Tinnie asks:

"So...i was just wondering...are you a sexist pig, perchance?"

I’m sure this has crossed many young feminists minds. When I say, “young feminists”, I mean younger then 25 (very young I guess). How are we supposed to date men (specifically), when in the back of our minds we have that caution tape? We are so aware of the crimes men have caused to our gender, so aware of how men think and treat females, how can we possibly not only begin to perhaps tell them not only that we are feminists but to see if they are those sexist pricks we have been fighting for so long?

I find it so incredibly hard just to talk to other women who are completely ignorant about feminism and the idealogy of it, I don’t even want to try to pursue relationships anymore. I don’t know how to gently lay out my cause or even a sneakier way–how to test a guy. This may just be basic courting skills, but my mother never taught me how to test a guy for closeted sexism or male supremacy. I want to know if any of you younger feminists have a theory on how to address this and if it worked.

I’m sure there must be a ton of fbombers with an opinion on this one.

But you’d think, if you were dating a guy that knows you’re a feminist, supports your feminism, agrees with your feminism, that he’d be a feminist too, right? How could he not be? 

Jessica Wakeman at The Frisky posed the question: could you date a guy that doesn’t call himself a feminist?

To which I would respond: I’m friends with girls who support my feminism, believe in feminist issues and don’t call themselves feminists (yet…). And I have dated guys who didn’t consider themselves feminist. One guy would tell me over and over again how much he supported my belief in feminism, but would never identify as one himself, no matter how many times I explained that

a) you don’t have to be a girl to be a feminist
and
b) he’d already identified himself as one in everything but title. 

It all just comes down to how intimidating the title “feminist” is to some people. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard “I’m not a feminist, but of course I support a woman’s right to choose/of course I believe media sets ridiculous standards for women/of course women should be paid the same as men/etc.”

News flash: that’s what being a feminist is. There is not some club you join or ritual initiation. There is no ring or other charm you must wear. There are no secret handshakes or passwords. It is just about believing in women’s rights to equality. 

For me, I don’t choose friends based on their feminist status, and boyfriends go the same way. It takes people longer than others to see the light, or be secure enough with themselves to use a word that makes so many others uncomfortable. I can only help by teaching them about feminism and sharing my experiences. Maybe one day they’ll identify as feminists, then again, maybe they won’t. 

As a feminist, I’m all about choice.