Feminism | Posted by Charlotte on 07/26/2011
Dreamboy
Sometimes Dreamboys aren't so dreamy...
In my eyes, he was perfect in every way. Dreamboy was smart, interesting, had beautiful brown eyes, a charming smile. He was genuinely more interested in girls’ personality than their breasts or butts. I thought Dreamboy was a perfect gentleman, and I loved him more than I’d loved anyone.
Dreamboy had, in his words, “exponentially more” experience than I did. He was a ladykiller, but was friends with many of the girls he’d had relations with. I respected that; he didn’t just “bump and dump” but rather actually took the time to get to know the girls and to keep knowing them after they’d hooked up. Dreamboy was different than any of the other guys I’d known in high school.
Then I told him that I’d hooked up (just kissing!) with a boy I’d known for four days the summer before. Suddenly, then, I was a slut. What?! Dreamboy was the only guy I’d known sexually, and he’d slept with many girls. I asked him what made him not “slutty” and he said that sleeping around wasn’t ladylike. And kissing a guy you’d known for four days wasn’t either. Dreamboy said that he knew it was a double standard, but that didn’t matter because guys are different from girls. Dreamboy said that if I’d had the sexual experience he had, he wouldn’t have dated me.
I was crushed.
How could Dreamboy be saying these things?! He was supposed to be the exception to the rule, the guy who didn’t believe that having sex made a girl slutty, the guy who was more sexually enlightened than the majority of high school guys! What was happening?
Dreamboy’s statement that he wouldn’t have dated me if I’d slept with as many guys as he had girls was the worst part. Does sleeping around somehow make a girl dirty or worthless? Or less valuable than a girl who is a virgin? The value of a person should have nothing to do with the state of their virginity.
So I dumped Dreamboy. Er, the boy-who-I-thought-was-Dreamboy.
Next time, I won’t be fooled by a sparkling smile or smooth talk. Next time, I’ll know better.
(5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Read other posts about: boyfriends, dating, double standards, Feminism, feminist relationships, high school, purity, relationships, sex, sexual experience, slut shaming, teenage feminism, teenagers, virgin-whore dichotomy, virginity
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Emma @ at 12:34 pm, July 26th, 2011
Wow! Sounds like a major douchebag. Good for you for dumping his stupid ass. Sadly, this illustrates the attitudes of a lot of people, guys and girls.
Katherine C. @ at 12:43 pm, July 26th, 2011
ugh that sucks. I myself have, unfortunately, become quite suspicious of self-proclaimed teengage male feminists, for this reason.
Miriam @ at 8:05 pm, July 26th, 2011
Wow, props for ditching this guy. I can only imagine how crappy it must’ve felt to find that out about him, but it’s great that you stuck up for yourself and what you believe in.
Amy CT @ at 3:18 am, July 27th, 2011
Here, here!
O'Phylia @ at 10:06 am, July 27th, 2011
Screw Dreamboy. And not in the fun way.
logoskaieros @ at 11:26 am, July 27th, 2011
It’s funny, I wanna give him props for recognizing the double standard, but then I want to take them away and spit in his face for enforcing it anyway.
Consider this a bullet dodged. Good for you.
Mollie @ at 5:31 am, July 29th, 2011
Dreamboy never deserved that nickname. Ugh.
Shannon @ at 10:02 am, August 1st, 2011
My god no. He’s worse for recognizing the double standard and still doing that. Gah.
Matt SS @ at 6:51 pm, August 5th, 2011
Dude never said he was a feminist. And why did you just assume he felt a certain way about something when he hadn’t told you that? Labeling much?
Tess (Tesneem A) @ at 3:40 pm, August 16th, 2011
More like rubbish boy, he’s just crap, to be honest, he could have a sparkling smile, be sexually enlighted and behave in a “gentleman-y” manner; but his acknowledging the double standard AND STILL conforming to it, makes him worse than your average “douchebag”, when someone accepts you for who you are – and everything you’ve done, for that matter – and treats you well, that’s “Dreamboy” and he was far from it.
Segrael @ at 10:28 pm, November 28th, 2011
Hi, i read this, and what i can say, Dreamboy is like the Blue prince in th fairy tales, look cute, awesome, but is only in our mind and in the imagination, because in the reality is different.
(sorry for my bad english)
fool by heavenly compulsion @ at 5:54 pm, February 13th, 2012
oh me too! My guy seemed to be PERFECT! he was the first guy with whom I had a real interllectual connection with. And that ain’t easy at 16! But then one time we started to talk about feminism and biological differences between men and women.. and it just broke my heart to hear him speak. He wasn’t awful, but that he wouldn’t admit that any differences are socially conditioned. He was adment that there are natural differences betwwen the two genders.It jus made tme feel so let down, that even he who was supposed to be so smart was somehow totally stupid. Ahhh.. a guy who believes in complete gender equality.. now THAT’S my dreamboy!