Feminism | Posted by Charlotte on 07/26/2011
In my eyes, he was perfect in every way. Dreamboy was smart, interesting, had beautiful brown eyes, a charming smile. He was genuinely more interested in girls’ personality than their breasts or butts. I thought Dreamboy was a perfect gentleman, and I loved him more than I’d loved anyone.
Dreamboy had, in his words, “exponentially more” experience than I did. He was a ladykiller, but was friends with many of the girls he’d had relations with. I respected that; he didn’t just “bump and dump” but rather actually took the time to get to know the girls and to keep knowing them after they’d hooked up. Dreamboy was different than any of the other guys I’d known in high school.
Then I told him that I’d hooked up (just kissing!) with a boy I’d known for four days the summer before. Suddenly, then, I was a slut. What?! Dreamboy was the only guy I’d known sexually, and he’d slept with many girls. I asked him what made him not “slutty” and he said that sleeping around wasn’t ladylike. And kissing a guy you’d known for four days wasn’t either. Dreamboy said that he knew it was a double standard, but that didn’t matter because guys are different from girls. Dreamboy said that if I’d had the sexual experience he had, he wouldn’t have dated me.
I was crushed.
How could Dreamboy be saying these things?! He was supposed to be the exception to the rule, the guy who didn’t believe that having sex made a girl slutty, the guy who was more sexually enlightened than the majority of high school guys! What was happening?
Dreamboy’s statement that he wouldn’t have dated me if I’d slept with as many guys as he had girls was the worst part. Does sleeping around somehow make a girl dirty or worthless? Or less valuable than a girl who is a virgin? The value of a person should have nothing to do with the state of their virginity.
So I dumped Dreamboy. Er, the boy-who-I-thought-was-Dreamboy.
Next time, I won’t be fooled by a sparkling smile or smooth talk. Next time, I’ll know better.
Read other posts about: boyfriends, dating, double standards, Feminism, feminist relationships, high school, purity, relationships, sex, sexual experience, slut shaming, teenage feminism, teenagers, virgin-whore dichotomy, virginity
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