 pm, November 7th, 2010

    Listen Hannah,
    You are a very juvenile and uneducated girl if this is sexist to you. The act of making fudge is nothing more or less than a tradition. A tradition you are putting in jeopardy. Under no circumstances is this request sexist. Since it is a request, the girl has the right to say no if she decides she does not want to make fudge. Sexism, yes, is based upon some of the things you wrote above. However, what the football team does is not sexist. Moreover, you go to Hawken! That is a school drenched in tradition. So instead of writing rants about sexism and what you think is right or wrong, go to the fucking library, read a book or two on the History of Hawken and Sexism. Also, you may want to check out some legal documents which will educate you on how requests work. Ya know, how they can be denied. Figure it out.

    Oh and by the way, just in case you think I’m being sexist now…I grew up with a single mom and so I have nothing but respect for girls. She liked the traditions though and I know a lot of other people who did too. Student and parent alike.

  • NowJunior @ at 6:57 pm, October 20th, 2011

    Nothing pisses me off like this article. And check out my car. My “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people too” my “Coexist” my “Obama 12″…my “Hawken Football” sticker. I would gladly accept an apology..

  • Julie Z @ at 10:53 pm, October 20th, 2011

    @NowJunior
    Buying a pro-feminist bumper sticker does not a feminist make. Those purported “beliefs” mean nothing if you are not willing to act on them. So if this tradition is not a throwback to 1950′s-era female domesticity, and in fact is just a show of support (as I’m assuming you’re claiming since you are so offended at the thought of subjugating women as to demand an apology) then why DON’T you match it with your own show of support by baking for a girls’ team (as Hannah suggests in this article)? otherwise I’m curious as to what your defense is for keeping this clearly one-sided tradition alive.

  • NowJunior @ at 8:37 pm, October 22nd, 2011

    I’m free if someone wants to ask me. I just asked two of my best friends to make fudge next week and explained to them this situation and they think its ridiculous. It’s so much more insulting to hear the typical attack on football players and how we are the most sexist things ever. I’m really sick of this, men aren’t animals. Get over it.

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