the white dress...the red ribbon. SYMBOLISM I DONT LIKE.

After reading Dodai at Jezebel’s minute-by-minute blog of Eclipse, I thought that I could finally pass on an opportunity to fund Twilight mania. Alas, I was wrong: the dark cyclone of doom that is Stephanie Meyer’s brainchild  sucked me in with the masses…in the form of trying to bond with my 15 year old cousin who I see once a year.

I read Twilight, I was grossed out, and I moved on. I’m not going to go on about the sexist and abusive messages being portrayed in this series, and I’m not going to insult the quality of the movies or the books because frankly I just don’t give a shit anymore; it’s been done (here, for example). No, I don’t want to focus on the messages the franchise sends. I want to focus on why we (teen girls) are buying it.

Seriously. LOOK at this relationship. It’s one thing for people to want to sell us these gender stereotypes wrapped so nicely as a present of “romance” – feminism (and strong, independent women in general) can be threatening to the patriarchy and what not. But what is it presenting as romance? Old-fashioned gender stereotypes, like Edward’s desire to “court” Bella, and her instance that he protect her at every turn? Are we so brainwashed that we look at this guy (who, yes, has a pretty face but whaaateverrrr) who wants Bella to be this idealized little doll-girl and truly say “I want that.” Does any girl ACTUALLY want to be some completely dependent 2D version of a person?

I want to have an actual conversation with a guy. All Edward and Bella do is talk about how much they love each other (seriously you guyz. so much. sosososooooososo much. nobody understands their love. he’s been waiting a CENTURY. A CENTURY. OMFGZ!) or the state of her morality and soul. Edward seems like a ridiculously boring guy, but he loves her. And his love is what makes her special.

We all want to be special. But why do we think the only way to achieve that is to have some guy try to isolate us and protect our chastity – oh wait, I’m sorry, I mean love us and ONLY us so much he would die for us. Or better yet have two guys FIGHT over us, two really hot guys who want only us. Maybe we want that because that singular attention (such an unhealthy thing to wish on any guy, BY THE BY) makes us feel special.

But maybe we want that because, really, it’s about what other people see: and that type of romance is a show. It’s not about if we’d be bored to tears talking about what London was like a century ago – it’s about what other people would see. About how they’d be jealous one guy loved us *so* much. We buy it not because we want that relationship; we buy it because we ideally want other people to see us having that relationship.

we are so in love that the only place suited for our conversations is a field of flowers. Oh did I say conversation? I meant me trying to get in your pants and you trying to control me!

Newsflash, ladies: you can never feel truly special if none of that belief is coming from yourself. You can have every guy in school telling you how utterly delicious your blood is (…I mean…how beautiful you are), and have every girl be jealous (more important) but if you still look at your reflection in the mirror and go “wow, I hate myself” that love – that special, special love – will mean nothing. It is a radical notion, but it’s is actually okay to like ourselves, and feel special on our own. That can happen. And it should.

Also, we really need to go over what a healthy relationship is. A healthy relationship includes each partner having their own lives and genuinely wanting the other one to be happy on their own terms – not their “this is how I’m going to protect  you from evil vampire” terms. Being isolated and told what to do may seem romantic when set to violins and lit professionally, but in real life it sucks.

On the upside of the Twilight franchise – did anybody else notice how amongst the vampires, they are pretty much an equal society? At least in Eclipse, the girl vamps and boy vamps were doing equal fighting and their powers were all equally appreciated (Alice’s maybe even more). They even use neutral language to describe each other (mates). Let’s not say the WHOLE thing is sexist: the vamps got it right, at least. It’s just us humans who have a shit ton to figure out.

Also…Taylor Lautner will never top his performance in Sharkboy and Lavagirl. That was his peak, and he must accept it:

Our new trailer! “How To Lose Your Virginity” from Trixie Films on Vimeo.

If this film is anything like Jessica Valenti’s awesome book The Purity Myth, I’m so there it’s insane. Having to watch the news cover this new phenomenon of “Purity Balls” and celebrities like Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus pledge purity has left me seriously uneasy. Not because staying a virgin is a bad thing, but rather because those who pledge not to have intercourse until marriage are less likely to use a condom when they do have sex (and their rates of having oral and anal sex are higher) – in fact their rates of STDs are about the same as non-pledging teens.

And then there’s that whole virgin/whore dichotomy that’s just oh so wonderful to experience as a teen (and beyond, I’m sure). It’s like the girl in the Breakfast Club said (and I’m paraphrasing badly) “You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”

However, Therese still needs help getting this movie out there. Being a woman in the film industry is pretty rough from what I understand, and I’m sure being a woman trying to promote a feminist film is even harder.

To support this film, please visit this site to back the project.

Just another naked woman on the cover of a widely available magazine

In this nation so full of blatantly sexualized imagery, it’s hard not to feel numb when talking about sex. From the pretty graphic jokes that circulate through my high school (and, of this I’m sure, every other high school in America), to the nearly naked women routinely featured on widely available magazine covers, I haven’t been truly shocked by sex since I was pretty young.

In fact, virginity (or purity…what a truly terrible word) in this country is a burden. It’s something to get rid of. We are amazed when we hear that Tina Fey was still a virgin at the ancient age of 24, and wonder why people would ever in their right minds wait that long.

So, when I read an article describing how women in Turkey are paying as much as $2,000 to have their virginity restored in an operation called “hymenoplasty” I was pretty astounded.

The article reports that in Turkey, virginity is not only a respected quality, but a necessary quality for a woman to have. Losing one’s virginity before marriage (and by one, I mean members of the female gender) can mean “social alienation, forced marriage with an inappropriate match, physical abuse and even death in some cases.”

Yes, there are countries where women are still dying for having pre-marital sex. Y’know, the same thing that the same demographic in our Western nation is being overly encouraged to do. The same thing that American girls are being shamed for not doing, girls in Turkey are being ostracized for doing.

Even more upsetting to me is the fact that men who seem to posses modern views in many other ways, who are educated, still participate in shaming non-virgins. One Turkish psychologist, Dilek Ak?c? Tayanç, stated of male partners of women who had pre-marital sex, “No matter how much he may seem to hold modern views or how unaffected he may seem, in many instances men change their behavior toward their wives due to this (having had pre-marital sex) — they’re more distant, less trusting and display passive-aggressive behaviors.”

However, truly the most disturbing part about this practice to me was the type of response from women who are self-electing to have this surgery. As one patient, Ceyda, 24 years old, stated:

“I’m marrying into a modern family…I’m sure that [my fiancé] would stay with me if he knew I wasn’t a virgin…But my mother says…men will value you more if they think they are the only ones who have had you. A  fresh product is better than a spoiled one. So why not?…My husband should value me, and I don’t mind doing something this easy to make him happy; it takes only half an hour.”

So, even in instances where a woman’s life or well being isn’t in danger, when she is certain that her marriage or relationship isn’t even in danger, she thinks of herself as a “spoiled product” for having had sex, and elects to have surgery to make her “fresh.”

I’m not advocating promiscuity, but can I just say, having sex before you’re married doesn’t ruin you. It doesn’t make you a bad person. As long as you’re safe, as long as you’re smart, as long as you’re doing what’s right for you – sex isn’t an evil overpowering force that will destroy you. But that is my westernized mind speaking. I admit – it’s hard for me to get into any other mindset. The United States is not a patriarchy in the same way that countries like Turkey are, and though I definitely believe that there are cultural messages ingrained into the minds of young American girls, I doubt they are anything like those ingrained in the minds of Turkish girls.

So if my limited, Western perspective is not enough to convince you that hymenoplasty is just not a good idea, maybe the scientific side will get you. Tayanç states that:

“With the surgery an individual cements alienation from their body, and this can lead to increased denial and repression mechanisms; the result can be a decrease of introspection on the part of the individual, value-related issues, desensitization and even dissociation…[the patient] by yielding to the wishes of her spouse and society and viewing her own bodily integrity through someone else’s eyes to satisfy another person, at a result of which she is willing to go under the knife, becomes a psychologically self-destructing individual.”

Of course, it’s undeniable that in extreme situations, this procedure can actually save a woman from being physically, emotionally or socially abused, and even save her life. In that way – this surgery can not only be beneficial, but a blessing.

Bottom line: I really don’t think this procedure, hymenoplasty, as absurd and upsetting as it is to me personally, is the problem.  It’s the cultural beliefs that perpetuate women to want this procedure, that convinces them it’s a good idea – or more seriously the cultural practices that make it necessary, that are the problem.

Until we stop viewing women as useful only for their bodies, and therefore their virginity or purity, procedures like hymenoplasty will continue to exist. Sad, but true.