Feminism | Posted by Lily A on 05/25/2016
Both Hands: Reflecting On A Manipulative Relationship
What I learned from an unhealthy relationship
I started dating a guy about a week into my freshman year of college. He was, and still is, brilliantly creative and blisteringly intelligent. He thought I was unbearably pretty and we had our first sort of date in the rain under the awning of a bank. I was living away from home, in the middle of nowhere. I was starstruck.
We loved each other deeply and were happy for the first few months. We wrote poetry side by side in the library and, when I asked him about his intentions for us, he kissed my knee and said, “long term.
Our happiness, however, was delicate. He had a strict no PDA policy, which even seemed to include looking at me when we …
Feminism | Posted by Cheyenne T on 07/6/2015
The Complexity of Being A Black Feminist in a Relationship
On losing your first love.
It’s hard being alone after having been with someone for a long time. It’s hard to detach from your first love, to not have that person on whom you can rely for comfort, happiness and safety. You miss falling in love every time you see that person — your best friend — walk towards you.
I recently found myself in this situation, alone after almost two years of partnership. My boyfriend was mother and father, friend and lover to me. Losing all of those people at once — and knowing that he lost the same — was heartbreaking. But knowing that he was one less black man and I one less black woman the other could protect was the most heartbreaking part of all.
Feminism | Posted by Gina H on 01/6/2014
Recovering from an Abusive Relationship
After I escaped my abusive relationship I overexerted and exhausted myself at my own expense for the sake of resolving public opinion. I felt I needed to explain why I had been behaving so differently. I wanted to make sure people knew what had really been happening behind closed doors and that it was out of my control. I felt I needed to let other people in, to make them understand, sympathize and care.
I believe this was a mistake, and one that isn’t often discussed. Nobody should feel that they need to protect their abuser’s image. You are hurting yourself in doing that. Your abuser is not fighting for your reputation. Most likely, they are saying whatever they can to negate you, to prove you wrong, to label you …
Feminism | Posted by Alicia L on 07/23/2012
Biological clock? No such thing.
All women want babies eventually, right?
I come from a big family. I mean huge. My second cousins are starting to have children, so now I even have third cousins — third cousins who require lots of family celebrations. Every baby shower or child’s birthday party I go to, I get asked the same question: “So Alicia…when are YOU having kids?”
I always respond the exact same way with, “I’m not.”
And like clock-work, I always get told the same thing: “One of these days, when you’re older, you’ll WANT kids.” or “Every woman wants kids eventually. It’s natural.”
Which leads me to wonder: What is all this B.S. about a biological clock?
Is there really some crazy ticking time bomb in my uterus ready …
Feminism | Posted by Ashley B on 01/25/2012
Let Me Buy You Dinner
“Let me buy you dinner,” he said with a smile. He looked at me with confidence. He was close to me in age, and handsome. His actions were presumably innocent. On the surface, there was no reason for me to refuse. He thought he was simply asking me on a date, but it implied a deeper meaning.
He didn’t phrase his proposal as a question, but I still had a choice. I could say yes and smile endearingly; I could take the sandwich he wanted to buy me and thank him for his generosity. But I knew that if I wanted to live with myself, the answer would be no. I could not carry on as a hypocrite. I could not relinquish my self-respect for a sandwich.
“Why?” I …
Feminism | Posted by Natalia K on 07/29/2011
Life Lesson #1: Love Yourself First
Whether we like it or not, we all have to go through a long list of “firsts” in life: first kiss, first date, first “serious” relationship, first time you have sex, and the first serious breakup (which is never, ever, an easy thing to go through), to name a few. But being a feminist definitely made it easier for me to make a dreaded and life-altering first decision.
I had my first serious boyfriend right at the end of high school when I was 18. I was young, naive, sheltered, and completely confused about what I wanted in life. He was an amazing first boyfriend, though. He respected me, we were very compatible, and most importantly, he was always supportive of all the changes I went through (the best boyfriend …
Feminism | Posted by Charlotte on 07/26/2011
Sometimes Dreamboys aren't so dreamy...
In my eyes, he was perfect in every way. Dreamboy was smart, interesting, had beautiful brown eyes, a charming smile. He was genuinely more interested in girls’ personality than their breasts or butts. I thought Dreamboy was a perfect gentleman, and I loved him more than I’d loved anyone.
Dreamboy had, in his words, “exponentially more” experience than I did. He was a ladykiller, but was friends with many of the girls he’d had relations with. I respected that; he didn’t just “bump and dump” but rather actually took the time to get to know the girls and to keep knowing them after they’d hooked up. Dreamboy was different than any of the other guys I’d known in high school.
Then I told him that …
Feminism, Pop-Culture | Posted by Grisel O on 05/10/2011
One Step At A Time
there are better alternatives...
It all started on April 10, 2011. That’s the day my ex-boyfriend decided to leave me for another girl, another relationship. I’ve had my heart broken before, but it was this relationship, or the ending of this relationship, that made me change my mind for the better. It made me realize that as a woman I’m capable of doing many great things to change our world.
I’m single now and absolutely loving every second of it. Being too caught up in my own relationship caused me to shove my activist rights to the side. Yes, occasionally, there are moments when I randomly pass by the “cutest couple” and I can feel jealousy and disappointment flush over my body. But I’m using my healing heart to stand …