Merle Hoffman

Merle Hoffman is the publisher/editor-in-chief of On The Issues Magazine and one of the most outspoken advocates for progressive and feminist issues.

Merle established Choices Women’s Medical Center to provide abortion services shortly after New York State legalized abortion in 1971. Today, Choices has grown to become one of the most comprehensive and nationally well respected providers of a full range of gynecological services for women, including abortion to 24 weeks of pregnancy, birth control and pre-natal care.

In 1983 Merle began On the Issues Magazine as a newsletter of Choices Women’s Medical Center to communicate with other health care providers, pro-choice activists and the reproductive health care community generally. Within a few years it had developed into On the Issues, the Progressive Woman’s Quarterly, gaining accolades as a motivating, challenging and controversial magazine of ideas and action. After ceasing publication in 1999, On the Issues Magazine was reborn as an online publication in Spring 2008 and publishes all-new, themed editions quarterly with new articles added weekly.

Biography from MerleHoffman.com (via Viva la Feminista)

How and when did you develop your passion for fighting for reproductive rights and women’s health in general?

The process was very organic and came to me from the “ground up”. There was no such thing as “women’s health” when I started at 25 years old in 1971. New York had de-criminalized abortion three years before Roe. V. Wade-and the first patient that came to Choices was a married woman from New Jersey. She came to New York because abortion was still illegal in that state. I stayed with her –counseled her, held her hand throughout her abortion–and that profound intimate powerful connection was what catalyzed me thru these last 40 years.

My commitment, passion an radicalism was born of the deepest experience.

It seems that many young women today don’t always have a lot of perspective about our reproductive rights. How do you think things have changed in terms of the reproductive rights battle since you started CHOICES Women’s Medical Center in 1971? Where have we advanced and where do we still lag behind?

We have advanced to the point where many young women view reproductive rights as an entitlement. There is an a-historical view that abortion rights are there-have always been as far as they can remember-and will remain so. Because of this it is necessary for the veterans of the struggles to educate, and insure that young women-all women understand that freedom is not free–that if we don’t defend reproductive rights will lose them. We have to be aware awake and active in countering the relentless assaults from the right.

Considering the controversial nature of abortion and reproductive rights, how have you responded to critics of your work? What major challenges have you faced because of your work and how did you work through them?

There are so many critics. I usually tell them to “take a number–that the line forms to the left!” There have always been and will always be opposition to me my work-and the struggle for reproductive freedom and justice. This is a long term power struggle and one has to not take it all that personally. I understand that I am a lighting rod for much of the misogynistic hatred-but it comes with the territory. And ultimately it is my belief in the justice and rightness of reproductive freedom that keeps me going.

You were on the frontlines of the women’s health movement from its inception. Do you still believe there is still systemic sexism in health training / the health industry? What should teens and young women be aware of in terms of their health care? What do you think are the most important questions teens can ask when visiting their doctors or other healthcare professionals?

At this point in time there is very little if any training in both family planning and abortion care in most of the medical schools in this country. In fact the group Medical Students for Choice is involved in attempting to integrate this training in medical school curriculums. The right wing anti-choice-anti-birth control movement has been quite effective in insuring that if abortion is not illegal–they will make it impossible for a majority of American women.

Years ago I developed the concept of PATIENT POWER–when I realized that the power differential between patients(women and girls) and doctors (mainly men) resulted in many women experiencing unwanted pregnancies-because of doctors mis-information, or lack of it.

Patient power postulated things like the right to question your doctor, the right to be informed of alternative treatments, the right to second opinions, etc. It actually was the precursor of what is now known as the Patient’s Bill of Rights.

Now we have resources which were not available 40 years ago–publications like Our  Bodies Our Selves which we have to take advantage of- We are responsible for our own health and have to insure that we are educated and knowledgeable–we should work to become partners with our physicians not remain passive dependant children.

You recently wrote a memoir – Intimate Wars. Can you speak a little about what motivated you to write it and what you think young feminists specifically might take away from it?

I was coming up on the 40th anniversary of Choices-which was quite a milestone. I needed to look back on the whirlwind of my life, to reflect and create a narrative not only for myself but for my daughter. She had not shared the majority of it–I would not share a majority of hers so I wanted to leave that testament for her. The lessons to be learned are many–how to gain and practice courage, how to keep going when all the world tells you its impossible, how to deal with being alone and being a pariah, what the real cost of political struggle and being a radical is, how nothing and no one can protect you, that you have to become your own support system.

And finally, as I have been and am on the forefront this struggle,  I hope this book is an inspiration to young women. I hope it encourages them to have the courage to follow their hearts because revolution at its core is driven by love.

Jessica Valenti

A few months ago, I had the privilege of interviewing Jessica Valenti – founder of Feministing, author of Full Frontal Feminism and awesome person all around.

For those not in the know, Jessica is the author of three books: Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters, He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut…and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know, and The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women which is being made into a documentary by the Media Education Foundation. Jessica is also the founder of Feministing.com, which Columbia Journalism Review calls “head and shoulders above almost any writing on women’s issues in mainstream media.”

Her writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Nation, The Guardian (UK), The American Prospect, Ms. magazine, Salon and Bitch magazine. She has won a Choice USA Generation award, was featured as one of ELLE magazine’s “IntELLEgentsia”, and was named one of the Left’s Top 25 Journalists by The Daily Beast. She has appeared on The Colbert Report and the Today show, among others, and was recently profiled in The New York Times Magazine under the headline “Fourth Wave Feminism.”

She received her Masters degree in Women’s and Gender Studies from Rutgers University, where she was a part-time lecturer. Jessica lives in Boston with her husband, daughter, and their very cute cat and dog.

And without further ado, here’s a Q&A with Jessica Valenti!

What was your feminist click moment? How did you realize you were a feminist?

I think I didn’t really have one specific click moment, it was more of a journey to feminism. I was always a feminist but I didn’t want to use the word because I didn’t want to be associated with the word feminism and also I was afraid that I didn’t know what it meant and that somebody would call me on it and ask me what I thought of something and interrogate me about it, so I was nervous about it. I was always political and interested in women’s rights and always felt like there was something really unfair and unjust going on I just didn’t have the language to put to the feelings that I was having. So I went to a pro-choice march when I was in junior high school with my mom, but I still didn’t identify as a feminist. I think it probably wasn’t until college when I took my first women’s and gender studies class that I was first like, “Oh, okay, I am a feminist.” I think it’s sad that a lot of people come to feminism like that in college and it’s kind of unfortunate because I wish that I would’ve identified as a feminist in high school because I think that it would’ve helped me navigate a whole world of difficulties in a much more effective way.

How do you define feminism?

I totally use the dictionary definition all the time, which is just social, political and economic equality for women. One because it’s the easiest but also because obviously there are a lot of different theoretical schools of feminist thought, but I don’t find it’s useful to talk to people that way or introduce feminism that way, and I think the dictionary definition is also really difficult to argue with. Like, really, you don’t want that? That sounds very simple. So that’s what I like about it, that it’s accessible.

Do you think we need a different word, like humanism? How do you feel about the word “feminism.”

I don’t think we need a different word. I think that we need a different mindset about the existing word. I think any word that we came up with to mean feminism would be considered a bad word just because it has to do with women’s rights. So I think that it’s probably better if we stick with the word but try to debunk all of the ridiculous myths and anti-feminist stereotypes that surround it. And I think that is happening to a certain degree, but what scares me now is that we have the anti-feminist myths and then we also have conservative folks like Sarah Palin calling themselves feminists now, so the word is becoming super watered down in a way that freaks me out and makes me worried that maybe we will need another one because nobody will know what it really means – it’ll just become synonymous with “woman” and that’s not really what it’s about.

Do you worry that word “feminism” alienates men? How do you think we can welcome men to this movement.
They have a lot of words to themselves. I think that’s why you’ve seen so many women’s studies departments become women’s and gender studies departments or gender and sexuality studies departments. I think that if there was a mass movement for a word for gender justice I think that I could get behind it. But I also do think that feminism is certainly for men but a lot of the thoughts about men and masculinity originated with feminism, and we should give feminism credit for that. And what better way to give them credit for it than keeping the name?

I think that the movement has become a lot better in terms of men – there were always male feminists out there, but especially since the advent of the internet we’re hearing a lot more from them and they’re becoming stronger voices. I think we need to make sure that we address men’s issues when we’re talking about feminism and female feminists, too. But I also think it’s really important that female feminists prompt male feminists’ voices up into leadership positions so that we don’t see them as ansillary or that we don’t see them as on the side. For a long time we’ve been really afraid of putting men in leadership positions in the feminist movement because we’ve been afraid that it’ll become all about men or women’s voices will be drowned out which is an understandable fear but I also think that young men are much more likely to listen to other men so I think it’s really important that their voices are made more audible.

How do you think that feminism can overcome it’s past of racism and exclusion? How can we avoid pseudo-diversity?

I think it’s really hard and something that mainstream feminism still hasn’t managed to get away from. I think there’s two things going on. I think there’s a feminist movement that’s totally already diverse and intersectional and happening but it’s not the feminist movement that we tend to see, it’s not the feminist movement that tends to be funded, it’s not the feminist movement that tends to get media attention. I think there’s a kind of institutional feminism that’s happening, like big organizations, big powerful names, and those are still majority very straight, white, middle – upper middle class voices and organizations that play to that sort of demographic. I think it’s important that we look at where the power is in feminism and we shift it. Not that we start de-funding big organizations, but that we start actively funding smaller, grass-roots based organizations or organizations that are led by women of color, by queer women, by younger women and that we’re really cogniscent of what voices are put out there.

What are your main issues with the feminist movement? What do you wish you could change about it?

I wish that we were not so stagnant in our thinking about what issues are important. I think that people think about feminism and they think “violence” or “reproductive rights” and they have this list of issues, but I think that list of issues should be constantly moving and changing as the time does and constantly expanding. I think a lot of feminist organizations have been putting out the same press release about the same issue for the past 30 years and I think that it’s just not working and I think we need to think about things in a more intersectional way, but also to come at those ideas from different angles. Come at it from pop-culture. Come at it from a different point of a view. So I think there’s that – there’s not this monolithic platform of what feminism is, but that it’s a constantly moving platform.

I also think that feminists need to stop eating their own. I think that we have this problem like tearing each other down when we should building each other up. And I think that’s a problem that’s not just a feminist problem but a woman problem — it’s a thing that women tend to do and are even taught to do to each other. I think there’s plenty of room for debate and really vigorous debate but there’s a difference between that and personal criticism or just trying to take people down a peg or two or hating on each other. It’s very strange.

Do you think we’ve entered a fourth wave of feminism?

I do think we’re in a fourth wave of feminism. I think the way feminism operates online is so different than the way feminism operated even 15 years ago that you cannot say that it’s the same. And its not even that I’m super crazy about the wave model either, because it does tend to separate people out by generation when that’s not necessarily the case. So, I wrote a blog post once that it’s more like we’re multiple fourth waves — plural. There are lots of different kinds of feminism going on. That’s again, not one monolithic wave – not one platform, institution, or leader – but that’s what’s really cool about online feminism, that there’s so much going on. But of course that’s what makes it difficult to define and difficult to explain to people because it’s not so easily explained. And also the age thing – people say that we’re third wave feminists. But when I think third wave feminism I think of a generation that was doing work in the 90s, like Amy Richards and Jennifer Baumgardner -who are amazing – but we do very different work. So I consider myself a fourth wave(s) feminist much more than a third wave feminism.

Barnard College

I’m proud to announce that for the next school year, I’ll be writing a column for The Frisky about my Freshman year in college. I’ll be writing about everything from frat parties to relationships to financial aid, all from a feminist perspective. The first post in this series was published this week, and is reprinted below. I hope you guys like it and continue to read!

I wouldn’t say that I was a nerd in high school. Although I have adopted the art of procrastination as ardently and with as much love as if it were a tiny puppy alone on the side of the road in a rainstorm, I did in fact manage to get some studying in. But despite grades and test scores that were high enough to award me admittance to one of the best schools in the country, I’d never call myself geeky. “Loner” probably isn’t the right word, either. I wasn’t exactly in the running for prom queen (real talk: I didn’t even go to prom my junior year, gasp) but I had a particularly close group of best friends who were like my sisters. I never felt alone, but rather constantly surrounded by people who loved me. No, the only thing I can definitively say to describe who I was in high school is that I was there.

I felt it on the first day of my freshman year: I didn’t belong there. I know, it’s the oldest story in the privileged white girl’s book. Nobody understands me! I wish I went to an alternative school that exchanged P.E. for reiki treatments and preferred Woolf and Plath to Dickens and Thoreau! Whinewhinewhine! Okay, maybe that’s not what every privileged white girl wants (Uggs paired with skirts in summer and Natty Light come to mind as viable alternatives for many a P.W.G) but it’s certainly what I wanted. Or at least it’s a hyperbolic version of what I wanted. I remember, as I took my first steps into high school thinking, Julie, if you make it through today, I will reward you with a cookie and a ‘My So Called Life’ marathon. Get your head in the game. Ward off everything that makes you uncomfortable with sarcasm and cynicism that your classmates don’t yet and may never understand or appreciate. Only four more years!

And now, here I am, four years later. I graduated high school. I am headed off to Barnard College of Columbia University. When people here at home in ol’ northeastern Ohio ask where I’m going and I answer a little too quickly, they tilt their heads skeptically and ask, “You’re going to a farm in South America?” thinking I’ve said, “A barnyard in Colombia.” I internally roll my eyes, but at least I know the truth: I was simultaneously accepted to the number one women’s college in the country and an Ivy League school, and I’m going to New York City to do some fancy learning.

The truth is, I’m absolutely terrified. I have older friends already in and out of college who tell me that being afraid is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t keep me from waking up in the middle of the night from stress dreams of a bleak future. In one dream, I’m alone in my dorm room on a Saturday night wrapped in my Snuggie with a hand shoved into a box of Munchkins, so far past the freshman 15 that the ability to fit into my jeans is but a distant memory, sobbing, “Forever alone. Why am I forever alone?”

If it’s not a dream, then it’ll be a gripping panic interjected into the most mundane of daily tasks. The other day, I was loading dishes in the dishwasher when it hit me: What if I have to eat alone? People can’t possibly go to the cafeteria in groups at all times in college like they do in high school, can they? While I’ve eaten alone, I’ve only ever eaten really alone, like alone in my own house. I’ve never eaten alone while surrounded by other people who are not eating alone. What the hell do I do then? Am I crazy for worrying about this? Probably. I’m probably insane and nobody will like me. Cue me crying in the corner in the fetal position.

But despite the panic and fear and just plain sadness that has been pretty consistent throughout this whole leaving-everything-I know-behind-forever thing, I’m also pretty damn excited (bet you didn’t see that coming). I’m scared about being alone … but I’m also really happy to finally be independent. I’m excited to possibly meet people with whom I have more things in common than being born in the same location. I want to learn, I want to meet my soulmate (of every variety), I want to have a lot of fun and I want to experience as many things for the first time as I possibly can.

One interesting thing (amongst many!) about Barnard is that they’re extraordinarily (and rightfully) proud of their alumna, Pulitzer Prize-winning author and journalist Anna Quindlen. The school constantly quotes her as saying that at Barnard she “majored in unafraid.” Well, I think I’ll follow in Ms. Quindlen’s footsteps and add “unafraid” to my academic and personal agenda. I don’t want to repeat my experience in high school – of showing up, doing what’s required and dying for it to be over. I want to make the absolute most of college. I want to really be there.

And I want you to come with me. For the next year here on The Frisky I’m going to write a tell-all account of my freshman year (well, at Barnard I am technically known as a “First Year” because we’re not into that patriarchal “-man” suffix s**t, but you know what I mean). And, like I said, I’m officially fearless. Or at least I’m going to try very hard to be.

So, I think the only area of doubt that remains, the final question that begs to be asked is: are you ready to vicariously relive your freshman year?

Chloe Angyal

Chloe Angyal is usually the one asking the questions: in addition to being an editor at Feministing, she also writes their popular “Feministing Five” interview feature (of which, believe it or not, I was once the subject). Today, however, the FBomb is turning the tables on one of the most prominent interviewers in the feminist blogosphere, and asking her a few questions.

For those who don’t know, Chloe is originally from Sydney, Australia and is a graduate of Princeton University, where she founded Equal Writes, the University’s first feminist publication. Her writing has been published in The Christian Science Monitor, Skirt! Magazine, Salon, Slate, The Guardian, Foreign Policy Magazine and of course, Feministing. She’s an up and coming leader of the feminist movement, and somebody us teen feminists can certainly look up to.

What was your feminist click moment? How did you realize that you were a feminist?
When I was 14 or 15 I went away on exchange to France. It was very cold, it was Winter in Brittany and I was staying in this tiny town with only a couple thousand people and we went to school at 7:30 in the morning and got back at 5:30 at night and it was dark. The sun rose while we were in the classroom and went down while we were still in there – depressing. So a couple of things happened.

It was a very traditional family in that my host mother did work but she worked in her husband’s company and she came home early to take care of the kids and then he came home later. She would be cooking and he would make a bee-line straight for the couch and sit in front of the T.V. and then returned immediately after the meal was over and she was cleaning up. And this was really foreign to me, because I grew up in a dual-run household. To be fair, my parents had permanent, live-in help so they could both have careers – but they shared household chores and child-rearing. I hadn’t realized how feminist my household was. And it turns out the reason why my household is so feminist is because my mom was a crazy radical second-wave feminist and my Dad is the man who married her. My Dad used to do my hair for ballet – my Dad still does the best ballet buns of any man I know who is not professionally involved in the ballet, which is saying something. So that happened, which made me think differently about my household and why my household was the way it was.

The other thing that happened was that in France it was very cold and French food is very rich, and I gained a shit ton of weight. I came back and I had just turned fifteen and I was two dresses sizes heavier than I was when I left. So it was the first time I was really, really not adhering to accepted beauty standards. And I hated it, and I hated how angry I felt. I hated how inferior it made me feel and it made me really angry that something so trivial could make me feel so inferior. And then I read the Beauty Myth and realized that it’s not trivial – it’s a really big deal – and I got really angry. And after the Beauty Myth I found my Mom’s old copy of the Feminine Mystique and I read that and I read parts of the Second Sex and I became a mini, radicalized, angry fifteen-year-old feminist. And the people in my life struggled with that. I couldn’t hold a conversation without making it about eating disorder statistics or rape statistics – it was really bad. And my boyfriend at the time was like “Oh my God, Chloe.” It was the first time that I really struggled with the personal and the political. Because I was reading all this stuff about how badly women have it in this world, but I was falling in love with this guy and I was like, “How can I be reading about this stuff and hanging out with you and hooking up with you and having a relationship with you?” I guess the mental complexity you develop as an adult is separating the problems from the individuals and from ideas – your 17 year old boyfriend isn’t the one raping people so you need to chill and not feel bad about hanging out with him. So that happened and that’s how I became a feminist.

What was your experience with feminism in school? Did you find other feminists your age?

I didn’t. I found people who agreed with me but not people who would use the word “feminist” to describe themselves. I was unusual enough that I became known as “Chloe the Feminist” in my high school, or “Chloe, the one who talks about rape statistics a lot.” Eleventh grade was interesting. I found other teachers who were really on board. I had a teacher in 11th grade – a sub English teacher – and we were doing fairy tales and she started talking about “virgin and whore” and all that stuff in fairy tales and how Little Red Riding Hood is actually about rape and the wolf was originally a man – it’s the biggest victim blaming story ever. And it just blew my mind and I think a lot of other people had that reaction, but weren’t immediately like “Okay, I’m a feminist. What am I going to do with that?” And to be fair, what I did with that was put it back in the closet when I went to college. I went to Princeton and I didn’t want to be Chloe the feminist. It took me until my junior year to come out of that closet again and say, “I’m going to do this and I’m going to do this publically” and that’s when I started writing.

Why do you think there are people who have feminist beliefs but won’t call themselves feminists?

Because the word has a lot of baggage. And because the same reason there are a lot of, or I would guess, a lot of Christian evangelicals who check all the boxes required to describe themselves as a Christian evangelical but would be, “I’m not like a radical.” They introduce themselves and their beliefs with an asterisk – like, “I’m not one of those crazy radicals.” My point is that the people who are the most radical in any movement are the ones that are the most salient, that people most remember and identify with most. And that’s a problem because there are some radical edges of feminism that I have problems with and don’t want to be identified with. And if you don’t know a lot about the movement and that’s what you think of when you think about feminism, then that’s what you fear other people will think of when they think about feminists.

I think there are women of color and LGBT folk who traditionally have not been welcomed and don’t call themselves feminists for that reason, although I suspect that a lot of young women aren’t necessarily aware of that history. Some of them may very well have been educated on the history of feminism and they may know that and made the conscious choice not to identify that way, but my suspicion is that 15 – 19 year old girls are distancing themselves for feminists are not because of exclusion of women of color or LGBT. It’s possible.

Why else? Because it’s scary. It’s so much more comforting to tell yourself that you didn’t get a job or you didn’t get elected school president or something you wanted didn’t work out for you, because of sexism. But the thing about blaming the sexism is that if you sit down and think about it for a second then you have to acknowledge that you might never be enough, and this whole vista of inequality opens up to you, a whole new world view of just how fucked up our culture is, opens up to you. And that’s really scary. So as comforting as it can be to blame the sexism, it’s only comforting for a second when you start thinking about it and you think “Well, holy shit, am I ever going to be good enough even when I’m good enough?” And that’s really confronting and I think for a lot of women it’s just easier to make it a personal problem rather than a political one because once you acknowledge that sexism exists and it’s powerful and is affecting your life and the lives of everybody around you – I personally find it very hard to sit with that knowledge and do nothing about it. Because once you have that knowledge, unless you’re a deeply lazy and unethical person, you have to be like, “Well now what?” and the answer is that now you have to be a feminist. You  have to call this out when you see it and make a concerted effort not to buy into it or resist it and that takes energy and time and it would be easier to be like “I wasn’t qualified for that job” and that’s the end. And there are a lot of people who get to a half way point and they say “I’m a feminist but it’s not like I’m activist or militant about it.” They acknowledge sexism exists but aren’t going to do anything about it. And to me, that’s just sad.

I also believe in the backlash thesis. I believe that from the moment women decided that they would like to have some rights, please, from the moment that started there has always been a concerted effort – not necessarily a conspiracy – but an effort in various avenues over the last 100 years or so in the media to simultaneously demonize feminism and show women that it’s work is done. It’s a very difficult juggling act. You have to simultaneously demonize the women who are too radical and assure everybody else that because of some radical women 20 or 30 years ago, don’t worry about it it’s ancient history, equality has been implemented. So anybody who keeps talking about this stuff is complaining or over-reacting or irrelevant. It’s a very difficult juggling act to do and the media manages to do it really well.

How do you feel that the internet has benefited feminism?

Well, I came pretty late to the game – I didn’t start blogging until 2008 and by then the feminist blogosphere was pretty well established so I wasn’t there for the beginning and I wasn’t really there for the shaping, but I do know that if I hadn’t discovered feminist blogs when I got to college I probably would’ve just had what I had before that which would be a couple women’s studies courses under my belt and the books that I knew about and had heard of somehow through the ether – I’d heard about the Beauty Myth, and Stiffed and Backlash and things like that – but the internet for me has opened up vast landscapes of feminist thought that I wouldn’t otherwise have had access to. Not even because I’m socio-economically fine – I’m mobile and educated, it’s not those usual barriers to knowledge– it’s that I wouldn’t know about these things if it weren’t for the internet. Things like “Crunk Feminist Collective” – a white girl from Sydney without the internet could not have come into contact with the Crunk Feminist Collective, you know? So, there’s that, and I’m so grateful for it. I can’t remember my life before the internet and I don’t want to.

We talk a lot about the internet bringing knowledge and bringing conversation and community to people who are isolated either geographically or culturally. What I mean to say that is that I didn’t grow up in an Evangelical town in Texas. I grew up in a feminist household, but I still would not have had access to that community and wealth of information were it not for the internet. And it’s extra important for girls who do grow up geographically isolated.

What’s the downside of online feminism?

I recently went back to Sydney and caught up with people that I haven’t seen in a while. They were asking me about what it’s like to be a blogger, and I realized that it was the first time I told people about rape threats and some of the really heinous stuff that gets said about us and to us (as feminist bloggers). And I realized that I had, not normalized it, but had gotten over the initial shock and revulsion and fear that I told them about. But I told them about it and they were like “Wait, what that’s awful?” And I was like “Eh.” I take those things seriously, and they scare and upset me, but they happen enough and my skin has thickened enough that I see my friends now having on my behalf the reaction that I had initially and I’m like “Well…yeah that’s life.” And they’re sort of horrified. And those obviously aren’t your garden-variety online trolls. Garden-variety trolls will call you ugly or say that you’re wrong or stupid or a hack or whatever and then you have your exotic breed of trolls who tell you that you deserve to be raped or that you should’ve been aborted. Which I love: anti-choicers who tell you that you should’ve been aborted. Solid logic. So, yeah, that’s the worst. And it sucks but I see it on the continuum of violence that is directed to people when they speak out against the status quo, and as far as violence goes it’s disturbing and upsetting but it’s not the worst. We’re reasonably lucky as far as that goes. And I anticipate that it’s going to get worse if my career keeps going well, it’s only going to get worse. But I’ll also get better at dealing with it.

Any advice for teenage feminists?

It’s just going to get harder. Feminism’s work is never done. It get’s overwhelming and you grow up and have kids (if you choose to have kids) and it get’s harder. Maybe it’ll get better, but it won’t get easier. It get’s better in that you get to own it (feminism) and feel comfortable with it and make an identity for yourself that includes feminism. And instead of being “Chloe the Feminist” or “Such and such, the Feminist” you get to become yourself and feminism is a huge part of who you are but it doesn’t set you apart from everybody else you know. Becoming a feminist is just the beginning, and declaring yourself and committing yourself to a worldview is just the beginning.

Glennis McMurray (cred: Anya Garrett)

Glennis McMurray is the founder and editor of the website, G.L.O.C. (TheGLOC.net) the first large-scale blog by and for all the Gorgeous Ladies of Comedy. Glennis is a seasoned musical improvisor having started and starred in the acclaimed I Eat Pandas (Time Out New York Critics Pick, ECNY Award-winner: Best Improv Group). She can now be seen performing with the NY cast of Baby Wants Candy every Saturday night at the SoHo Playhouse. In January 2011, her solo musical Disco Balls: Into the Light debuted at the Charleston Comedy Festival, and she was recently seen as Coach Betts in Half Straddle’s production of In The Pony Palace/Football at the Bushwick Starr. In addition to the two variety shows she produces, Dream Role and Supercream Supreme!, Glennis can be seen on stage all over the city telling stories of her childhood in Durango, CO and her move to NY at 19. On the small screen she appears as Flo in The Electric Company on PBS and you can hear her voice E*trade babies, Southern dish sponges and sassy tampons in some of your favorite TV commercials.

And without further ado, here’s Glennis!

What inspired you to start G.L.O.C.
I started G.L.O.C. as a side project in order to find out more about the women in comedy around me. I started with ladies who I thought had a really strong point of view/comedic voice so I could better understand where it came from. I’ve always been really interested in that sort of thing; where you grew up, how you were raised, where/if you went to college, it says a lot about how you developed as a person and performer. So that was basically how it started. But then, based on the tremendous response I received after just a few posts, I realized I had something much bigger on my hands. I started taking a look around at other comedy sites and realized most of the talk about women in comedy had a somewhat negative angle, “women vs. men”. Don’t get me wrong, I think some of that is valid and important, but what if we solely focused on the positive achievements of women in comedy? And what if it was totally inclusive and not a popularity contest? What if we featured the women in movies and on TV as well as the women writing ad campaigns, performing solo shows in the basements of theaters and the women busting their asses on stage doing open mics and bringer shows every night of the week. Maybe this whole comedy endeavor wouldn’t feel so daunting and isolating.

Why do you think that there’s an ever-persistent cultural perception that women aren’t funny?

I think it all boils down to fear. We ladies are already very powerful, but add a fierce sense of humor and we’re pretty much unstoppable. I think the denial of our humor is just a way of avoiding soiled drawers at the thought that we’re slowly taking over the world. Because we are. (Veeeeery slowly.)

A very smart woman (Tina Fey) once said to me (in her book, Bossypants) that it’s also important to “consider the source.” Who are these people saying women aren’t funny? Are they worth our time? Are they kookooballs? Then who cares! Move on and work on your set/show/routine so you can add your voice to the legions of ladies already working in comedy. Power in numbers!

It seems that stand up comedy (especially amongst male comedians) can err towards the sexist. Are you offended by / opposed to these jokes? Do you think women should just join in, or is it a comedienne’s responsibilities to try to fight this sexism?

Sure it offends me. How can it not? I have self respect and respect my peers so anything disparaging said about us as a group is bound to boil my blood. But I’ve also realized that this is just going to happen. Just as there are always going to be racism and ageism and bakeism (people who hate baking) there is always going to be sexism. Personally I find it funny that in the world we live in and this day in age people choose to hate on women on stage. There are literally thousands… millions! of topics up for discussion and they choose to put women down? Hate, again, is based in fear so I end up just feeling sorry for the dude (or lady – trust me it happens on our end too) spewing the sexism. Living in fear is a bad place to be. Joining in clearly won’t do any good and fighting back will only waste our brain power when we could be talking about awesome topics like cheese shoes and frog farts and all those other magical things in the world around us real and imagined. (But seriously, do frogs fart? If they do they should be called fargs.) I honestly think too much attention is paid to these creeps. As Adira Amram and I said in our G.L.O.C. Anthem about haters, “We just say F U and walk the other way!” Nuff said.

What are your feelings on the Judd Apatow brand of bromance comedies that are so popular right now? Do you think the formula can/should work for women?

Honestly, I’m a little tired of the bromances. I just saw “Your Highness” and was really disappointed at how narrow their target audience was. Can we ladies not also enjoy a movie about smoking weed and going on quests? What I can appreciate about Judd Apatow’s movies is that he shows a more sensitive side to dudes and allows them to be in touch with their emotions. (Somehow, though, that emotional depth is solely reserved for his bros, but it’s a start.) His movies still don’t pass The Bechdel Test (Does a movie contain two or more female characters who have names? Do those characters talk to each other? And, if so, do they discuss something other than a man?) even though he casts (and is married to!) one of the funniest women working today–Leslie Mann. I do think that formula will work for women, but I think–and they touched on this in the New Yorker article on Anna Faris–that they are making fewer movies today that aren’t based in a franchise so they’re less willing to take risks with a movie that doesn’t have a tested formula. Which is why women like Anna Faris are so important! Don’t even get me started. I love her.

I am looking forward to seeing Bridesmaids (produced by Apatow) and I love that the women get to take on the hilarious, weird, goofy, disgusting roles. Though if this movie doesn’t pass The Bechdel Test I’m not sure what hope we have. (Anna Faris)

It seems that physical attractiveness is still something female comedians (and female performers of all kinds, for that matter) have to deal with in a way that men no longer do. How do you feel about this? Did that factor into naming your blog “Gorgeous Ladies of Comedy”?

It’s pretty unfortunate because comedy should be a meritocracy: the funniest get the job. But it’s just not that way. Hollywood is a looks-based industry so it’s even harder for women to break through without meeting the defined standard of beauty. I can’t say I haven’t griped with lady friends about the ability of men to chub it, slub it and frump it up and get much further than us ladies, but again, where is the complaining getting us? I’m not sure what can be done to change that, honestly. Hollywood is and will always be looks-based. When I first started taking classes at NY’s Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, the ratio of women to men was much wider. I found myself really dressing down to fit in. Now I embrace my love of dressing up and I think many comediennes feel the same way. What lady doesn’t like to feel, gorgeous, after all? Barbra taught us that in “Funny Girl” and who is more gorgeous than her? (No one.) The “Gorgeous” in G.L.O.C. is about an attitude. Confidence, honesty, unapologetically kick-ass. Maybe some day we can roll out of bed and book a national spot, but the desire to gussy up every once in a while will always be there. I just wish we weren’t judged solely on it.

Who are your heroines – in the comedy world or otherwise?

Everyone around me, everyone I’ve put up on the site, all my ladies–holla! But to be more specific and less diplomatic, I’ll name a few that have really been long-time inspirations. I remember reading that Jane Curtin had a home life and didn’t partake in the craziness of Saturday Night Live and yet she held her own on that show and made a name for herself. And is still working today! (Though not nearly enough.) Teri Garr is a huge inspiration and had a great article on the AV Club which is absolutely worth the read. When I was younger I adored Tracey Ullman and really aspired to be like her when I grew up; funny and British. Gilda Radner… I named my dog after her. (Gilda Raddog.) Julie Klausner and I came up through the UCB together and she has just blown her shit out of the water. I am so proud of her. Kristen Schaal is not only hilarious, but really grounded and sweet. I did an interview with both these ladies on G.L.O.C. and felt completely inspired post-talk. Lately one of my biggest inspirations is a woman who works behind the scenes, Olivia Wingate. She is a comedy manager and has really opened her door to me and taken me under her wing answering any questions I have about starting my own business and working behind the scenes in comedy. It’s just so important to help each other out! OK, I have to stop or I’ll go fill pages.

Do you have any advice for teen girls who are aspiring comediennes?

My advice would be to stop caring what people think and stop hating on other ladies who intimidate or in some way threaten you. It took me 30 years to figure that out, but once I was able to embrace both of those things I was happier and more successful than I’ve ever been in my life. Stop worrying about being polite or lady-like and just go for it! Try it out! If it doesn’t work then you move on, right? No harm, no foul. It’s easier said than done, but the earlier you try your hand at comedy the sooner you’ll start kicking ass. And when you do let me know and I’ll add you to our site, you gorgeous lady of comedy.

Zach graciously agreed to answer some questions for the FBomb, and, believe me, if you don’t already have a crush on him, you’re about to.

You have been called the new “poster-child for straight allies who support marriage equality.” How do you feel about this title?

To be honest, I really don’t like being thought of as a “straight ally,” so to speak, because it implies that I’m somehow separate from the community, which is simply not the case. Gay rights are my rights as well, insofar as they directly affect my family and me. If my biological mom had died when I was seven, I wouldn’t have been able to live with my other mom, I would have been shipped off to live with one of my uncles. Jackie probably wouldn’t have even had visitation rights.

And ultimately, the fact is that so long as society views this struggle as one for “gay” rights, we’re not going to get a whole lot of traction. It’s a question of *civil* rights, just like we weren’t fighting for “black” rights during the 60s: we were fighting for equality. And we’re still doing that today.

That being said, I see I’ve got this awesome opportunity to speak out on behalf of my family and advocate for our rights, so I’m doing my best to have a positive impact and move this conversation in a healthy direction.

Why don’t you think that more children of same sex parents have spoken out in defense of gay rights / in support of gay marriage?

Well, first off, there aren’t actually that many of us that are as old as me. I’m not the oldest by any means. I actually know some people in their late 20’s/early 30’s who were raised by gay couples. They grew up during a time, however, where it really wasn’t acceptable to talk about their families or gay marriage generally. I mean, it really hasn’t been until the last few years where the support for marriage equality on a national level has really climbed, and recently reached a majority, which is phenomenal. So I’m at the age where gay marriage is increasingly accepted, but I’m still a “kid” insofar as my parents have clearly been the single largest influence on me, but I’m a kid who’s hold enough to have an independent opinion, and I happen to be a kid with a strong speech and debate background and the ability to articulate that opinion in a coherent, persuasive manner.

And while we’re at it, personally, I don’t even like the phrase “gay marriage,” because there’s really no such thing. It’s just marriage, and a question of whether or not the institution is discriminating against people who wish to marry someone of the same sex or not. This kind of ties into my answer to the first question.

Some critics have claimed that you – nor anybody else – have yet to offer a “logical” defense of gay marriage. How do you respond to this / what do you think is the ultimate defense for gay marriage?

Hahaha, yikes. That’s funny, because I have yet to hear a logical argument against marriage equality. If you accept the separation of church and state in this country, there really is no logical argument against marriage equality. If you don’t accept the separation of church and state in this country, I’d recommend re-reading the bill of rights, specifically the part about the state not establishing a religion.
But it comes down to this:

The US Supreme Court has ruled thirteen times that marriage is a fundamental civil right. As articulated in the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution, we all have equal protection under the law. The state recognizes marriage for two reasons: 1) to recognize the relationship between two loving people and to cede to them specifically the legal rights, privileges and protections that people in such a relationship deserve. (The right to execute each other’s will, hospital visitation rights, insurance rights, etc.) And 2) to encourage procreation, and thus the perpetuation of society. Because it has been scientifically demonstrated that gays are no worse at raising kids than heterosexual couples and that the kids are not damaged by having gay parents, and because it’s pretty clear that love is love regardless of the sex of the people involved, it is unconstitutional to take from gays their right to civil marriage. Period, the end.

Now, my mind can be changed on this. Seriously. If opponents of marriage equality can demonstrate that 1) Marriage is not a civil right (and overturn 13 US Supreme Court decisions) OR 2a) kids raised by homosexuals/bisexuals are somehow deficient or inferior to kids raised by heterosexuals AND 2b) that the love between people of the same sex is somehow less legitimate than people of different sexes, I wouldn’t necessarily support marriage equality. Seems unlikely that those points will ever be proved, though.

Do you think that your feelings about/perceptions of masculinity and what it means to be a man were in any way impacted by being raised by two women? Similarly, do you think your perceptions of gender or sexual norms were influenced?

Not particularly. Like most people of our generation, my perceptions of both masculinity and femininity were largely shaped by society, my peers and other socializing forces. Parents, in my experience, play a relatively small role in how we perceive masculinity and femininity. As far as sexual norms go, though, yeah, my parents probably had a measurable impact there, just to the point that I never thought homosexuality was *not* not-normal.

Do you consider yourself a feminist?

Unequivocally.

The gay marriage ban that set the stage for your testimony (House Joint Resolution 6) was ultimately passed, despite your moving words. How do you feel about this? Any future political activism planned?

Well the ban didn’t actually pass. House Joint Resolution 6 was a proposed constitutional amendment. For a constitutional amendment to pass, it must pass both houses of the Iowa General Assembly in two back-to-back sessions, each of which lasts two years. Those votes require only a simple majority. After that point, it then goes to the Iowa voters on the ballot, which also requires a simple majority of voters to approve it. HJR6 passed the Iowa House 62-37, but has not even come up for a vote in the Democrat-controlled Senate, and in all likelihood will not pass during this session, meaning that it couldn’t possibly reach the ballot box until late 2015. By that point, it seems likely that a majority of Iowans would not support redefining marriage in an exclusionary way. And I’ve got faith that even if it did come to pass, Perry v. Schwarzenegger will result in the striking down of all anti-gay marriage bans and amendments in the country.

Are you hopeful for our generation? Do you think the political landscape will change as we start voting in larger numbers and enter politics, and if so, how?

Very much so. For our generation, marriage equality isn’t an issue. Women’s rights and other minority rights are not an issue. An 18 year old in Alabama is more likely to support gay marriage than a 65 year old in Massachusetts. ‘Nuff said.

I think when it comes to social issues, the members of our generation are pretty much on the same page. Economic and foreign policy issues? Not so much. But, socially, I think we’re all pretty much in the same place and the policies implemented over the next few years will definitely reflect that.

It’s 10:06 AM on a random Tuesday morning (I’m not a skipper, folks, my school is on Mid-Winter Break), but I got a weird impulse to write this post.

My dad passed away last month. Chances are some of you have also lost a loved one in the past few months and, like myself, are struggling with how to get by.

When my dad was in the hospital and hooked up to what felt like a thousand different machines doing all of his bodily functions for him, it was really tough. I try to block those memories out, but I can still picture everything with perfect clarity: sitting by his bedside, holding a hand that at times felt too cold and at others too hot, and above all else, trying to reason with my dad that he “still owed me a game of chess.”

That chess set we got him for Christmas? We’d only managed to play once.

It was at the moment we knew my dad wasn’t going to make it that my aunt told me something that changed my life. She said “You need to do something with this.” She said that there was going to be another 17-year-old girl who was in my exact position:

She would be holding back tears with enough force to make her head pop, she would be asking God (or whoever she believed to be “up there”) why this had to happen, and eventually, she would have to accept – no, cope with – fate.

Are you that 17-year-old girl?

Okay, maybe you’re not 17. Maybe you didn’t lose a parent, but a grandparent, a sibling, a friend. Maybe you’re not even a girl.

But while I can’t see or hear you, I feel like we’re linked by an invisible thread. I know that sounds really, really, really corny, but it’s true, isn’t it? Whether it makes sense or not, we’re connected, and we owe it to ourselves to support each other.

So, for any of you who might be trying to cope with the loss of a loved one, here are my tips, observations, snide remarks (heh), and advice:

“You’re just grieving.”

First off, I hate the term “grieving.” It doesn’t do our feelings justice, you know? But you’re going to hear it about a thousand times from relatives, self-help books, and counselors (if you choose to see one), so I guess we just have to roll with it. The thing I want to say about this whole process is that it’s going to be crazy, horrific, weird, sobering, sporadic, gut-wrenching, and life-changing all at the same time. At times you’re probably going to feel like an ass for having certain thoughts, while other times you’ll feel content in the fact that you tried to be a good daughter, son, sibling, friend, etc. to the person you lost. Grieving (there, I said it!) is one wild ride. Probably because we don’t have control over it.

Caught in a Whirlwind

In the week or so after losing your loved one, your house is probably going to feel pretty chaotic. People are going to be checking in on you constantly, your mailbox is going to be stuffed to the brim with sympathy cards (some of which aren’t even that sympathetic), and you’re not going to have to cook for about 3 weeks because people will keep bringing you donuts and homemade chili (because they don’t know how else to help). I like to call this the “whirlwind phase” because there’s so much going on around you. Sometimes you won’t even have a chance to be alone or cry. It’ll feel like you’re stuck in a bad dream, and any minute the person you lost will walk right through the front door – probably asking who brought the donuts.

For the millionth time, “Are you okay?”

WARNING: People are not going to know what to say to you after you lose somebody.

It’s okay to not be okay.
You’re going to hear “Are you okay?” about a million times and you’re going to want to bash in somebody’s skull every one of those times. You’ll think: Am I ‘okay’? Are you kidding me? No, I’m not okay, you idiot! I just lost somebody important to me! Do you honestly think I’m okay?!

That’s completely normal.

People don’t know what to say during times like these because they don’t want to accidentally say something insensitive. They feel helpless, so instead of thinking about your loved one they’ll think in the moment – they’ll want to know if YOU are okay. Even if you think the answer is obvious, don’t punch anybody out for asking The Question. Just come up with an answer beforehand that’s quick and to-the-point. Obviously “Oh yeah, I’m doing great!” is out of the question, but things like “I’m just really tired lately” or “You know, I’m hanging in there” will spare you the pain of explaining things if you don’t want to. Of course, you can’t do that with everybody. The people who genuinely care about you – close friends and family members as opposed to casual acquaintances – will want to know the truth. If you’re not okay, tell them. They will understand.

Then Comes the Quiet: Don’t Cry Alone

The hardest part of this whole process comes after the whirlwind phase. You stop getting cards sent to your door every five seconds, people stop asking you if you’re okay and go on with their lives, and sometimes they’ll even forget about what happened and inadvertently say something that strikes a nerve. But worst of all, your house will be quieter and you’ll be faced with a lot of alone time in your own head.

Let me tell you, crying alone is heartbreaking. Please don’t torture yourself like that.

Find somebody you trust and pour your heart out to them. Tell them what you’re worried about. Tell them what you’re sad about. Reminisce about the “good old times” if that makes you feel better. But do not lock everything up inside because it’s an incredibly sad, lonely feeling (even those words don’t do it justice).

If you don’t have anybody that will just listen to what you have to say, I’m begging you, find a counselor! A school counselor! A community counselor! Preferably somebody free-but-good!

The thing is, I don’t think we’re equipped to handle losses like these on our own. We need somebody to lean on during times like these. And that’s okay!

Handling the Guilt

Depending on how you lost your loved one and the type of relationship you had before their passing, you’re going to have to deal with what we in the biz call “mental crap.” In my case, it was guilt. I wish I would’ve done this. I wish I would’ve done that. Those thoughts are inevitable, but if we focus too much on them we’re going to dig ourselves into a deep, deep hole.

Losing somebody close to us is so, so hard. But we can never forget that there was nothing we could have done to change things. It’s not like we can say “If I would’ve just worn my yellow shirt instead of my orange one Uncle Jimmy would still be here!”

It was not our fault.

Bang! Bang! Another Trigger

Triggers are going to happen without warning. A trigger is something that is completely unexpected and random that makes you think about your loved one in a positive or negative way. For example, if your grandma was a gardener, smelling fresh flowers might remind you of all the good times you spent together. Alternatively, if you lost someone in a car crash seeing a car zoom down your street at 80mph might make you angry and anxious.

Triggers are everywhere, and even if you tell yourself that you’re not going to let them affect you (like I did in the beginning – what a dummy!), it is going to happen and you cannot beat yourself up about it.

My trigger came in the form of a poem in English class the other day. The poem my teacher read was about a man who committed suicide, and afterwards all she had to say was “I don’t know how many of you have lost someone…” and BAM! I was a wreck. I cried on my textbook for about five minutes, trying to stifle my sobs. I’m sure everybody in class was watching me. About three of them knew why I was crying. The rest were confused: “Are you having a bad day?” “Did something happen in your 2nd period?” “We all have days like that.”

And here I was thinking: If you only knew.

But of course, they never know.

Keeping Memories Alive

I’ve found that finding ways to honor my dad is really therapeutic. I wrote that article about him, I made a video, I have pictures of him up in my room . . . I even wrote a song for him in Chinese (for those of you who don’t know, I’m a Chinese-learning-maniac) and sing it whenever I’m feeling sad or lonely. Maybe it’s too soon for you to do anything like this; maybe you don’t want to. All I’m saying is, it might not hurt to try.

They Never Leave Us

I don’t know about you, but I totally believe in “life after death.” I hate saying afterlife, spirits, ghosts, or anything like that because the media has made a mockery of that stuff (except for shows like Medium and Ghost Whisperer which are actually pretty good!), but I am a firm believer that when we die, we don’t just disappear. Our loved ones never leave us.

It has been so freaking frustrating for me ever since my dad passed away because, as dumb as this sounds, I’ve been waiting for some kind of “sign” from him. You see it in the movies – lights flicker, TVs turn on and off, you feel chills, etc. I’ve been waiting anxiously for my sign.

What I’ve realized is, your “sign” isn’t always going to come when you want it. BUT you can’t lose faith in the fact that your loved one is looking out for you. I talk to my dad whenever I need to because there’s not a doubt in my mind that he’s listening.

If you’re on the same wavelength with me about this stuff, I’d suggest reading James Van Praagh’s book Ghosts Among Us. It gave me so much reassurance . . .

What the Future Holds

Most of the time it hurts too much to think about the future. To think that my dad will never get to see me graduate, get married, or have a book on the National Bestsellers List (hehe) . . . really kills me. But I’ve also learned something through this.

I’ve learned not to take people for granted. When we expect someone to always be there for us, it’s so easy to justify petty arguments or think “Eh, I’ll hug ‘em some other time.” But experiencing death head-on has made me realize and appreciate that (corny) line that says life is fragile and precious.

We need to be so grateful for the people we have in our lives. We need to treasure every laugh, every funny conversation, every hug, every “I love you.” We need to take things less seriously. I mean, does it really matter if we get a B on a test? In the grand scheme of things, hell no. We need to be more open to spontaneity, more willing to try new things, and more accepting of new people. We need to recognize that beauty does not come in a shampoo bottle or lipstick tube, but in a smile, in kindness, in confidence. We need to love ourselves more, and pursue all the relationships in our lives with a new appreciation and vigor.

*Sigh* Okay. That concludes my philosophical spiel.

P.S. It might not mean much, but if you find that you ever need someone to vent to, drop me a line at teenagefeminist@gmail.com.

“Life is eternal and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon,
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”
–Rossiter W. Raymond

Danielle also writes for Experimentations of a Teenage Feminist

Zainab Salbi

When Zainab Salbi started Women for Women International, an organization that provides women survivors of war and other conflicts with tools and resources to move from crisis and poverty to stability and self-sufficiency, she was 23 years old. She had left her entire family behind in Iraq only a few years before, bringing with her to America only $400. 16 years later, her organization has raised almost 80 million dollars, helped over 200,000 women and impacted over a million children’s lives.

Salbi’s own experience with the Iran-Iraq war inspired her to help all women dealing with the aftermath of war, in order to achieve the greater goal of promoting viable civil societies worldwide, changing the world one woman at a time. And truly, her experience with war affected her not only in her life’s work, in her beliefs. “I don’t see only the beauty of the world,” Salbi admitted, “I also see the awful, ugliness of it in a parallel way to the beauty. I think I appreciate beauty because I know what the flip side of it is. I grew up in – and still live in a world- where bombs and machine guns and tanks and all of that exist and where death is so much a part of life. And so that’s how it shaped me very much as it’s always in the back of my head, it’s always seeing that pain and being aware of it and in a way it makes me appreciate the joy and the beauty so much more because I know it doesn’t always exist.”

Salbi’s experience with war also opened her eyes to the plight of women, and their resulting social standing, as a result of strife. “The world treats women so unfairly,” she asserted. “The fact that they are narrowed to simply being victims – I see women in their amazing beauty and resilience and amazing way that I only wish the world could see half of, not even all of it.” But despite the resilience of women, there are still major obstacles to recovery. Salbi outlined the stages of surviving war, pointing to the obvious stage of “survival mode” – or needing basic necessities like water, food, jobs and clothing. But the survival process does not end here; rather, it continues for years, and can be destructive if not addressed.

“In the second stage, you need acknowledgement,” Salbi explains. “You need to acknowledge what you’ve gone through, you need someone who understands what you’ve witnessed. Not necessarily to say sorry, not necessarily to feel bad as much as you really just need a witness. This happened to me. And in that stage it’s much more on the emotional and intellectual level, and it can happen years after the war.” And while women, and all survivors of war, must realize this stage, Salbi notes, there is a stage that dominantly affects women – a stage including increased domestic violence, alcoholism, diseases and illness, and depression and suicide. It’s this stage that her organization aims to address through providing a support system.

Unfortunately, working with survivors and helping them to rebuild their lives has not been as easy as getting on a plane and moving into a foreign village. Salbi has faced opposition repeatedly from leaders of the countries she visits – on a national and local level. National government, Salbi explains, often oppose her attempts to help the poorest factions – those who are most devastatingly affected. “They [the national government] find it hard to focus on the most excluded marginalized people,” she notes. And even when the national government submits, local leaders of smaller communities often feel that by helping women, Salbi will jeopardize the patriarchal system instilled in the community. However, Salbi often succeeds, as “more often than not we get husbands or men in leadership positions who turn 360 degrees and say ‘okay, you’re right and we apologize we didn’t realize how happy the women in our lives are or how wonderful it is to see them independent and strong and smiling and getting their own jobs.’”

But Salbi’s struggles are not solely restricted to her experience on the job. Inevitably, when dealing with such emotional and difficult, though rewarding, work, Salbi questions her own life. “It’s always disorienting at the beginning for me, it always takes me a while to adjust to the different lives I just witnessed and live in one of them at a time. But the whole point is to bring joy and to feel joy and share joy and not be melodramatic or sad about what women have gone through. As much as one should acknowledge the pain they should acknowledge the joy and share it with everyone else,” she says. When asked about how she deals with the dual reality of living in a first world country while working with the most poverty-stricken people of third world countries, Salbi says she uses the difference as determination. “It’s okay that I enjoy this reality here, that I have water here and don’t have to carry the gallons of water through 115 degrees for a couple of hours. Just because I have it and I’m not living there doesn’t mean I have to torture myself,” she says. “But it makes me much more determined to say how I can share this access with others, how I can share this life with others. And so it makes me, if anything, much more determined and passionate about the work that I do and about sharing resources and privileges with others.”

Though Salbi herself is an example of the power of young women, she still looks to our generation with respect, and even indicates that we are a large part of her organization’s success. “I’m inspired by the power of young women and girls. What’s holding us is not the big major donor who is giving us $20,00 – it’s equally the girl who created a run in her high school to raise $10,000 to help I don’t know how many women, or the young women who are participating in the Run for Congo or a book club that collected money. It’s these grassroots efforts from everyone who people would say ‘they can’t help they’re teenagers.’ They’re the ones who are saving the day in this particular moment, who are saying we’re going to stand up and we’re not going to forget those women and girls in other parts of the world.” And she has advice for us, too. “It’s so easy for us to be busy with our daily lives, but we cannot forget about the injustice that is happening against women and girls in other parts of the world, because if we do, it will haunt us. It will come back one day in a direct or indirect way. I really don’t believe that this world can be a better place and can be safe and stable if women and girls do not have an equal share and equal participation in all decision making. And I cannot see how we can go about building a more stable world if we don’t have full inclusion of women and men, boys and girls in every single position and in every single thing we do.”

Gloria Feldt

Gloria Feldt, a former teen mother, was the president and CEO of Planned Parenthood. She is currently an activist, author and leading expert in women’s rights, leadership and politics and blogs about these topics. She has a special passion for encouraging young people, through the media, to participate in the political process on behalf of their own rights and health.

It’s hard to believe that Gloria Feldt, accomplished activist and fearless leader for women’s rights, wasn’t born a radical feminist, ready to slash the patriarchy. In fact, until she was a young adult, Ms. Feldt was set on a more traditional path. A teen mother and young wife living in Texas, it wasn’t until she experienced sexism in her own life that she began to think about feminism.

“I started trying to stick my toe into the world of employment. I realized how limited I was,” Gloria told the FBomb. “I wanted to get a car loan and I was making as much money as my husband at the time and I couldn’t get a car loan without his signature. I couldn’t get a credit card in my own name. And it really ticked me off.”

But the true experience that set Ms. Feldt on her feminist journey and later crusade for women’s rights? Direct access to the birth control pill. “I could actually plan my own life and I used that newfound freedom to start college. And that’s where I started getting more involved in what was going on in the larger world. It didn’t take me too long to realize women have civil rights, too.”

The same thing that so many teens and young adults alike take for granted today revolutionized Ms. Feldt’s life, and allowed her to revolutionize ours. “For young women today, the availability of birth control is like the air and the water. For me, it was this miraculous new thing,” Feldt stated.

But birth control clearly has not solved all of our problems. Feldt points to both societal and political problems that stand in the way of the battle for choice and moreover for the safety of our generation’s health.

“I think a lot of shaming still goes on and that really hasn’t changed,” Feldt lamented. “I think that more girls today may say they are ‘pro-life’ because they have sort of been shamed into it, when the truth is in their own circumstances, or in their friends’ circumstances, they may see things very differently.” Feldt also pointed to the media as the main promoter of such shame. “I think that sort of zeal and harassment of anti-choice groups has been so huge and that’s what gets reported in the media,” she said. “Regular, normal human beings of all ages who are simply going about their lives trying to be responsible get no attention. And that is a real problem.”

But this shame is more than a societal issue, Feldt argues. It may actually negatively impact our health. “When you feel ashamed of something, you can’t own it. And the thing that will prevent an appropriate behavior, that will prevent unintended pregnancy, that will prevent STDs, that will build healthier relationships, is to actually have knowledge. To actually know who you are and what your body is like – to own your sexuality. Then you can be responsible. But if you have been told ‘no, you can’t be responsible because you don’t know what yes means,’ then you can’t own your choices.”

Feldt indicates that programs like abstinence-only sex education are the main source telling us that we don’t know “what yes means.” “I think abstinence only over the long haul will prove to be one of the most outrageously negative things that has been done to young people in the last generation,” Feldt asserts. Truly, she assures, teens need accurate information about sex – they can handle it and access to it would make all the difference. “I think that young people hopefully use the resources of the internet to find good information when they need it,” she qualifies, “but even that information still can’t overcome this negative cultural attitude. It [abstinence-only education] is going to have negative consequences for a long time.” Spreading education and awareness about sex and health was one of Feldt’s main goals at, and is a continuing goal of, Planned Parenthood.

Ms. Feldt’s analysis of sex education really struck a chord with me, personally. I’m a junior this year, and technically my “sexual health” education as taught by my school was over in eighth grade, and yet I don’t remember any mention of even a condom. Worse, my school is technically not on an “abstinence-only” sex education model. We were taught in depth about the effects of STDs, but not the causes, or basic safe sex practices. Truly, I think the shame of the whole topic as felt by my school’s administration prohibited the comprehensive education they promised and may one day affect the health of their students. If this is what is occurring in a school purportedly not affected by abstinence only, I fear for those that are.

But Gloria has a lot of respect and hope for our generation. When asked about our generation, Feldt described us “being more engaged in politics and society and social issue and causes and movements than the next older generation. I’ve decided it must be a grandparent/grandchild thing,” she concludes. But there are still present problems we must overcome. Some of Gloria’s concerns include the fact that, “there’s almost a 1:10 ratio of girls versus boys that say they’d be interested in entering politics.” Our problem, Feldt feels, is rooted in, “the socialization of very young girls that leaves girls feeling less worthy, sort of less capable of doing those things. I think that there is also not a full sense of ownership of the world, to see life with intention. It’s a huge problem and I think the education system needs to be looked at from pre-kindergarten on. And there are probably some very small tweaks that would just make the difference.”

But despite the issues our generation has yet to face, Ms. Feldt ultimately believes in our generation. “Just be proud of yourself and know that you’re doing great important work and that you are not the future, you’re the present,” she said with a smile. “And I’m extremely grateful.”

Marie C. Wilson

In 2008, the world watched as Hilary Clinton campaigned for the Democratic Presidential nomination. Although she didn’t receive the nomination, the fact that she was able to even enter the race and was taken seriously, considering an attempt to do so even 50 years ago would have been dismissed and ridiculed by the nation, proves how far we’ve come. So often we take for granted the significant presence women have in politics today, and the people who made this happen. Marie C. Wilson is definitely one of these people, and one who won’t settle until women are not only present, but equally represented in politics.

Marie C. Wilson is former president of the Ms. Foundation for Women, where during her 20-year tenure she raised millions of dollars for programs promoting women’s health, education, and economic power, and the co-founder and current president of the White House Project, whose mission is “to advance women’s leadership in all communities and sectors, up to the U.S. presidency” because when you add women, “you get a nation that responds to challenges by drawing on the strength and wisdom of all its people, women and men.”

The FBomb got the chance to talk with Marie C. Wilson about our generation – the next generation of leaders: what she thinks of us and our futures, our obstacles and advantages, and where men and feminism fit in.

How do you think this generation of girls will transition into leadership roles?

I see young girls in America today bringing a kind of different model of leadership to the table. And that leadership will not only help feminism but it will help the world, society. It’s much more of a shared leadership, it’s a much more diverse group of women. It’s young women or girls who are comfortable and familiar with difference. And ones who I think expect something different of boys and the world and have the benefit of some moxie and courage that I think our generation left for the last generation. So, I actually feel very positive. I even watch my granddaughters and I see that from 2 on up – the world has changed in terms of who they are and what they can do. So I feel very positive about it.

So do you think that your expectations for our generation and trying to help us lead will become a reality?

Yeah, I do. Not only because of who you are but what’s going on in the world. There’s a growing knowledge that if we don’t get some people at the table who have this different approach to joint leadership and collaboration with each other with boys, with men, a kind of broader view of what constitutes change and by that I mean a good perspective on the importance of bringing people together across different sectors to get things done. I just think it’s a more open generation – it’s got all this stuff ahead to be open – you had to be open because all this information is coming at you from all these different ways. You have to be much smarter because you’ve had to parcel that information.

Have you seen the effect on young girls of seeing role models, strong women and women of color, in the media?

Yes I think the fact that you have Michelle Obama and you have a cabinet with Susan Rice and women – real diversity of very competent women in the cabinet. And I think you have the top woman in America in Pepsi, and you have one of the top women who is helping us in Xerox. So you have some diverse women in the private sector, you have some very diverse women in politics you even have some diverse women in the media right now. So it’s not enough to make an enormous difference but it’s enough to start really seeing some change. This visibility of women is going to make a difference. The visibility of Michelle Obama herself- she’s such an attraction and here she is interested in politics and policies. I don’t know what changes, or how fast, but its making a difference.

What are some of the obstacles you face in promoting women’s leadership?

The problem is that people don’t want to look at the fact that we’re not there. I do speak at colleges and the women will say after I speak “but there are more women in college then there ever were” and I say “yeah and when you get out there will be less of you going into the top positions and that isn’t moving fast enough for your generation.” So I think it’s kind of hard for people to believe that it’s not normal and unfortunately they are a token. We get one woman up and it’s like – it’s done. Oh, Hilary Clinton won, we have a woman on the supreme court. But there are also those of your generation who haven’t had to fight quite as hard. My generation fought hard, the one before that fought hard. It’s easy for you to feel that we made a lasting difference, and we did, but we haven’t changed the major thing, which in my opinion is getting women into power in sufficient numbers.

Second wave feminists, such as yourself, are undoubtedly responsible for the major strides women have made economically, politically and socially. However, it seems that my generation is being held back by a different force- the media surrounding pop culture. Though we’re not explicitly being discriminated against it still seems as though women are being held back and being held to different standards than men, let alone the effect it has on women’s confidence. How can we change this?

I’m of the opinion that I doubt you use popular culture. Audre Lorde said that the master’s tools don’t dismantle the master’s house, but I think popular culture is the exception. What I’m trying to do with the White House Project, with a whole staff of young women, is to actually use popular culture to get films and T.V. and documentaries made that actually show women as leaders. Because it’s there, you can’t do anything about it in some ways. It’s hard to fight because its everywhere and if you try to fight it you get cast aside as a radical feminist, but if you use it then what you all need to do is get power. You need to own the media. You need to take power and take leadership positions in it because you want to make more movies that show women as leaders, you want to keep putting out different images of women so that you contradict it. And you should call them on it when they’re wrong. But you’re also going to have to own it.

How do you think boys fit into increasing our leadership potential and how will they effect our leadership in the future?

I think young boys today have at least seen women like Hilary Clinton run for president, they’ve seen women in sports and have a kind of respect for the toughness and perseverance of women they have seen. But they also have seen leaders that have made them that much more conscious of girls’ possibilities and progress. But I think the hard thing is that they’re going to be more competitive with you because I think it’s going to be women’s time to lead – you’re growing into a different type of leadership right now. But as you grow into leadership, men’s lives are going to change in your generation. And that’s going to be a little tough. The men in your lives are going to have to do much more childcare and aren’t going to have the only path to the top opportunities in America. And I think there will be competition for the top jobs and that will be tough and what is I think unfortunate is that its kind of under the surface right now. But also, the more women get power, particularly girls get power, the more fashion and popular culture will sexualize them. So that’s the other edge that’s hard for girls, that increased sexualization has happened at a time when girls and women are having more power. So whether its choice or what goes on in the media these are all kind of underground ways women are kept out of power. And get power through rather than power. 

Is there any general advice you’d like to give to my readers?

Well, I think when I look at young women, teenage women, I think the most important thing is that you understand that having more women lead in this country is really good for men. Because I think often women your age have been told that there was a feminist group and they hated men. And to be for women is to be against men and you have to give up friendships. I would certainly tell them to partner with people, men particularly, who have real interest in their agency and their power and their movement. Women who are at the top don’t have families and children quite often, and what you need at the top are people who have a deep understanding of what it means to have families and children. You need people who have their hearts and their heads. Find partners who really can do that. Have friends around you who are good people and support you but tell you the truth and look for sources of leadership because I’ve done the research on this and if you want to stay strong and resilient for the rest of your life then go and change things. Change what’s coming at you because resiliency for young women is about social change, it’s about taking something that’s going on and doing something to change it and I’ve seen girls do amazing things because at the Ms. Foundation we funded girls who did projects that changed their high schools, their communities, their cities. I mean girls have enormous power. And I think you should use your power because you’re still seen as daughters, and you don’t scare men. Daughters are the keys to change for men. And I think you can tell grown men things because you’re seen as their daughters that I can never tell them so I expect you to use being the daughters of our country to promote good things for each other.