When I was 13 years old, I was raped by my then 15 year old boyfriend. For years, I held back from telling anyone except for some of my closest male friends. Why did I hold back from telling anyone? I felt it was my fault. We had gone on one date, and his parents invited me to visit at his house. At some point, his parents left without me being aware; and unfortunately I was unable to escape.
I was so terrified of my female friends disowning me or making fun of me after this incident that I held back and didn’t tell any of them. The reaction I got from my male friends was what did me in. They didn’t seem to care, and gave me the advice …
A friend of mine recently created a zine about the slut/stud double standard for a electives course called Feminisms that she’s taking. She included various fairy-tale-esque ads she found in magazines depicting women as love-obsessed. Watching her make her zine got me thinking about the image we always see of women as relationship-focused and emotional. Specifically, it got me thinking about the way we’re generally told girls and boys view random hook-ups, and I began to question whether those views are as widespread as we’ve been led to believe.
Remember the movie He’s Just Not That Into You? For those of you who missed it, the basic premise of this highbrow film (read: crappy rom-com) is that women and girls make up all kinds of excuses to rationalize men’s jerky behavior. According to He’s Just Not That Into You, we come up with justifications when a guy doesn’t call us, ignores us, or just treats us generally badly.
Apparently, we all need to realize that, upsetting as it is, he’s just not that into us. I agree. If someone is treating you badly, chances are they aren’t worth your time. But I have one issue.Movies like He’s Just Not That Into You and nearly every other rom-com in existence (save, maybe 500 Days of Summer) tell us that men often act like jerks and sometimes act nice. They usually tell us to find the nice guys, but they never address the fact that women also act like jerks, and sometimes she’s just not that into you.
In the film, a loving couple’s lives are destroyed after a car accident gives the wife amnesia therefore the husband must make her fall back in love with him. “The Vow” has all the ingredients for the perfect, cringe-inducing romance movie: a stunning couple, their flawless relationship, and a tragic incident that tears them apart. The only thing it seems to be missing is that it isn’t based off of a book by Nicholas Sparks.
Romance movies are, to put it lightly, just not my thing (full disclosure: I do have a soft spot for “When Harry Met Sally” but …
“Let me buy you dinner,” he said with a smile. He looked at me with confidence. He was close to me in age, and handsome. His actions were presumably innocent. On the surface, there was no reason for me to refuse. He thought he was simply asking me on a date, but it implied a deeper meaning.
He didn’t phrase his proposal as a question, but I still had a choice. I could say yes and smile endearingly; I could take the sandwich he wanted to buy me and thank him for his generosity. But I knew that if I wanted to live with myself, the answer would be no. I could not carry on as a hypocrite. I could not relinquish my self-respect for a sandwich.
…But you’re actually really funny, too!” Well no shit, asshole. In addition to a sense of humor, I also possess opinions, aspirations, and a black belt, but since we only made it to gelato and Gas USA for your cigarettes, I guess I shouldn’t expect you to know that. That is the sad unfortunate reality that is dating.
While it’s cliché, it’s also completely true that for whatever reason people love to be told that they’re attractive. This is not meant to necessarily be an attack on the “oppressive bonds of beauty forced upon women by society.” I think it’s more complicated than that. Rather this is me trying to figure out exactly why a statement that praised my looks but …
My friend is obsessed with the YouTube star Jenna Marbles, and forced me to watch about fifteen of her videos in one sitting. At first, I was skeptical. I usually don't find YouTube performers all that funny. But there's just something about Jenna Marbles. Is she feminist? I mean...meh. What I do know about her latest video is that the blatant sarcasm mixed with gender commentary had me laughing, and that's good enough for me.
[WARNING: this video contains profanity, sexual references and all that fucking shit]
Whether we like it or not, we all have to go through a long list of “firsts” in life: first kiss, first date, first “serious” relationship, first time you have sex, and the first serious breakup (which is never, ever, an easy thing to go through), to name a few. But being a feminist definitely made it easier for me to make a dreaded and life-altering first decision.
I had my first serious boyfriend right at the end of high school when I was 18. I was young, naive, sheltered, and completely confused about what I wanted in life. He was an amazing first boyfriend, though. He respected me, we were very compatible, and most importantly, he was always supportive of all the changes I went through (the best boyfriend …
In my eyes, he was perfect in every way. Dreamboy was smart, interesting, had beautiful brown eyes, a charming smile. He was genuinely more interested in girls’ personality than their breasts or butts. I thought Dreamboy was a perfect gentleman, and I loved him more than I’d loved anyone.
Dreamboy had, in his words, “exponentially more” experience than I did. He was a ladykiller, but was friends with many of the girls he’d had relations with. I respected that; he didn’t just “bump and dump” but rather actually took the time to get to know the girls and to keep knowing them after they’d hooked up. Dreamboy was different than any of the other guys I’d known in high school.