Feminism | Posted by Alli B on 08/12/2011
Male Bisexuals: As Common As Unicorns?
I know a lot of people – gay and straight – who believe that bisexuality, specifically bisexual men, exist about as much as they believe that unicorns exist. It seems that there are people who believe that only women can be bisexual and that women are more fluid than men when it comes to sexuality. They believe men can’t be bisexual, but are either gay or straight. Hell, a few years ago I didn’t even believe bisexuality was real and now I identify as bi.
I have big problem with this, and I mean a BIG problem. You might ask, “Why? You’re a woman, why should you care about bisexual men?” I care because I think the gender stereotypes and gender roles that trap men are wrong.
Men are expected to show that they are real men by getting as much ass as possible. They are expected to be promiscuous, sleeping around with as many women as possible. If a man even thinks about not adhering to this stereotype/gender role, then he’s considered gay by others around him, which in our society is still not considered a good thing.
I know tons of men who are secretly bi and are only out to their partners. I know some who are bisexual but don’t want to come out because they’re afraid that no woman would ever want them and worry women will only see them as interested in men. They’re also afraid of gay men not believing them and telling them that they’re gay but are afraid to come out.
Women and gay men who do this don’t realize that their harsh judgments are what keep men (and women, too) from fully realizing their bisexual identity. If we had an open society, where everybody no matter what was welcomed and not ostracized for being “half gay” as one person told me, if we stop telling people how to be or who to fall in love with, and just let them be themselves, I’m sure that we could stop bigotry in its tracks.
I sometimes get very disappointed in the LGBT community. I feel that we often judge each other and accuse each other of “not doing it right.” We are all human beings. We are all unique in our own little way. We need to stop throwing stones at each other, and passing horrible judgments. We need to stop excluding people that aren’t “gay enough” or who are really afraid to come out as gay and don’t want to admit it. This includes people who are trans as well, who I know often feel as left out as bisexual people do.
I’ve said it once and I will say it once more: united we stand, divided we fall! So let’s all please stop this horrible gender role stereotyping that bisexual men are really just gay but afraid to admit it. We need to instead view people who are bi as the missing link in sexuality. We prove that being gay is just as normal and natural to everybody as being straight is: that one isn’t better or more important than the other. At least that’s the way I see it.
So if a guy you like comes out as bi, don’t shun him or say, “Gross, no thanks.” Just go for it. You may be surprised!
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