Feminism | Posted by Mansi K on 02/13/2013

I’m Not Sorry I’m A Girl. I’m Sorry You Care.

How are you supposed to feel the first time you realize your grandparents wish you had been born a boy? I’m still not sure. I do know, however, that if my paternal grandparents had the option to transfer my identity into a body with a penis, they would gladly capitalize on the opportunity. I, the oldest child, should have been born a boy. When I came out penis-less, this hope was transferred to my younger sibling. Well, exactly 4.5 years later, my mother disappointed again. And that was it; my parents didn’t want more children.

I have never doubted the fact that my grandparents love me. But every time I remember that I am worth even a little bit less because I have breasts or because I will not carry my family’s last name, I’m overcome with a strange mixture of anger and sadness.

I know my mom shares my emotions. After all, she’s the one that has constantly reminded me that being a woman makes me strong and compassionate, but never less, never inferior, never unwanted. Despite anybody else’s opinion, she is ever grateful that she has two daughters.

She raised the topic with my father’s sister once, delicately conveying her annoyance at her in-laws for their misogynistic viewpoint. My aunt laughed, fiercely defending her parents.

“You’re lucky,” she told my mom. “At least your in-laws accept the fact that you had two daughters. Mine are still upset that my oldest child is a girl, even though I did give them a son.”

I cringed at the comment and held back tears. Sometimes I’m full of anger towards my family members when they voice such opinions. And then I redirect the anger to the society that raised them, towards the society that still propagates this patriarchal structure. But mostly, I’m just filled with sadness. Most days, my heart breaks to hear my grandma talk about how women belong to their husbands’ families. My heart breaks to hear my aunt describe a woman’s obligations. I want to wrap my arms around them and tell them that they’re wrong, that they’re worth more. I wish everybody could receive the lessons my mom has given me in the kitchen. While my aunt teaches her daughter to cook, mine teaches me to be strong. I’m still learning how to effectively feed myself, but dammit, I know what I’m worth, and I wish all the beautiful women in my family knew it too.

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  • Cassandra @ at 11:04 am, February 13th, 2013

    Why won’t you carry your family’s last name?

  • Talia bat Pessi @ at 8:59 pm, February 14th, 2013

    Keep it up. Always know your worth. If you continue to champion the pro-girl cause, you will be the role model and inspiration for other girls and women.

  • Bella @ at 3:53 am, February 15th, 2013

    I kept the name my father gave me and passed it on to my only child, a son. Anything is possible and you have the means/choice/power to make it so. My mom is of the mindset of your aunts… Your mother made a difference in your life and you can continue on your own path and be/become whatever you choose. I commend you for speaking up and attempting to enlighten past generations, however their honor is rooted in a garden of a different type. Grow your beautiful branches. The women of the future need you.

  • Atiya Irvin @ at 11:28 pm, February 15th, 2013

    Screw them. Seriously, they’re the ones with the problem. And hey, who says you can’t carry on your family name if that’s what you? You don’t belong to anyone, but you.

  • Maka @ at 9:07 pm, February 18th, 2013

    It is entirely up to you whether you decide to carry their name (well, your father’s name, technically). But it would be nice if they accepted you enough that you might want to do so.

  • Astor Adams @ at 9:32 pm, February 18th, 2013

    My father wanted a boy, but his little girl had him wrapped around her finger. He taught me everything he would have taught a son. Now I make more money then him to purchase all those great shoes and bags and travel the world. Thanks dad! Sorry your name will die, but truly it isn’t that great anyway since you wanted a boy. Girls rule, no really we do!

  • Aaron Dolen @ at 9:54 pm, February 18th, 2013

    Hello

    Just happened to catch this I am a 29 year old Male living in a rural MN town so I am alittle sheltered and I was just wondering does this happen alot (disappointment towards the gender of a child) or a freak occurance type of deal. Thank you very much and whatever you do I am sure you do it well even though you do not have male organs.

  • Jules Rivera @ at 12:34 am, February 19th, 2013

    If this is what your grandparents really think of you, let their surname disappear into oblivion.

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