Feminism | Posted by Alli B on 06/13/2011

I’m Bi and Super Fly!

bisexual pride

bisexual pride

What does being bisexual actually mean?

Thats the question I’ve asked myself for years, and last month I finally got an answer: I am bisexual and that’s okay!  I finally realized that I am sexually and emotionally attracted to both sexes and have been ever since the age of 13, if not younger. The thing is, I was taught by the media and by my religion that those feelings were wrong, that you were either gay, straight or lying.

I grew up confused. How could I like girls as much as I like boys?  Though I was never homophobic, I was taught that bisexuals were different; they were slutty girls who just wanted attention to make their conservative parents angry. Good girls aren’t bisexual because it’s a choice that you make, unlike being straight or gay. Then I became a born again Christian in a strict, fundamental Church that taught that all homosexuality was a huge sin against God, and even if you supported it a little you were going to hell. I did not want to displease God, so I pushed those dirty thoughts I had for girls away and concentrated on boys.

Finally, I broke from my church when I went to college and took a religion class, and started to believe that it was okay to be gay. But I still did not think it was okay to be bisexual because I felt at the time that they were slutty and just wanted attention. I lost my virginity to a boy when I was 18 and convinced myself that even though I had feelings for girls, I had to be straight since he turned me on, too.

Later I started to notice that I really was attracted to girls, too. I told myself, “Well, you’re probably just bicurious because bisexuality is not a real thing.” But I had inclings that I was truly bisexual. For example I seemed to have a lot of celebrity girl crushes (as many as my celebrity guy crushes), but I ignored them becuase I thought this was normal straight girl stuff. Then I realized no other girls I knew felt this way. I told myself that I just liked those female celebrities because I admired them, but really, I thought they were ridiculously sexy and wanted to be with them as much as I wanted to be with my male crushes.

Then I saw a documentary about being bisexual on MTV. The people in the documentary weren’t anything like the bisexual stereotype at all. That’s when I changed my mind about being bisexual. I didn’t come out right then, but watching that documentary put me on the right path to coming to terms with who I am and with coming out.

So about a month ago, with this new found knowledge that being bisexual is different from what I originally thought, I allowed myself to believe I may in fact be bisexual. I went online to educate myself further and realized that since I am emotionally and physically attracted to both sexes equally, that I am bisexual (as opposed to bicurious).

Later that night, I was all alone in my room when I came out to myself. “I’m bisexual!” I told myself. I quickly realized its truth and all of the emotions I had thrown away came flooding in and I cried like a baby, partly because I was happy, and partly because I was scared and afraid of what would happen to me and my family.

The very first person I came out to was my best gay guy friend. I told him via email, and he just laughed and said, “It’s 2011, get with the program, who isn’t bisexual at least a bit? There’s nothing wrong with you, that’s just you!”At first I was shocked at his response, but then I started to laugh, because it’s true – sexuality doesn’t necessarily mean just being straight or just being gay for a lot of people.

The next person I came out to was my counselor. I started to cry because it felt so amazing to say it out loud to somebody. He comforted me and let me know that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel and that it is completly normal. He let me know that this is not a phase for me – I am truly bisexual and should be proud.

I am a person who feels that gender is not important, just like I feel that race and religion are not important. We later talked about the struggles with people who are bisexual and how there are no good role models in the media. All you see are girls making out with guys to get attention, or secret gays who come out as bi first to see what would happen. We talked about how being bi is sort of like being biracial; part of you is straight and part of you is gay, but you don’t feel like you have support from either side.

I’m not fully out yet. I’ve told my sister and a few other friends, but I’m still waiting to tell the majority of my family. Until then I am happy to dispell the stereotypes of being bisexual. I’m even trying to start a LGBT group at my college in Texas because we don’t have anything like that here. I am cool with who I am: a Christian, bisexual nerd who loves Doctor Who and horror movies, and sees myself as an equal opportunist for love, which I can’t wait to find, whether it’s with a woman or a man!

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  • Marta @ at 5:57 pm, June 13th, 2011

    Congratulations for your coming out from another “Christian, bisexual nerd who loves Doctor Who” (but not horror movies). I guess I am a bit older than you (I am in my thirties), and your post made me smile with joy at the beginning of your new life as an “out” bi.

    And best of luck for your search for love!

  • ejc @ at 8:13 pm, June 13th, 2011

    I love this post. I am also Christian and Bi-sexual. You understand me perfectly. Yeah!!!

  • Rainicorn @ at 9:04 pm, June 13th, 2011

    Good for you, Alli! I’m gay, not bi, but other than that it’s weird how closely my journey resembles yours – MTV documentaries, self-education online, and a moment of coming out to myself alone in my room all feature! (And I’m also Christian and nerdy…) I wish you all the best as a happy bi girl!

  • alli @ at 9:10 pm, June 13th, 2011

    @rainicorn thanks, i am very glad you could relate! i think when you’ve been told to live a certain way and feel a certain way it can hurt you. but educating yourself is key to knowing yourself, as you are one to know! glad that a fellow christian nerd can relate to being part of the LGBT community!

  • Kylie @ at 11:16 pm, June 13th, 2011

    Right on! I am super proud of you! :) It’s hard to come to terms with this stuff. I feel like so many people are afraid to be okay with their sexuality (even heterosexuals). I feel open to relationships with either sex, although I’ve never been with another woman, it’s an experience I feel I would enjoy should it present itself. Stay strong and beautiful!

  • Anonymiss @ at 2:16 am, June 15th, 2011

    I had a hard time coming out as being bi too. Most people that I told said I just wanted attention. But no! People are bi without being as you said, slutty! Oh, & I love Doctor Who as well. Lol good luck to you!

  • Leyla @ at 5:47 am, June 16th, 2011

    Congrats, I’m so happy that you could FINALLY come to terms with the object, that is you. I’m 14, and live in the TRNC, people here, are Muslim, homophobic, sexist and racist (It’s all the same thing, really) so I had a hard time, coming to terms with my sexuality too. I haven’t told anybody, other than my best friend (that happens to be a guy)that I’m Bi. His response was “Yeah, so? I’m happy for you and all, but it really doesn’t make difference, your still one of the only girls I love. But I wish you didn’t tell me, just as I passed level 177, now I’ve been decapitated by a goblin.”
    I’m happy that I finally found out, it took some digging, but now I feel complete. Now I’m just waiting to get to college, and tell my Mum. She just might take me seriously.

  • Leyla @ at 5:49 am, June 16th, 2011

    Ohh yeah, I also love doctor who, and one of the charectors that I found to be amazing! inspiring, and “omni-sexual” is Captain Jack Harkness. Damn I love him. :)

  • ? @ at 9:55 pm, June 19th, 2011

    I just want to point out that Leyla’s statement that being Muslim is the same as being homophobic, sexist, and racist, and using “Muslim” as an insult itself is horribly inappropriate. I am confused because I wasn’t expecting to find such language on a feminist website.

    Being Muslim does not mean you are sexist, racist, and/or homophobic. There are always many people that have these qualities in many religions and many that do not have them.

  • alli @ at 2:17 pm, June 26th, 2011

    @? i agree with you, i know lots of religious people who hate people who are different, not just muslims, but i also know lots of people who are religious that have no problems at all and are very loving towards LGBT.

  • Musu @ at 11:07 am, November 7th, 2011

    “I am a person who feels that gender is not important, just like I feel that race and religion are not important.”

    This. I love how you put it, because it is not that “we” don”t notice gender, it is just not that important.

    Overall great text by the way.

  • Harley @ at 12:17 pm, August 15th, 2013

    @? They way I read her message was that she was stating people from her country are those things and then grouping the sexist and homophobic and racist as the same thing. I didn’t see her as saying all Muslims are those things.

  • Gender Focus | The Round-Up: June 14, 2011 @ at 4:23 pm, July 19th, 2014

    […] Alli B at The F Bomb discusses how she came to know and be proud of her bi identity. […]

  • runaway_sparrow @ at 3:07 pm, July 19th, 2015

    Wow! I’m really shocked by that. Your story is beautiful. Get proud of your sexuality. It’s the most pleasant and natural thing of the world. But I have a question: what’s the documentary that you saw? I’m looking for “MTV bisexual documentary” and I only see an episode of a doc-serial called “True Life”. Is that?

    Thanks and best wishes

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