Feminism | Posted by Lily A on 05/25/2016
Both Hands: Reflecting On A Manipulative Relationship
What I learned from an unhealthy relationship
I started dating a guy about a week into my freshman year of college. He was, and still is, brilliantly creative and blisteringly intelligent. He thought I was unbearably pretty and we had our first sort of date in the rain under the awning of a bank. I was living away from home, in the middle of nowhere. I was starstruck.
We loved each other deeply and were happy for the first few months. We wrote poetry side by side in the library and, when I asked him about his intentions for us, he kissed my knee and said, “long term.
Our happiness, however, was delicate. He had a strict no PDA policy, which even seemed to include looking at me when we …
Feminism | Posted by June S on 10/26/2015
My Experience Dating Someone with a Mental Illness
When I was 23 years old I dated two men at once. One taught me how I should be treated and the other taught me just the opposite. I regret neither relationship.
I met Noel first and he was everything I thought I wanted in a partner. He was smart, nice, and interesting and seemed to genuinely like me and care about what I had to say. We had a great first date: We ate brunch at a place he used to work. The food was really good. I remember that I ate avocado toast. He told me about his childhood. He said he grew up in Europe and moved to New York to become an actor about a year prior. I remember thinking he was really, really cute. As …
Pop-Culture | Posted by David G on 09/9/2015
The Everyday Sexism of Dating
In theory, dating can be an incredible opportunity for two individuals to model gender-based equality and mutual respect. In practice, however, women are still frequently degraded and regarded as submissive sexual objects — especially in heterosexual relationships.
Countless women anecdotally confirm this, but one need look no further for evidence than the viral Instagram account @tindernightmares. The account collects screenshots of real messages women have received from men on Tinder, which range from cringeworthy to downright disrespectful. While @tindernightmares appears to have been created to humorously expose the truly weird people who frequent dating sites and app, the creepy messages that often appear on the site actually highlight a much bigger problem women face today while dating: They’re still seen as sex objects and subordinate to men.
Tinder Nightmares: https://instagram.com/p/6v2ltOkITn/
Feminism | Posted by Sonja S. on 04/20/2015
Why Are Your Needs More Important than Mine?
Dating and double standards
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines double standards as “a set of principles that applies differently and usually more rigorously to one group of people or circumstances than to another; especially: a code of morals that applies more severe standards of sexual behavior to women than to men.” Double standards shouldn’t exist. Yet, they undeniably still do, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. It’s a reality with which I have plenty of firsthand experience.
One major dating double standard is the way girls are judged as too assertive or too needy when they ask for what they want in heterosexual relationships. We are constantly pressured to please our partners and put our desires aside. This was made clear to me recently when it came to talk …
Feminism | Posted by Maya Richard-Craven on 08/8/2014
What Makes Asian-American Men ‘Undateable?’
When I look in the mirror, I do not see someone that I understand to be handsome by Western standards. I look mostly Asian, and like so many other heterosexual Asian males before me, I have internalized a lifetime of believing that my features, my face, my skin tone, in tandem, make me unattractive and undesirable.
- Noah Cho, “How I Learned to Feel Undesirable“
Several studies have found Asian-American males to be the “least desirable” bachelors, a trend that may be exacerbated by a seeming across-the-board preference for dating Asian-American women by men of all races. The term Asian-American, in this case, covers a broad ethnic spectrum, including, but not limited to: “people who have origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East,
Feminism | Posted by Maya Richard-Craven on 06/4/2014
“You’re Pretty, For A Black Girl”
“My dick really isn’t attracted to black girls.”
I tried to explain how his comment could come off as a tad bit racist.
“Well, it’s just that I don’t usually like girls like you.”
“You mean, you usually like girls with blonde hair and blue eyes?”
No, this conversation wasn’t with John Mayer. It was with a caucasian male in a fraternity, one of my peers at USC.
I cried that night on my two-mile walk home from “frat row.” I cried the next day. Ok, I cried for countless nights. Not because I was sad about some guy, or because he claimed he “wasn’t interested.” I cried because I was disappointed that American Eurocentric culture still produces people who fear challenging what they have been taught. …
Feminism, Pop-Culture | Posted by Celeste Y on 04/28/2014
Lady Promposals: I’m Breaking the Prom Double Standard — Right Now
The art of the promposal
With my grade’s school day countdown approaching the twenties, obligatory end-of-high-school events are becoming very real, very quickly. Prom season feels like it has been coming for a lifetime and for some girls, it actually has. For those girls, it’s an exciting time. Dresses! Hair! Lipstick! Other things I’ve never been concerned with! In my opinion, however, the whole event has cast a dusky, dis-empowering and somewhat misogynist cloud over the final chapters of senior year.
For those of you who are unaware (adults) of modern day prom etiquette — it’s extravagant. A promposal is a self-explanatory invitation to prom. But they are usually and increasingly grand, romantic and often public gestures wherein boys ask girls to be their dates. They typically involve the spelling …
Feminism | Posted by Kate M on 02/28/2014
What Happens After You Lose Weight
seriously, just stop
I wouldn’t say that I was ever fat. I was always just overweight enough that girls would tell me I looked “fine” and guys wouldn’t tell me much of anything (because I guess my dazzling intellect and sense of humor wasn’t high on their priority list). As a feminist, I always tried to feel proud of my body. I really did want to accept it and love it for what it was. But that was easier said than done.
Last summer I lost about 15 pounds. When I came back to school in the Fall, I was showered with compliments. “How did you do it?” everybody asked. I told some that I hardly even noticed my weight loss and that I had no idea how …